Barnabas and Julia Meet the Evil Genius Behind All That They've Seen in 1995!

Barnabas and Julia Go on a Date!
"No Barnabas, I asked if you wanted to get horizontal!"

The Collinsport Players do Barnabas Collins and Lambchop!

Today on Dark Shadows...

Quentin Makes an Astute Observation!
"You know, all the characters that really matter are here. Why do we need to get back to 1970?"

The Collinsport Players Do Monty Python!
"Wot's on the television, then?"
"Looks like a penguin."

Julia Finds a Most Revealing Flyer!
"1995 Dark Shadows Festival. Special Guests: Kathryn Leigh Scott, David Selby, Lara Parker, Kathy Cody... Barnabas, how come our names aren't on this list?"
"Who's Kathy Cody?"

Episode 1065

Starring Jonathan Frid, Grayson Hall, Nancy Barrett, Thayer David, David Selby
Original Script By Gordon Russell
Directed By Lela Swift
Caption Version by Graeme Cree

Read left to right, top to bottom

"My name is Eliot Stokes. Collinwood in the year 1995, where Barnabas Collins and Julia Hoffman have suddenly returned out of the far past."
"(Carolyn) You know, that's a coincidence. Nickelodeon is running a Six Million Dollar Man marathon this week too."

"(Stokes) To their horror, they have discovered Collinwood in ruins, and most of their friends vanished without a trace. Except for me. And Carolyn. And Mrs. Johnson. Actually, the primary missing persons at the moment are Quentin, Maggie, Elizabeth, Roger, David and Amy. And as they have discovered that David is dead, that's one mystery solved."
"(Carolyn) What a stroke of luck."

"(Bob Lloyd) Meanwhile, on the second floor of Collinwood, the house has fallen into such disrepair that the cameraman himself has plunged through the floorboards."

(Carolyn approaches a room filled with laughter, music, and clinking of glasses, and lets herself in, and finds herself on The New Haven Lifeboat) *
* Today's episode written by Monty Python.


(Barnabas and Julia come along a moment later)
"(Barnabas) I don't ever remember seeing this room."
"(Julia) I don't ever remember seeing this angle. If we don't get vertical soon, I'm gonna blow."

"(Julia) Sounds like they're having a party in there."
"(Barnabas) Our invitation was probably lost in the mail. Shall we check it out?"
"(Julia) Right behind you. Oh, Barnabas! Wait!"
"(Barnabas) What?"
"(Julia) What if it's formal?"
"(Barnabas) D'oh!"



(Barnabas and Julia enter to find a completely different, fully furnished, non-ruined room)
"(Barnabas) We are in a Monty Python sketch!"
"(Julia) Or Narnia."
Maybe it's another Parallel Time Room?"
"(Julia) Whatever it is, it's weird."
"(Barnabas) Right, we can agree on that much."


(Carolyn notices them)
"(Carolyn) How dare you come in here???"
"(Julia) It didn't say not to."
"(Carolyn) Get out! Out! OUT!!"
"(Julia) Cool it, Carolyn. We're not here to raid the joint, we just came for the party."


"(Julia) Barnabas, did you see them?"
"(Carolyn) Get out of here! Get out this instant!"
"(Barnabas) I saw something, but I'm not sure what it was."
"(Carolyn) Leave immediately!"
"(Julia) It looked like two people, but they disappeared so quickly."
"(Carolyn) Go away!"
"(Barnabas) Look at this room, Julia. It's not in the same condition as the rest of the house. Nothing has happened to it... Sorry, were you saying something, Carolyn?"
"(Carolyn) D'oh!"

"(Julia) What about that music that we heard? That's gone too."
"(Carolyn) Get out of this room! Both of you!!"
"(Barnabas) Carolyn, try to understand. We're trying to help you."
"(Carolyn) You can help me by going away."
"(Julia) All right, and you can make us go away by answering our questions. Were there two other people in this room just now, who vanished the instant that we walked in?"
"(Carolyn) Probably. Nobody can break up a party faster than you two."
"(Julia) D'oh!"


