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Flash! Dark Shadows Reaches 1066!

Dark Shadows is Pre-Empted for a Special Edition of Animated Bible Stories!

Danny Partridge and Jan Brady Star in A Very Brady Massacre!

The Collinsport Players Do American Gothic (Horror)!

Today on Dark Shadows...

Quentin Becomes a Country Music Singer!

Mattell Gets the Dark Shadows License!
"Ghost Barbie, complete with chains, holy water, and cross. Barbie's Malibu Dungeon sold separately."

A Question of Identity Arises!
"I don't know if that's David or Tad, but he's got a Matt Line!"

Episode 1066

Starring Kathy Cody, Jonathan Frid, Grayson Hall, David Selby, David Henesy, James Storm
Original Script By Gordon Russell
Directed By Lela Swift
Caption Version by Graeme Cree

Read left to right, top to bottom

"My name is Gerard Stiles. The great house at Collinwood in the year 1995. For reasons which will probably never be explained, Barnabas and Julia were sent here when they left Parallel Time in 1970. In the future, they have found Collinwood in ruins, and most of the family long vanished. They are eagerly anticipating an opportunity to return to 1970, in order that they might save Collinwood, and also buy Microsoft stock on the ground floor."


"(Gerard) On this night, Barnabas and Julia lead a half-mad Quentin to a mysterious playroom that exists now, but did not in 1970. Meanwhile in Britain, as this is Episode 1066, King Harold is anxiously awaiting an invasion from Normandy."

(Outside the Playroom)
"(Bob Lloyd) The lithograph on the far wall depicts William the Conqueror's founding of Norman, Oklahoma."

Barnabas, Julia and Quentin approach to the strains of the Playroom theme)
"(Julia) Barnabas! That music! It's the same music we heard when we were hear the other night."
"(Barnabas) Oh, are we supposed to hear that? I thought it was just the Incidental Music for this scene."

"(Quentin) I don't want to go in there."
"(Barnabas) Why? Are you chicken?"
"(Quentin) That's it. I'm chicken."
"(Barnabas) Strange. That line always worked on Marty McFly."

(Quentin enters the Playroom and recoils in horror)
"(Quentin) No! No, it can't be! It's not him!!"

(Barnabas enters the Playroom and recoils in horror)
"(Barnabas) It's Him!"
"(Julia) I see, and I suppose it's up to me to break the tie."

(David Collins is standing there in the Playroom)
"(Barnabas) David!? He's the mastermind behind all this?"
"(Julia) Well, he's going to have to get a pair of platform shoes before he can be Mr. Big."



"(Julia) David!"
"(Barnabas) Please, Julia. Let me handle the talking."
"(Julia) All right."
"(Barnabas) David!"
"(Julia) D'oh!"

"(Julia) Look out, he's going to disappear!"
"(Barnabas) How can you tell?"
"(Julia) He hasn't got that matte line around him for nothing, you know."

"(Barnabas) David, don't your recognize us? It's Barnabas and Dr. Hoffman! Why won't you speak to us?"
"(Julia) Ask him if he's behind all this!"
"(Barnabas) Are you responsible for everything that's happened?"
(David gives them a confused, then turns away and dematerializes)
"(Barnabas) That's not going to help you, young man! You're grounded! Do you hear me? Grounded! Julia, get my belt!"
"(Julia) Barnabas, calm down a minute! Grounding him isn't going to help. He's been grounded 6 feet under for the last 25 years!"

(David vanishes completely)
"(Barnabas) Well, he's gone. What do you make of that?"
"(Julia) Incredible."
"(Barnabas) Isn't it?"
"(Julia) To think that we frightened off a ghost!"

"(Barnabas) Well, at least now we know what we're fighting, Julia."
"(Julia) Oh Barnabas, come now! David couldn't have engineered all this! Destroyed the house! Brought us to the future. Disappeared into thin air!"
"(Barnabas) Yes, well you said he couldn't make the faucets dispense green water either. Remember?"

"(Julia) Barnabas, David Collins is dead."
"(Barnabas) Is he? We didn't actually dig him up to make sure, you know."
"(Julia) Be serious. If he weren't a ghost, why would he still look 14 years old after all these years?"
"(Barnabas) Smoking. I always warned him it would stunt his growth."
"(Julia) Ridiculous. That doesn't explain how he disappeared."
"(Barnabas) All right, Julia. We'll go along with your theory that he's dead. But that doesn't change what I'm going to do to him if I ever get my hands on him!"

