Barnabas Becomes a Century 21 Man!
"Yes, it is a bit of a fixer upper. What would you say to $800 per month?"


Julia Tries a New Taste Treat!
"Why do you think they're called jawbreakers?"


Carolyn Buys a Topsy Tail!

Today on Dark Shadows...


Carolyn Plays Hide and Seek!
"...98, 99, 100. Ready or not, here I come!"


Julia and Barnabas Receive a Shock!
"Barnabas!? Is that couple doing what I think they're doing??"
"I suppose broadcast standards have relaxed considerably in 25 years."


The Collinsport Players Do Little Red Riding Hood!
"Wait a minute, I thought Grandma was supposed to be home in bed, not carrying the basket of goodies."


Episode 1064

Starring Jonathan Frid, Grayson Hall, James Storm, Nancy Barrett, Clarice Blackburn
Original Script By Joe Caldwell
Directed By Lela Swift
Caption Version by Graeme Cree

Read left to right, top to bottom


"My name is Carolyn Loomis..."
"(Dan Curtis) Stoddard!"
"(Carolyn) Stoddard, right. The year is 1995, and the Great House of Collinwood still rises from the cliffs above the sea. But it is now deserted and in ruins. Deposited here after their escape from Parallel Time, Barnabas and Julia seek to discover the cause of the devastation around them. They strongly suspect it might have something to do with the sinister, sneering ghost they just saw glaring at them."


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(At Collinwood, Barnabas and Julia hear that catchy new theme that isn't Quentin's, Angelique's, Josette's, or Joanna's playing)
"(Barnabas) It sounds like it's coming from upstairs. Now, it can't be very dangerous, because music is seldom used to… to frighten."
"(Julia) I dunno, Barnabas. Ghost Music is like Ghost Chains, Ghost Ships, or Ghost Light. The adjective "Ghost" automatically makes it frightening."


"(Barnabas) If I can find it, I will force whatever it is out. You wait here, right underneath that stone bust."
"(Julia) I hate when I do something incredibly stupid at the end of a show, and end up having to do it again the next day."
"(Barnabas) Well, let that be a lesson to you, then. Stop doing stupid things at the end of a show."


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(As Barnabas goes upstairs, the bust starts to wobble) *
CRASH!
"(Barnabas) (belatedly) Julia, look out!"
"(Julia) Thanks for the warning, Speedy."
* The one on the railing, that is, not Julia's.


(Although the bust missed her by six feet, Julia is sent into hysterics; Barnabas drags her out of the house)
"(Julia) It tried to kill me! Just like that woman! Jean!"
"(Barnabas) Calm down, Julia. It would take a lot more than a falling bustline to kill you."
"(Julia) Don't give him any ideas!"


"(Barnabas) Give who any ideas? Who is doing these things?"
"(Julia) There's no telling. Perhaps Angelique's spirit managed to follow us here from Parallel Time to enact vengeance."
"(Barnabas) Or perhaps Count Petofi has returned."
"(Julia) Or Nicholas Blair."
"(Barnabas) Could be him."
(points at the malevolent spirit glaring at them out of the window)
"(Julia) Nah! Too obvious."
(fade to black)


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"(Barnabas) Well, that's one small blessing. The house still seems inhabited in the credits."


(Barnabas and Julia return to the Old House)
"(Julia) Why, Barnabas? Why would he try to kill me?"
"(Barnabas) Maybe he doesn't like you wailing my name all the time. BAR-na-bas!"
"(Julia) That's not the reason, and you know it!"
"(Barnabas) Perhaps not, but can you afford to take the chance?"


(they enter the house)
"(Julia) You know, what I don't understand is that this place has been abandoned much longer than Collinwood, yet it's never looked like the utter pig sty that Collinwood does now."
"(Barnabas) I never did trust those new-fangled buildings."
"(Julia) Oh, brother..."


(As Barnabas lights a few candles; the studio lights come on, bathing the room in light)
"(Barnabas) Did you see that??"
"(Julia) Yes, but I don't think we were supposed to."