"(Barnabas) Was one of them the same spirit that we saw staring at us through the window of the living room earlier?"
"(Carolyn) Spirits! Ghosts, that's all you seem to talk about!"
"(Barnabas) Because they exist here! You know they exist!"
"(Carolyn) So do wombats, but I don't talk about them all day!"
"(Julia) I think she's got us, Barnabas."

"(Barnabas) Carolyn, when we were outside the door, we heard voices. Whose were they?"
"(Carolyn) I was… talking to myself. I often talk to myself because I'm alone so much. I don't like being alone."
"(Julia) Well, if you didn't scream at people so much, you might not BE alone."
"(Barnabas) Julia, please."
"(Carolyn) I won't be alone when they come back!"
"(Barnabas) Before who comes back?"
"(Carolyn) Everyone who's missing, of course. Mother and Uncle Roger and the rest. Do you know where they are?"
"(Julia) Hee, hee, hee, that's for us to know and you to find out."
"(Barnabas) Julia, please! Don't taunt the crazi lady!"

"(Barnabas) Carolyn, we want to know where everyone is just as much as you do. Won't you help us?"
"(Carolyn) How did you find this room?"
"(Barnabas) We followed you."
"(Carolyn) No. No, someone's been telling you secrets. Someone's been giving away secrets!"
"(Julia) Yeah. YOU."
"(Carolyn) I'm sorry, but you may not stay here any longer. You must both leave."
"(Barnabas) Not without you."
"(Carolyn) If you do not, I will have the sheriff arrest you. He is my very good friend, and will protect my property from trespassers."
"(Julia) What trespassers? We're the neighbors. We just came here to ask you to keep it down with your loud parties."

"(Barnabas) Julia, we'd better go."
"(Julia) All right. When we see the others, and tell them what reception we got, they won't want to come back either."
"(Barnabas) Julia, please! Carolyn, if you want to talk, we'll be at the Old House."
"(Carolyn) I won't."
"(Barnabas) Will you just answer one question, then? Why is this room in so much better shape than the rest of the house?"
"(Carolyn) Maybe because I don't allow a lot of BUSYBODIES in here wandering through here wrecking things!"
"(Julia) She's right, Barnabas. Ghosts don't even leave footprints."


(Barnabas and Julia leave)
"(Carolyn) Thank goodness. It seems I'm always throwing those two out these days. Oh well, back to the party. Tad? Carrie? Let's play Hide and Seek."
(looks around the empty room)
"(Carolyn) I guess this means I'm It."

(Left alone at her own party, Carolyn sits down and pouts)
"(Carolyn) This is going to be the most boring game of Musical Chairs ever!"

(At Professor Stokes' House, Stokes picks up an old letter)
"(Stokes) (reading) ..."And if you do not make 50 copies of this letter and mail them to your friends, you will have bad luck." And it's dated July, 1970! This explains everything!!"

(Stokes picks up another letter)
"(Stokes) (reading) My dear Professor Stokes. I am writing to inform you that there has been a change in Quentin Collins' condition. He has been upgraded very slightly, from "Batty" to "Bonkers"."

(At a knock on the door, Stokes answers to Julia and Barnabas)
"(Stokes) What do you want here?"
"(Julia) I'm sorry to bother you, Eliot, but we must speak to you."
"(Stokes) I have nothing to tell you. You know that."
(Barnabas appears in the doorway)
"(Barnabas) It's been a long time, Eliot. I might have expected a friendlier greeting than this."
"(Stokes) Barnabas! My old friend! How did things go in Parallel Time?"
"(Julia) We got Collinwood destroyed."
"(Stokes) Why am I not surprised?"