"(Barnabas) But if he is dead, why has he come back to Collinwood now?"
"(Julia) Perhaps he's been here ever since the apostrophe."
"(Barnabas) Catastrophe."
"(Julia) Sorry. Typo in my script, there. Did you see his expression? He didn't seem to recognize us."
"(Barnabas) No, but I'm convinced that this room holds the key to what we're looking for. It must hold the key to what happened in 1970."
"(Julia) Even though it didn't exist then?"
"(Barnabas) It must have existed in some form. Quentin was afraid of it."
"(Julia) Speaking of Quentin, we'd better find where he ran off to."
"(Barnabas) Yes, Quentin knows more than he's telling us. I'm anxious to know why he reacted to the ghost when he saw it."
"(Julia) Apart from the fact that it was a ghost, you mean?"
"(Barnabas) D'oh!"

(Meanwhile, Quentin comes downstairs, and starts pushing the door to get out)
"(Quentin) I'm locked out!!" *
(starts banging on the door)
"(Quentin) Let me in!! Let me in!!"
(looks around)
"(Quentin) Oh, wait a minute. I am in. I guess I got confused because we never had a forest in the Foyer before!"
(starts banging on the door again)
"(Quentin) Let me out! Let me out!!"
* Actually, that door opens inwards, Quentin.


(Hearing a whooshing noise from the Drawing Room, Quentin comes to investigate)
"(Quentin) Why doesn't Mrs. Johnson pick up in here?? It looks like an episode of This Old Dump!"

(Quentin traces the whooshing noise to the broken Seaward Window)
"(Quentin) Tis the wind, and nothing more. Hey, I like the sound of that. But there's no time for poetry, I've got to see if I can fight my through that forest in the Foyer!... Hmm... Only you can fight Forest Foyers! Ha, ha! That's pretty good! Even stark raving mad, I've still got it!"


(as the wind whips up to hurricane pitch, Quentin bends to his knees in abject terror)
"(Quentin) Yaaah!!!!"
(the chandelier crashes to the ground)
"(Quentin) No, no! Please leave me alone! I didn't want to come back here! They forced me! Please let me go! I won't say anything! I don't know anything! And if I ever do learn anything I won't say it!"

(Quentin runs out of the Drawing Room, screaming like a little girl)
"(Quentin) Waaaaah!!!!" *
* You'd never remember at this point that Quentin started the series as a vengeful ghost who drove the family out of the house himself. Now he's scared of them. Go figure.

(Quentin runs to the front door and starts banging and pushing on it again)
"(Quentin) Let me out!! Let me out!" *
* Uh, it opens inwards, remember?

"(Bob Lloyd) Quentin suddenly gets a chill down his spine, like somebody turned the studio air conditioning up full blast."
"(Dan Curtis) Now I'M getting a chill down my spine. Do you know what that stuff costs?"

(Quentin notices the Evil Spirit up on the landing)
"(Quentin) Aieeeee!"
(the Evil Spirit takes advantage of being on the landing to spit down)

(Quentin makes a run for it as the Evil Spirit comes downstairs)
"(Bob Lloyd) Isn't it bad luck for him to walk under that thing?"
"(Dan Curtis) He's dead. What harm could it do?"

(Quentin runs into the Drawing Room, and tries to Duck and Cover) *
* Duck and Cover: It's not just for Nuclear War any more.

(the cameraman films low to try to fool you into thinking the Evil Spirit is coming after Quentin) *
* Since the spirit was wearing black pants and Barnabas is wearing grey ones, astute viewers won't be fooled for a moment.

"(Barnabas) Quentin?"
"(Quentin) Yaaaah!! I'll talk! I'll talk! Barnabas is a vampire, and Julia is a..."
"(Quentin) Oh! Hi, Barnabas!"
"(Barnabas) Still playing it cool, eh Quentin?"


"(Quentin) Barnabas!"
"(Barnabas) What's wrong?"
"(Quentin) Barnabas, there's no way out! We're trapped here! We'll have to draw straws to see which two of us eats the other one!"
"(Barnabas) What are you talking about?"
"(Quentin) He's got us trapped in here!"
"(Julia) Who has?"
"(Quentin) The ghost! He's got us trapped in here! And there's no way out!"
"(Julia) What about through the broken Seaward Window?"
"(Quentin) Okay, there's ONE!"

"(Quentin) The ghost is out there on the landing! He's going to destroy us all!"
"(Barnabas) Quentin, we just came from the landing. There's no one there."
"(Quentin) There is!"
"(Barnabas) Look, I'll prove it to you."
"(Quentin) Where are you going??"
"(Barnabas) Up to the landing, to show you it's all clear."
"(Quentin) He'll kill you! Please! Don't go!"
"(Julia) You know, this is the oddest feeling, not being the most histrionic character in a scene for once."

(Barnabas goes to the top of the landing)
"(Barnabas) You see? All clear."
(spits down)
"(Quentin) Oh, no it's not! We're all in danger! He's got us trapped in this house! And there's no way out."
"(Julia) Except through the Seaward Window."
"(Quentin) Right, I already made allowances for that, remember?"