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"(Julia) Who could that have been at the window, Barnabas?"
"(Barnabas) Well, judging by the way the harsh raking light was illuminating his face from underneath, I'd say he was a ghost."
"(Julia) Barnabas, have you been having lunch with the Director again?"
"(Barnabas) The question is, whether it's the same man who tried to kill you?"
"(Julia) With a face like that? He must have been."
"(Barnabas) Now Julia, we mustn't judge people by their appearance."
"(Julia) With a kisser like that?? His sneer covered half his face! I thought I was looking at a new Dick Tracy villain for a minute."


"(Barnabas) Well, we do have one clue. He was wearing modern looking clothes."
"(Julia) They looked 19th century to me."
"(Barnabas) You forget I'm from the 18th century. 19th century clothes look modern to me."
"(Julia) Okay, but the point is that they aren't clothes from 1995. Or even 1970."
"(Barnabas) So far I haven't seen much difference between the fashions of 1970 and 1995, other than that things which were hideously out of fashion then are popular now."
(pause)
"(Barnabas) (looking at her green jacket) Sorry about that."


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"(Julia) I can't get him out of my mind!"
"(Barnabas) He had a look of supreme arrogance."
"(Julia) No. No, it was more than arrogance. It was hatred. It was even more than hatred. It was the very quintessence of Evil."
"(Barnabas) Quintessence? There were five of him?"
"(Julia) If you weren't a vampire, I'd say not to quit your day job."


"(Julia) You could tell just by looking at him that that fellow was a monster. I felt trapped by Evil all around me. Didn't you feel it?"
"(Barnabas) No. I think that as an undead creature myself, I must not have the same reaction to it that you do."
"(Julia) That could be."
"(Barnabas) Either that, or you're just a great big sissy."
"(Julia) D'oh!"


"(Julia) Just looking at him stirred up the oddest feelings."
"(Barnabas) You mean like whether he was single?"
"(Julia) I don't mean that! Seeing his Evil made me aware of something deep inside me. Something I don't understand. It was though looking at him made the Evil in my own nature want to come to the surface, and manifest itself too. That's assuming that there is any Evil in my nature."
"(Barnabas) I wonder who that..."
"(Julia) I say, assuming that there is any Evil in my nature!"
"(Barnabas) Oh well, I'm sure there is."
"(Julia) What??"
"(Barnabas) ISN'T! I meant to say isn't."


"(Julia) Well, at least now we know the power that rules Collinwood."
"(Barnabas) Do we?"
"(Julia) Yeah! That guy with the sneer. Who else?"
"(Barnabas) Are we sure that's all?"
"(Julia) I can't imagine any others surviving his presence."
"(Barnabas) But what about the music we hear? You know, the new theme song."
"(Julia) Maybe it's his theme. Whoever he is."
"(Barnabas) No, no, that's impossible. It's too delicate. Too nursery-rhymish. For the ghost we saw to be using that theme song would be like Muhammad Ali using Tiptoe Through the Tulips."


"(Julia) I hear what you're saying, but I just can't imagine another supernatural presence here."
"(Barnabas) Well, I'm going to try to find out. You try to get some rest."
"(Julia) Where are you going?"
"(Barnabas) To see Carolyn and see what she knows about the ghost."
"(Carolyn) All right."
(Barnabas starts to walk out, leaving Julia alone)
"(Julia) Alone!? WAIT FOR ME!!!!!!"


(At the Old Shack, Carolyn has acquired a new gargoyle)


(Carolyn is brushing her hair)
"(Mrs. Johnson) What are you doing?"
"(Carolyn) I'm brushing my hair, silly"
"(Mrs. Johnson) It's not that silly."
"(Carolyn) You know, when I was a young girl, you used to brush it for me. Remember?"
"(Mrs. Johnson) When you were a young girl, I used to get paid!"