"(Barnabas) It looks like we're not the only ones who got Collinwood destroyed, though. We went there earlier..."
"(Stokes) You mustn't go there! Your lives are in danger there."
"(Julia) If we can find out WHY our lives are in danger there, and what caused all this, we might be able to prevent the whole thing from happening, if we can make it back to 1970."
"(Stokes) If you want to now what's happening, why don't you ask Carolyn? Don't you trust her answers?"
"(Barnabas) We did ask her. She wouldn't tell us anything."
"(Stokes) Do you think she's lying?"
"(Julia) D'oh!"

"(Barnabas) Professor, when we went to Collinwood earlier, Julia was nearly killed by a falling bust."
"(Stokes) Oh, come now, Barnabas! I'll admit her figure isn't Miss America material, but it's not fatal, either."
"(Barnabas) I mean a stone bust. It came crashing down from the balcony and nearly hit her."
"(Stokes) Well, that was probably a warning for you to leave the house."
"(Barnabas) We took it as an incentive to stay and learn more."
"(Stokes) Amazing. That's always the effect that kind of warning seems to have, yet people keep giving them anyway."

"(Barnabas) We also saw the face of a man in the living room window?"
"(Stokes) Was it a man in 19th century clothing, harsh underlighting, dark hair, and a sneer from here to here?"
"(Barnabas) That's it, exactly!"
"(Stokes) Never heard of him."
"(Barnabas) D'oh!"

(Julia picks up the note)
"(Julia) Barnabas, look! Quentin is in a mental institution! The Daisy Hill Funny Farm!"
"(Stokes) Julia! What are you doing over here? Can't I turn my back on you for one moment??"
"(Julia) I'm sorry, I just couldn't help seeing Quentin's name on this letter... (After I picked it up, that is)."


"(Barnabas) Quentin is in a mental institution?? Why on earth would anyone put Quentin... Hmm, never mind."
"(Stokes) And the astounding thing is that he looks exactly the same as he did when he was committed there in 1970. He hasn't aged. It's as though he were frozen in time. You two wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"
"(Julia) Us!? Heavens no! How about you, Barnabas?"
"(Barnabas) Er, well, I can only presume that all that alcohol he drank must have preserved him."

"(Barnabas) We must go and see him, Julia. Do you know anyone at this Daisy Hill Funny Farm? More importantly, do you know anyone who could lend us a car?"
"(Stokes) You won't find him there. I received a phone call yesterday afternoon that Quentin had escaped by carving a gun out of a bar of granola."
"(Barnabas) I thought inmates traditionally escaped by carving a gun out of a bar of soap."
"(Julia) Carving one out of granola sounds positively..."
"(Stokes) ...Insane. Yes, I know."

"(Stokes) I wouldn't sweat it. Even if you did see him, he wouldn't be able to tell you anything useful."
"(Julia) That's been pretty much par for the course. Why won't anyone around here say anything?"
"(Stokes) Well, you've got to understand that Quentin and Carolyn were driven mad by whatever happened that night."
"(Barnabas) That explains them. What about everyone else? You and the Records Clerk, and the waitress at the Collinsport Inn?"
"(Stokes) Oh, well they've got the town's reputation to protect. Half the tourist industry these days comes from drive-by bus tours of the Haunted Mansion. Disney World even has a ride based on the place."

"(Barnabas) That still doesn't explain you. How could you possibly stand by and do nothing? You've got to tell us what you know, Eliot."
"(Stokes) Honestly, I know very little more about it than you do."
"(Julia) How can that be? You were here when it happened!"
"(Stokes) No, I wasn't. I was away in Europe when the disaster occurred. I've regretted it ever since."
"(Barnabas) What were you there for? Scientific conference?"
"(Stokes) No, Star Trek convention."
(Stokes gives the Vulcan Salute)

"(Stokes) It's the truth. When I got back to town, I found Collinwood just as you two have found it. You two were still missing, and Quentin and Carolyn were hopelessly mad. I asked questions everywhere, with as little success as you two have had."
"(Barnabas) As Vicki Winters would have said, I don't understand any of this."
"(Stokes) If you two are frustrated after just a few days, think how I feel after 25 years."
"(Julia) Well, why didn't you tell me this when we met the other day? Was there any reason why you acted so crotchety and curmudgeonly, and tried to "Bah Humbug" me out of town?"
"(Stokes) The best reason in the world. I'm 75 years old."

"(Stokes) I was afraid for your safety, and tried to give you grim warnings to get out of town and not ask too many fool questions."
"(Barnabas) That has the same effect on people as dropping stone busts near them."
"(Stokes) I realize that now. But it's still fun."
"(Barnabas) You mean you've done nothing in 25 years?"
"(Stokes) Oh, I've done something all right. I attempted an exorcism. And I nearly paid for it with my life!"
"(Julia) An exorcism?"
"(Barnabas) Isn't that sort of like locking the barn door after the horse has escaped?"
"(Stokes) D'oh!"

"(Stokes) I felt that if I could get rid of whatever presence dwelt there, I might at least be able to restore poor Quentin and Carolyn's minds."
"(Barnabas) Did it work?"
"(Stokes) No, whenever they get together, they just look at me and giggle."
"(Julia) They did that before they went insane!"
"(Stokes) Don't remind me."

"(Barnabas) You said you nearly paid with your life. What do you mean?"
"(Stokes) I went into the Foyer and tried to exorcise the house?"
"(Julia) Did you see the ghost?"
"(Stokes) No, but there was an overwhelming sense of Evil that surrounded me! It seemed to be smothering me to death. I turned and ran out of the house just in the nick of time."
"(Barnabas) So, NOTHING actually happened to you at all, then!"
"(Stokes) Well, it was plenty scary at the time, brother!"

"(Barnabas) What happened to the rest of the family? Elizabeth and Roger, Maggie, David and Amy?"
"(Stokes) Well, Amy left town with her brother and Miss Stuart shortly before the disaster."
"(Julia) Now, THAT'S suspicious!"
"(Barnabas) Julia, please!"
"(Stokes) Nobody knows about the others. They just vanished. They might be buried somewhere in the house, for all we know."
"(Barnabas) What about Willie? He didn't live at Collinwood."
"(Stokes) Well, you were missing, and your will called for him to given for scientific experimentation. The last I heard of him, he was at the Bronx Zoo."
"(Julia) As an attendant?"
"(Stokes) No, he's one of the exhibits."


"(Stokes) But Loomis is the one who found Quentin wandering in the woods that night, totally incoherent."
"(Barnabas) I see."
"(Stokes) It was shortly after Woodstock, so he didn't think much of it, until he escorted Quentin home, and found the house in ruins. Carolyn was found in the Tower Room, trying to find a corner to cower in."
"(Julia) But the Tower Room is round!"
"(Stokes) That's how they knew she'd gone insane."
"(Barnabas) Well, she's no better now. When we met her, she kept insisting that the President of the United States was some goober from Arkansas."

"(Stokes) Quentin has always seemed clueless, I've always suspected that Carolyn is the only person who knows what really happened. But the secret is buried, perhaps forever, in the darkest corner of her tortured mind."
"(Barnabas) I see. Well, Eliot, we are going to try to get to the bottom of this, and you are going to help us."
"(Stokes) I don't know how. But I am willing to give it that old College (Professor) try."
"(Barnabas) We'll be in touch with soon."
(As Barnabas and Julia leave, Stokes looks after them)
"(Stokes) Sigh, I must be getting old if even Julia looks good to me."


(After they leave, Carolyn enters without so much as a knock)
"(Carolyn) You! You told them about the playroom, didn't you?"
"(Stokes) What Playroom?"
"(Carolyn) The one in the Southwest upstairs corridor. Tad and Carrie's Playroom, which still exists undamaged, though the rest of the house be in ruins."
"(Stokes) I didn't say a word, my dear. Barnabas and Julia found this Playroom by following you."
"(Carolyn) Nonsense! Nobody's found out about the Playroom from me, and nobody ever will!"
"(Stokes) D'oh!"