(Mrs. J starts brushing anyway)
"(Mrs. Johnson) You're planning to go to Collinwood tonight. Aren't you?"
"(Carolyn) I might."
"(Mrs. Johnson) Oh, you mustn't!"
"(Carolyn) Why not?"
"(Mrs. Johnson) You don't belong there any more! No one does! That house belongs to the Dead!"
"(Carolyn) Actually, at the moment, about half of it belongs to the Bank."


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"(Mrs. Johnson) I'm warning you, Carolyn. It's not safe to go there!"
"(Carolyn) Dear Mrs. Johnson. If you only knew how wrong you are."
(Carolyn goes to a photo album)
"(Mrs. Johnson) Carolyn, I'm warning you. You're going to go there once too often!"
"(Carolyn) Well, that's not so bad, is it? Once too often? Even you don't think I'm going to go twice too often, or three times."
"(Mrs. Johnson) (scratching her head) I don't think it's possible to go twice too often."


"(Carolyn) Why isn't it possible?"
"(Mrs. Johnson) Because if you go once too often, that'll be all she wrote."
"(Carolyn) Well, that's okay. I'm not much of a reader, anyway."


"(Carolyn) I can go there any time I like! My mother was a Collins. And so am I."
"(Mrs. Johnson) I thought you were a Fredericks."
"(Carolyn) That's only a cover. I'm a Collins and will do what I like. And do I need to remind you that you are only a servant?"
"(Mrs. Johnson) I'm not even that. Servants get paid."
"(Carolyn) Mrs. Johnson, I do not allow back talk! You're fired!"
"(Mrs. Johnson) From what?"


"(Mrs. Johnson) I'm only trying to help."
"(Carolyn) Well, I must go this evening. It's HIS Deathday. He'll be expecting me."
"(Mrs. Johnson) How many candles does he need this year?"
"(Carolyn) I should take him a present, shouldn't I?"
(looks around)
"(Carolyn) But what should it be? What would he like?"
"(Mrs. Johnson) How about a human sacrifice?"
"(Carolyn) Nah, I got him that last year."


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"(Carolyn) Why don't you come along?"
"(Mrs. Johnson) To Collinwood? You know I can't go there."
"(Carolyn) Well, if you don't, who's getting it ready?"
"(Mrs. Johnson) Ready for what?"
"(Carolyn) For when they come back."
"(Mrs. Johnson) For when who comes back?"
"(Carolyn) Everyone! My mother. And Quentin. And Uncle Roger!"
"(Mrs. Johnson) Oh! Oh, yes. Yes, of course. I'm getting it ready. Er, I've got the table, chairs, candles, and I've hired a medium."
"(Carolyn) Sometimes I just don't understand your sense of humor, Mrs. Johnson."


"(Mrs. Johnson) Do you really believe they're coming home, Carolyn?"
"(Carolyn) Of course they are. And we must be ready. The question is when will be they be back?"
"(Mrs. Johnson) Well, that depends."
"(Carolyn) On what?"
"(Mrs. Johnson) In Parallel Time, donkeys fly four times a year. How often do they do it here?"


"(Carolyn) Are you trying to say they're never coming back?"
"(Mrs. Johnson) I'm trying to avoid saying that."
"(Carolyn) Look at this. Here's a picture of Maggie. Isn't this cute? She has a basket of goodies under her arm, and she just ran into The Big Bad Wolf."
"(Mrs. Johnson) That's not The Big Bad Wolf, that's Mr. Quentin. And I think he's going on a picnic with her. See? He has a lemonade jug under one arm."
"(Carolyn) That's not a lemonade jug, that was Quentin's hip flask."


"(Carolyn) They'll both be back one day. And we must make plans. I know. We'll celebrate with a picnic at the Gazebo. And it will be a beautiful warm day. And David and I will go sailing with Quentin."
"(Mrs. Johnson) With David, it could be burial at sea... Wait a minute, where did you get this???"
"(Carolyn) Out of the album. What's wrong?"
"(Mrs. Johnson) Don't you know what this is?? That's the first time that we saw HIM!"
"(Carolyn) No! You don't know what you're talking about!!"
"(Mrs. Johnson) Look, there he is! Off There! There he is! In the trees!"
"(Carolyn) Oh, that's just a thumb print on the lens."
"(Mrs. Johnson) Yes, but is it HIS thumb print!?"