"(Stokes) I'd like to speak with you for a moment if I may."
"(Carolyn) All right."
"(Stokes) Sit down, my dear."
"(Carolyn) Couldn't we speak standing up?"
"(Stokes) What for?"
"(Carolyn) At our age, if we sit down, we might not be able to get back up again."
"(Stokes) Good point."


(Outside the Playroom)
"(Barnabas) Carolyn should be gone by now. Let's go."
"(Julia) Barnabas, does this corridor look different to you all of a sudden?"
"(Barnabas) You're right, the furnishings are entirely different."
"(Julia) The camera isn't tilted 45 degrees."
"(Barnabas) There's no spotlight behind us."
"(Julia) Weird. Are you sure we're in the right spot?"
"(Barnabas) We must be. The stage direction clearly reads "Outside the Playroom"."

(they enter)
"(Julia) What are we looking for?"
"(Barnabas) No idea."
"(Julia) Then why are we here?"
"(Barnabas) This room must be important. It's the one room in the house that isn't in ruins."
"(Julia) If it's the only room the ghosts didn't get to, doesn't that make it the least important room in the house?"
"(Barnabas) Don't confuse me."

"(Barnabas) Look for anything unusual or out of the ordinary."
"(Julia) Like what?"
"(Barnabas) I don't know. Something that might provide a clue to the disaster. We'll know it when we see it, I'm sure."
"(Julia) Er, Barnabas? Would a book entitled How and Why I Did It, and Where the Collins Family Disappeared To be of any use to you?"
"(Barnabas) What?? Well, of course that book is a clue!"
"(Julia) Well, I'll let you know if I see it."
"(Barnabas) D'oh!"


"(Barnabas) Now, stop clowning around."
(Julia picks up a Schlockmark Card)
"(Julia) How about this? Is this a clue?"
"(Barnabas) A Greeting Card? I doubt it?"
"(Julia) But it looks modern. Look. The design is copyright 1992."
"(Barnabas) What does it say?"
"(Julia) Happy Birthday to my dearest Tad from your loving Carrie."
"(Barnabas) Who's the kissup?"

(Later, back at the Loomis House)
"(Barnabas) The important thing is to find out who Tad and Carrie are."
"(Julia) Offhand, I'd say they're David and Amy possessed."
"(Barnabas) Why do you say that?"
"(Julia) Well, you remember the last time a vengeful spirit drove the family from the house? David and Amy were possessed by the ghosts of Jamison and Nora, the two family Devil Tots from 1897. As it seems that we're loosely ripping off that storyline here, why not rip off that too?"
"(Barnabas) Sound TV Logic."

"(Barnabas) What I don't understand is how there can be a Playroom in that location. There's no such room in our time."
"(Julia) I've got it! Barnabas, this is brilliant!"
"(Barnabas) What?"
"(Julia) Maybe it's the ghost of a room."
"(Barnabas) Come again?"
"(Julia) Well, just as there's such a thing as ghosts of people, maybe this is the ghost of a room that existed at Collinwood once, but does no longer."
"(Barnabas) You're forgetting, Julia, I was there when the house first opened in 1795. So, if such a room used to exist, wouldn't I remember it?"
"(Julia) Maybe you just weren't paying attention back then."
"(Barnabas) D'oh!"

"(Barnabas) Will you please stop clowning, Julia?"
"(Julia) Use your head, Barnabas. Maybe it's a room that was added on after the house was built, and after you were chained in the mausoleum in 1796, but which was gone by the time you woke up in 1967."
"(Barnabas) Well, I suppose that could happen. Although it was also gone by 1897. Remember, we visited that time too."
"(Julia) That's right. So, Tad, Carrie, and this room could all have existed some time between the years of 1797 and 1896."
"(Barnabas) If only we could find Quentin. Poor Stokes, he was so baffled by the fact that Quentin hadn't aged since 1970. He still doesn't know about Quentin's Portrait of Dorian Gray, that keeps him young. Obviously, that portrait is still safe, or Quentin would have aged by now."
"(Julia) Aged? At 125 years old, Quentin would look older than Jack Benny."
"(Barnabas) What's that sound upstairs?"
"(Julia) Sounds like a prowler."
"(Barnabas) Oh, good! Lunchtime! (bares his fangs)"

(Meanwhile at Stokeswood)
"(Stokes) Why the Long Face, Carolyn?"

"(Carolyn) There won't be another birthday party for a whole year. Will it be that long before I see Tad again?"
"(Stokes) I might be able to answer that better if I knew who Tad was."
"(Carolyn) He's Carrie's playmate, of course."
"(Stokes) Who's Carrie?"
"(Carolyn) Tad's chum."
"(Stokes) Good! Now we're getting somewhere."

(Carolyn starts munching on a group of grapes) *
"(Stokes) Carolyn, we've always been friends."
"(Carolyn) Munch, munch, gulp, slurp."
"(Stokes) Friends tell secrets to each other, don't they?"
"(Carolyn) Yeah. Are these things boneless?"
"(Stokes) Are you kidding? Do you know how much boneless grapes cost these days?"
* Non-readers of Charles Schulz would call it a bunch of grapes.

"(Carolyn) We were friends. I'm not sure if I like the company you keep these days."
"(Stokes) Barnabas and Julia? But they're your friends too."
"(Carolyn) Friends! (munch, munch) Hah! Those two ruined Tad's birthday party (smack, gulp). Shay, Professhor (mouth full), shince when do you, of all people, keep healthy shnacks around the houshe? (gulp)"
"(Stokes) Oh, those are just for guests. I have a can of lard in the kitchen for myself."

(At the Old House, Barnabas and Julia trace the noise to the attic)
"(Barnabas) It came from in there."
"(Julia) Right."
"(Barnabas) Er, before we go in, straight that picture, so nobody will know we've been here."
"(Julia) Right!... Hey!... Wise Guy!"

(Barnabas and Julia enter the attic)
"(Barnabas) Now, to see if Quentin's portrait is still here."
"(Julia) Still here? Is this where we stashed it after we recovered it back in Episode 931?"
"(Barnabas) Of course it's here. What safer place is there for it?"
"(Julia) Safer than covered with a dropcloth in the attic? I don't know. A safe deposit box? Sealed up in a wall? Buried in the cemetery?"
"(Barnabas) You insist on doing everything the easy way, don't you? Don't you believe in having a little excitement in life?"
"(Julia) No, Barnabas. When I want excitement, I watch Wheel of Fortune."

(Barnabas uncovers the portrait)
"(Barnabas) There, you see? Safe and sound. And Quentin still looking like he woke up in a gutter somewhere. The portrait is perfectly safe."
"(Julia) I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Who'd steal that thing? It's driving your property values down just by sitting here."

(Quentin himself rushes out of a corner, knife in hand, to slash the portrait)
"(Quentin) Hi-keeba!"
"(Barnabas) Quentin, no!"
"(Quentin) Let me kill him! He deserves to die!!"
"(Barnabas) That's beside the point! If everyone who deserved to die around here died, where would that leave us?"
"(Julia) Less talk, more fight, Barnabas! What is this, a Spiderman comic??"

(Barnabas forces the knife out of Quentin's hand)
"(Quentin) Let me kill him, let me kill him!"
"(Barnabas) You're talking about yourself, Quentin."
"(Quentin) That's me?? No! No, it can't be!"
"(Julia) You don't understand, Quentin. It's a Dorian Gray portrait. It bears the marks of all the aging, and soul-corrupting blemishes on your character that your libertine lifestyle have incurred, leaving you yourself untouched by them."
"(Quentin) So I still have a pretty face, then? Oh, what a relief!"