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(Carolyn grabs the photo and rips it up)
"(Carolyn) No, no, no! It's not him! There's no one there! Just Quentin and Maggie!"
(Carolyn breaks down sobbing)
"(Mrs. Johnson) Oh, wait a minute! Sorry. I know who that was now. It was Ernest Baxter, our old Stage Manager."
(Carolyn continues crying her eyes out)
"(Mrs. Johnson) A little late to realize that, isn't it?"


"(Carolyn) I'd love to speak to you further, Mrs. Johnson, but I am far too busy brushing my hair at the moment."
"(Mrs. Johnson) You're always too busy to talk."
"(Carolyn) Later, perhaps. Not now."
"(Mrs. Johnson) Why won't you admit you saw him then? And that you've seen him since?"
"(Carolyn) Since what?"
"(Mrs. Johnson) Since he destroyed your family."
"(Carolyn) Aaaaaah!!!!!!!"
"(Mrs. Johnson) No fair, you tricked me into saying that!"


(knock, knock, knock)
"(Carolyn) Will you take care of that, Mrs. Johnson?"
"(Mrs. Johnson) Who is it??"
"(Carolyn) I meant answer the door! I could have done that!"


"(Carolyn) Who is it?"
"(Barnabas' Voice) Barnabas and Julia? May we come in?"
"(Carolyn) No! Go away! Don't come in!"
(they enter anyway)
"(Barnabas) Come in, you say?"
"(Carolyn) D'oh! And they call me the crazi one!"


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"(Barnabas) I'm sorry Carolyn, but we had to see you. Good evening, Mrs. Johnson."
"(Mrs. Johnson) It's later than you think."
"(Carolyn) What are you doing here? You don't belong here! I want you to go away! Please make them go away."
"(Mrs. Johnson) Please. Don't trouble her. Talking to her is like talking to a brick wall. I should know."
"(Carolyn) Yeah!... Hey, wait a minute..."


"(Julia) We're sorry, Carolyn, but someone at Collinwood just tried to kill me."
"(Carolyn) I'm sorry they failed, too."
"(Julia) It was a man. He had dark hair, and fierce, penetrating eyes. Oh, and he wore what looked like 19th century clothes."
"(Mrs. Johnson) It's Him!"
"(Carolyn) It is NOT Him, Mrs. Johnson!"
"(Barnabas) Technically it is, since Julia's description was so vague."
"(Mrs. Johnson) Waaaah!!!!!"
(Mrs. Johnson runs out)
"(Barnabas) What's with her?"
"(Carolyn) Oh, she's like that every time she hears about a single man in the area."


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"(Carolyn) Why don't you two just follow her?"
"(Julia) Carolyn, if we knew what happened, we might be able to save you and Collinwood and everyone."
"(Carolyn) Still trying to scare me. You never used to be so frivolous, Julia."
"(Julia) I'm trying to unscare you. Collinwood has already been destroyed!"
"(Carolyn) I heard that rumor too."
"(Julia) I saw him! In Collinwood! A dark-haired man with a sneer from here to here, wearing clothes from 1840, and some harsh yellow underlighting on his face!"
"(Carolyn) Well, if we're going to tell campfire stories, Julia, do you know the one about the Phantom School Bus and the School Superintendent?"
"(Julia) Is that the one where the calls are coming from inside the bus?"
"(Carolyn) That's right."
"(Julia) Heard it."


"(Carolyn) Now, if you two will excuse me, I'm very busy now."
"(Julia) Doing what?"
"(Carolyn) I'm just about to alphabetize my entire stock of Alphabet Soup."
"(Barnabas) Carolyn, you must listen to us! An Evil Spirit has control of Collinwood!"
"(Carolyn) Oh, all right. I'll sign."
"(Barnabas) Sign?"
"(Carolyn) Your petition. Isn't that what this is about?"
"(Barnabas) No Carolyn, we haven't got a petition."
"(Julia) And if we did, we wouldn't ask you to sign. Napoleon's signature doesn't carry much weight these days."