"(Quentin) What's going on here?"
"(Julia) Maybe we should discuss this elsewhere. You know, out of slashing range of this."
"(Barnabas) Good idea."
"(Julia) You know, it's odd. This portrait looks exactly the same as it did in 1970."
"(Barnabas) So?"
"(Julia) Well, if the portrait does Quentin's aging for him, and Quentin is 125 now, then shouldn't the Quentin in the portrait be a skeleton by this time?"
"(Barnabas) Hmm... Maybe the portrait has a portrait."
"(Julia) Never thought of that."


"(Quentin) Who are you two, anyway?"
"(Barnabas) Don't you recognize us, Quentin? It's Barnabas and Julia!"
"(Quentin) Well, where have you been keeping yourself all these years, Julia?"
"(Julia) Actually, I'm Julia."
"(Quentin) Oh. Of course. Hey! Great looking coat!"
"(Julia) Thank you."
"(Quentin) What are you doing in my cell? And who stole the mattresses off my walls?"
"(Barnabas) Psst. He thinks he's still in the Nuthouse."
"(Julia) Well, he's right about that."

(At Stokeswood, Carolyn is still pigging out)
"(Stokes) Another group of grapes, my dear?"
"(Carolyn) Thanks a bunch."
"(Stokes) That's not funny!"


"(Carolyn) Mmm, mmm, yum, yum! Smack, smack!"
"(Stokes) Carolyn, you've often said that everyone would come back to Collinwood one day."
"(Carolyn) Mmm, delicious!"
"(Stokes) Do you know something the rest of us don't know?"
"(Carolyn) Yes!"
"(Stokes) What? What??"
"(Carolyn) These things could use some whipped cream."
"(Stokes) Carolyn, will you know it off with the grapes? You're starting to sound like Spritle Racer with the candy!"


"(Stokes) Do you really believe the other are coming back?"
"(Carolyn) Sure. Don't you?"
"(Stokes) Do you know what happened to the other Collinses?"
"(Carolyn) Of course."
"(Stokes) What?"
"(Carolyn) Well, Carl was choked by a vampire. Laura died by fire. Cassandra..."
"(Stokes) I mean ones who weren't bumped off long before 1970. Like Elizabeth and Roger."
"(Carolyn) Oh. No clue."
"(Stokes) But you said..."
"(Carolyn) Well, I can't be expected to know them all!"

"(Stokes) Carolyn. You say the others are coming back, right?"
"(Carolyn) They never said goodbye. I always said that was very strange."
"(Stokes) Here's an idea. Maybe their coming back depends on you."
"(Carolyn) Me?"
"(Stokes) What I mean is, you've never been able to remember what happened on that night in 1970. Perhaps the others can't return until you do remember."
"(Carolyn) You think so?"
"(Stokes) Yes, maybe if you remembered, the others would return and Collinwood could be as it was."
"(Carolyn) Wait a minute! I'm remembering something!"
"(Stokes) Yes?"
"(Carolyn) I'm remembering! I'm remembering!"
"(Stokes) Yes, yes?? Yes??"
"(Carolyn) Oh. It's gone again."
"(Stokes) D'oh!"


(Back at the Old House)
"(Quentin) Wait a minute! I remember you two now! You're the... (mimes a fanging motion). And you're the (flutters his eyelashes and makes contorted faces)"
"(Barnabas and Julia) D'oh!"
"(Quentin) Whatever happened to the... (mimes a hunchback stance)
"(Julia) I think he means Willie."
"(Barnabas) Quite."

"(Quentin) But how did you get here? And why do you look the same?"
"(Julia) We're not the only ones who look the same, Quentin."
"(Barnabas) Quentin, we've got to know what happened the night the house was destroyed."
"(Quentin) Weren't you there?"
"(Julia) No, we weren't."
"(Quentin) Where were you?"
"(Barnabas) Well, we're not quite sure how time travel works, but it's possible that we were literally nowhere that day."
"(Quentin) And how do you get from Nowhere to Collinsport?"
"(Julia) Take the 6th Street Bypass."

"(Barnabas) The important thing is that we weren't there that night in the past. But perhaps some day in the future we will get to that day... in the past. And that's why we need you to tell us what happened that night, we we can prevent it!"
"(Quentin) Oh no! I don't like to think about that night."
"(Barnabas) Oh, no you don't! Now, you listen here, Quentin! You nearly got both Julia and I killed in Parallel Time by blabbing our personal secrets in Angelique's Room! If you think you're going to get away with withholding vital information now, you've got another think coming!"


"(Quentin) I don't quite know what happened that night. All I know is I failed. Just as I came here to do something toady, and I failed at that too. I've got to go now."
"(Barnabas) You must stay here and help us!"
"(Quentin) Help you?"
"(Barnabas) Yes! Something happened here at Collinwood 25 years ago, and you're going to tell us what it was!!"
"(Quentin) I don't like to talk about it! Or think about it! It was all... all my fault!"
"(Barnabas) Why does that not surprise me?"
"(Julia) How was it your fault?"
"(Quentin) I didn't prevent it!"
"(Julia) Well, that's ridiculous! We didn't stop it either. By that reasoning, it was our fault!"
"(Quentin) Yeah, good thinking! It was your fault!"
"(Barnabas) Julia, will you shut up??"


"(Barnabas) Do you remember what happened?"
"(Quentin) No!"
"(Barnabas) You were found wandering in the woods afterwards. You have no idea how you got there?"
"(Quentin) We were one year removed from the 1960's. People wandered aimlessly in the woods a lot back then."
"(Barnabas) Then you never actually saw what happened?"
"(Quentin) Not as such."
"(Julia) I've had enough of this, Barnabas. Let's rough him up."
"(Barnabas) But if he doesn't know what happened, it wouldn't help."
"(Julia) wouldn't hurt!"

"(Barnabas) Quentin, what do you know about the Playroom that exists at Collinwood?"
"(Quentin) Nothing!"
"(Barnabas) How did it get there?"
"(Quentin) How did what get there?"
"(Barnabas) The Playroom! There was no such thing there in 1970."
"(Quentin) Oh, yes there was! Always!"
"(Barnabas) I thought you didn't know anything about it."
"(Quentin) I don't!"
"(Barnabas) I give up, Julia. What do you think we should do?"
"(Julia) I think we should get a bucket of water, a cattle prod, 10,000 volts of direct current..."
"(Barnabas) I mean what could we do that would help the situation?"
"(Julia) Oh! I dunno, take him to the Playroom, and see if anything jogs his memory, I guess. (disappointed)"


(Barnabas, Quentin and Julia arrive in the cobweb-filled corridor)
"(Quentin) Mrs. Johnson must be dead. This place would never look this bad if she were on the job."
"(Barnabas) Mad as a hatter!"
"(Julia) Totally."

"(Barnabas) This is the Playroom, Quentin. Remember it?"
"(Quentin) No!"
"(Julia) We heard that music the other night before we saw the ghost in the window."
"(Quentin) I'm not going in there!"
"(Barnabas) Are you sure? Carolyn was having a party in there earlier. There might be some "refreshments" left."
"(Quentin) A party? Well, why didn't you say so! Let's go!"


(Quentin enters the Playroom and recoils in Horror)
"(Quentin) No!! It can't be!"
(runs off in horror)
"(Julia) What happened? Did Carolyn buy non-alcoholic beer?"

(Barnabas enters the Playroom and recoils in horror)
"(Barnabas) It can't be!"
"(Julia) What? Non-alcoholic blood too?"

(Julia enters and spots David standing there)
"(Julia) Oh, the kids are behind all this! Well, no wonder!"


          Episode 1065:   Barnabas and Julia search the playroom for clues, and later find an insane, but unaged Quentin trying to slash his portrait.