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"(Barnabas) Come on, Julia. We might as well go. Carolyn hasn't got enough marbles left to tell us the time of day."
"(Carolyn) Now you're talking sense. If you're nice to me, I'll invite you to the picnic I'm giving."
"(Barnabas) We'll be back, Carolyn."
"(Carolyn) Don't! Don't ever come back!"
"(Julia) All right, and we'll tell the others not to come back either! Your mother and Uncle Roger and all the rest will hear about the reception we got from you!"
"(Carolyn) Oh no, please! You wouldn't do that, would you??"
"(Barnabas) Come on, Julia. Don't torment her."
"(Julia) All right, but if you don't bite her soon, I swear I'm going to."
"(Carolyn) You!? You can't put her in your power that way."
"(Julia) Who cares?"


(Barnabas and Julia leave)
"(Carolyn) They're gone! Now to see if the VCR taped Golden Girls!"


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(At the Old House, some unspeakable monster lies in wait for Barnabas and Julia)
"(Mrs. Johnson) Oh, shut up!"


(Outside, Barnabas and Julia approach)
"(Barnabas) Well, look at the bright side, Julia. At least we seem to have reached a time where Maggie's tacky afghan doesn't exist."
"(Julia) Don't you believe it. It's slithering around here somewhere."


(As they go inside, and Barnabas starts lighting candles, Mrs. Johnson comes up and taps him on the shoulder)
"(Barnabas) Yaah!!! Don't DO that!"


"(Mrs. Johnson) Did she tell you anything? "(Barnabas) A whole lot of Nothing."
"(Mrs. Johnson) Please. You mustn't blame her. It's so painful that she's simply blocked it all out."
"(Barnabas) We know that, Mrs. Johnson. But we need to find out some details about what's happened?"
"(Julia) Like, was it the disaster that drove her Cuckoo-For-Cocoa-Puffs, or did that come later?"
"(Barnabas) Julia, please!"


"(Barnabas) We've got to know what happened. Who is this spirit, and how did it get control of Collinwood?"
"(Mrs. Johnson) What difference does it make? It's over and done with now."
"(Barnabas) That's just it. It may not be. We were trying to tell Carolyn, that perhaps we can prevent it."
"(Mrs. Johnson) Prevent it!?... Don't you usually prevent things before they happen?"
"(Julia) Sure, if you want to do it the easy way."
"(Barnabas) Julia, please!"


"(Barnabas) Mrs. Johnson. Now, look at us very carefully. Now, you observe yourself that we haven't aged since we disappeared 25 years ago."
"(Mrs. Johnson) Yes, but Julia here aged enough before that for a lifetime."
"(Julia) D'oh!"
"(Barnabas) We came here directly from 1970, due to some terrible disturbance in time."
"(Mrs. Johnson) What do you mean you came here "directly"?"
"(Barnabas) Just what I said. One second it was 1970, the next second it was 1995. Nothing in between! Zip!"
"(Mrs. Johnson) Wait a minute, are you telling me you missed Bush?"
"(Barnabas) No, we ran into several of them on the way here."
"(Mrs. Johnson) I mean President Bush. You don't know him?"
"(Barnabas) No, we've never heard of the man."
"(Mrs. Johnson) How about Watergate? You missed that too?"
"(Julia) We've never heard of President Watergate either."


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"(Mrs. Johnson) Surely you know Bill Clinton."
"(Barnabas) No, I can't say that I do... There was a DeWitt Clinton... No. Can't place him."
"(Julia) You've got to believe us. Some terrible disturbance in Time brought us here."
"(Barnabas) And if another disturbance sends us back, maybe we can prevent what happened, if we know what we're fighting."
"(Mrs. Johnson) You're trying to drive me mad too! This is just too impossible to believe!"
"(Julia) Oh, don't give me that! You're telling me you believe in ghosts, but not in Time Travel?"


"(Mrs. Johnson) It would be so wonderful if I could wake up one day and find that this never happened, and it was all a dream."
"(Julia) Well, if it doesn't ever happen, you won't remember that it ever did."
"(Barnabas) And even if we can't, if thinking about it troubles you so much , our constant hounding you for information will be more annoying in the long run than just telling us now would be."
"(Julia) Good point!"
"(Barnabas) I thought so."


"(Mrs. Johnson) If I tell you what you want to know, you really won't bother me again?"
"(Barnabas) Honest Injun."
"(Mrs. Johnson) Oh, I'll try. It… It all began in the days were so beautiful, that you couldn't help but be happy. There… there was a spirit of joy at Collinwood. There was… so much love among all of us at that time."
"(Julia) I don't remember any time like that!"
"(Mrs. Johnson) It started right after you left."
"(Barnabas) D'oh!"


"(Mrs. Johnson) It seemed like the beginning of a Golden Age. People seemed to laugh more. There were concerts in the park. There was a spirit of joy that hadn't been seen since before the series began. We'd topped As the World Turns in the ratings! The Edge of Night and The Secret Storm were positively eating our dust!"
"(Barnabas) We missed out on this???"
"(Mrs. Johnson) Until… one night…"
"(Julia) Look out, the shoe is about to drop."


"(Mrs. Johnson) One night, the house was so still, I could hear the waves far away against the rocks. Mr. Roger started bellowing for me to turn over the mattress in his room. I was walking past the room that the children called the Playroom when...
(Mrs. Johnson spots HIM in the window, and screams bloody murder)
"(Julia) You know, this is really starting to bug me. When are you going to start chomping necks to find out what we need??"


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"(Mrs. Johnson) No! No, please! I won't tell! I won't tell!"
"(Barnabas) Mrs. Johnson! Mrs. Johnson, please! Mrs. Johnson!... Ah, Nertz!"
(Mrs. Johnson runs out)
"(Julia) You know, between Roxanne, Mrs. Johnson, all whatever other helpless women have managed to escape from you lately, you must be a really hungry vampire."


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"(Barnabas) What just happened?"
"(Julia) I think she saw the Evil Spirit in the window or something. We'd better go out and look for her. For her own safety, at least."
"(Barnabas) Oh, but surely Mrs. Johnson is in no real danger. She's one of the regular characters."
"(Julia) Maybe she was once, but she's been quite irregular lately."
"(Barnabas) I could tell that by the look on her face, but she always looks that way."


(As Barnabas leaves, the vengeful spirit comes out from behind the leaves to pose for a selfie)


(Meanwhile, in the woods, Mrs. Johnson sits down on a rock, gasping for breath)
"(Mrs. Johnson) Oh my! I can't go another step! I've got to rest! How far have I come, anyway? Oh, about 150 feet. Boy, being old sucks."


(Suddenly, Mrs. Johnson feels The Sinister Icy Hand of Death on her shoulder, and looks up to see the Vengeful Spirit standing over her)
"(Mrs. Johnson) (Bluffing) Boy... am I glad to see you!"


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(Later, Barnabas and Julia approach)
"(Julia) I'm sure that ghost stopped her from telling us more."
(Barnabas spots Mrs. J nearby)
"(Julia) We've got to find her and really lean on her this time."
"(Barnabas) Er.... in her condition, I don't think she could take it."


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(they spot Mrs. J under a tree)
"(Julia) Ah, there she is."
"(Barnabas) No, Julia! You don't underst..."
"(Julia) All right, Mrs. Johnson, we're through playing games! We want to hear what happened in 1970, and we're not accepting any excuses this time!"
(Mrs. Johnson keels over dead)
"(Julia) ...Except that one."


(they hear approaching footsteps)
"(Julia) Uh oh! Cheese it!"
(Barnabas and Julia hide as Carolyn approaches)
"(Carolyn) Mrs. Johnson! You shouldn't be out here at night. You'll catch your death of cold." *
* We've stooped to a new low on this one."


"(Carolyn) Let me take you home."
(Mrs. Johnson doesn't answer)
"(Carolyn) Come on. Take my hand."
(Mrs. Johnson gets colder)
"(Carolyn) No, please! You were always good to me when I was young. Don't hurt me like this now!"
(Mrs. Johnson assumes room temperature)
"(Carolyn) If you will please just stand up and yell "April Fool"... No... No, if you did that, I'd have to kill you just the same."


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(Carolyn hears a noise behind her)
"(Carolyn) You!"
"(Barnabas) Er... Carolyn!"
"(Julia) Why, you've killed Mrs. Johnson!"
"(Carolyn) D'oh!"


"(Carolyn) I didn't kill Mrs. Johnson! You two did!"
"(Barnabas) Us!?"
"(Julia) We're just out for a walk."
"(Carolyn) You did it, I know you did!"
"(Barnabas) Why on earth would we kill Mrs. Johnson?"
"(Julia) Why would we do it? We don't even have a motive."
"(Carolyn) Anybody who's ever eaten her tuna surprise has a motive."


"(Carolyn) You murderers! You'll pay for this! Is wear!"
(Carolyn runs off screaming bloody murder)
"(Barnabas) If I were going to kill someone right now, it wouldn't be Mrs. Johnson."
"(Julia) Way to go, Mr. Mrs.-Johnson-is-in-no-real-danger-She's-one-of-the-regular-characters."
"(Barnabas) Look at her sitting there. Ahem... Mrs. Johnson's cooking bites even more than I do!"
(For once, Mrs. Johnson doesn't hear that)
"(Julia) Oh, that's just the saddest thing I've ever seen."


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(Later, Barnabas and Julia return to Collinwood)
"(Julia) Barnabas, what did she mean by the room the children called the Playroom? There was no Playroom at Collinwood."
"(Barnabas) No, there wasn't. As I recall, Elizabeth was talking about remodeling the Study into a Playroom once, but changed her mind."
"(Julia) Why?"
"(Barnabas) It would have cost too much Play Dough."


(that new theme song strikes up again from somewhere upstairs)
"(Julia) Barnabas, do you hear that?"
"(Barnabas) Yes!"
"(Julia) It's that new theme again. Maybe it's not the ghost's theme, maybe it's the Playroom's Theme!"
"(Barnabas) It could be. It does have that music box sort of feel about it."
(Barnabas and Julia hide as Carolyn enters the house)
"(Barnabas) But if there is no Playroom, why would it have a theme song? Or did David and Amy have a secret lab or something that we never knew about?"
"(Julia) They might have. Did you think you were the only one around here with a deep dark secret?"


"(Carolyn) Ah, the Playroom Theme. I never get tired of it."
"(Barnabas) Well, the title of the music is confirmed, at least."
"(Julia) Shh!"
(As Barnabas and Julia watch, Carolyn goes upstairs)
"(Barnabas) Where can she be going?"
"(Julia) Well, maybe she's going up to put another quarter in the jukebox."


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(Upstairs, Carolyn wanders through a strange new corridor where nothing funny happens)


(Carolyn opens a door and goes inside)
"(Bob Lloyd) I'm lost. Where are we now?"
"(Ken McEwen) I'm not sure, but it looks like The Leaning Tower Room of Collinsport."


(A moment later, Barnabas and Julia follow)
"(Barnabas) She went in here."
"(Julia) (looking around) Who knew that Collinwood's future was to be converted into an amusement park funhouse?"


"(Barnabas) Listen."
"(Julia) What?"
"(Barnabas) Behind the door. Music and laughter. It almost sounds like a party. Let's follow her."
"(Julia) Barnabas, are you crazy? We can't just walk in there! Who knows what we'll find?"
"(Barnabas) After all we've been through, Julia, you're worried about crashing a party?? It will be fine. This is Collinwood. If it is a party, I'm a Collins, and you're my guest."
"(Julia) Oh, well, that's different! If this is officially a date, then lead the way!"
(fade to black)


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          Episode 1064:   The elderly Mrs. Johnson visits the mentally unsound Carolyn, who insists the rest of the family will return.