"(Barnabas) You say the door is locked?"
"(Quentin) Tighter than a drum!"
(Barnabas opens it)
"(Barnabas) A rather loose drum, if you ask me."
"(Quentin) Gangway!!"
(makes a dash for it)
"(Barnabas) Quentin. Come back to the Old House with us, and Julia will give you a sedative."
"(Quentin) Oh no! I don't want anything from either one of you. You should have never come back here! Never!"
"(Barnabas) Well, let me put it this way. You can have a sedative from Julia, or you can have one from me!"
(makes a fist)

(Quentin barrels out the front door)
"(Barnabas) You know, in my time, we had a word for people like that. A fellow like Quentin was considered to be a Niffynaffy Gilly Gaupas."
"(Julia) That has got to be the most stilted insult I've ever heard, Barnabas."
"(Barnabas) Well trust me, it was downright filthy in 1795."

"(Barnabas) Something wrong?"
"(Julia) I've got the same feeling I had the other night. The presence of Evil."
"(Barnabas) That's odd. And I have the same feeling I had the other night, too. A complete absence of the Feeling of Evil."
"(Julia) That's because you're a vampire, and such things feel normal to you."
"(Barnabas) I don't think so, Julia. Quentin is just imagining things. Call it a hunch, but I don't think there's an Evil presence anywhere near this house..."

(Up on the landing)
"(Spirit) He's right, you know."

(Moments later, in the woods)
"(Barnabas) Come on, Julia. Let me take you back to the Old House."
"(Julia) I'm still sure we were being watched back there."
"(Barnabas) Nonsense, you're just shaken. Once we get back to the Old house, take two sedatives for yourself out of petty cash."

"(Julia) Barnabas! Look up there!"
"(Barnabas) Where?"
"(Julia) In the Gazebo! It's David again. And he's got some blonde girl with him."
"(Barnabas) And not a bad looking one, either! That little operator! No wonder he didn't want anyone else around!"

(David and the blonde girl stand up)
"(Barnabas) You know, it had never occurred to me before just how old David is getting. It's going to be time to have that talk with him soon, about the Bats and the Bees."
"(Julia) Barnabas, he's dead!"
"(Barnabas) Well, perhaps I can leave a few things out."

(music starts playing out of nowhere)
"(Julia) Listen, Barnabas. It's that Playroom theme again!"
"(Barnabas) But this isn't the Playroom."
"(Julia) Well, who knows? Perhaps it's the Gazebo Theme too."
(David and the blonde girl bow to each other)

"(Barnabas) What I went to know is when David started dating Jan Brady?"
"(Julia) Barnabas, look! What's that they're doing with each other?"
"(Barnabas) The Minuet!"
"(Julia) The Minuet!?"
"(Barnabas) It's a dance, Julia."
"(Julia) Not any dance I've ever seen kids do. Whatever happened to the Foxtrot, or the Jitterbug, or the Charleston?"
"(Barnabas) You know, I've finally figured out why you associate with me, Julia. I'm the only person farther behind the times than you are."

(David and the Blonde Cutie conclude their dance and bow to each other again)
"(Julia) I can see why the Minuet went out of style. That looks extremely painful."
"(Barnabas) No, no, that's not part of the dance, Julia. It's just the comedy relief."


(David and the blonde girl walk off together arm in arm)
"(Julia) Perhaps we should approach them."
"(Barnabas) For what? Dance lessons?"
"(Julia) To talk to them!"
"(Barnabas) No. No, if they see us, they'll go away. Just watch here and wait. Let's see if we can learn something."
(David kisses the blonde girl on the cheek)
"(Julia) (coyly) Well? Are YOU learning anything, Barnabas?"


(David and the blonde girl begin to dissolve)
"(Barnabas) David! Wait, you must speak to us!"
(David and the girl just keep walking)
"(Barnabas) Who is that girl, Julia??"
"(Julia) Could it be Amy?"
"(Barnabas) No, she's much taller than Amy. Besides, Amy isn't a blonde."
"(Julia) Barnabas, I've got it! David is dead, right?"
"(Barnabas) Yes."
"(Julia) Well, maybe Amy dyed too! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"
"(Julia) All right, I was just trying to lighten things up a bit."

(David and the girl disappear completely)
"(Barnabas) How is it that I never had friends like that when I was David's age?"
"(Julia) Whoever she is, she must be an important figure in all of this."
"(Barnabas) And yet we've never seen her before."
"(Julia) How much time actually passed after we left before the disaster occurred?"
"(Barnabas) I don't know. But Quentin must know who she is. We'll ask him."
"(Julia) Right. Quentin knows ALL blondes."


(Meanwhile back at the Old House)
"(Quentin) Why won't you appear to me? Is it because of all the tragedy and death?... I mean, you're dead too, I didn't think you'd mind so much."

(Barnabas and Julia enter in the middle of Quentin's soliloquy)
"(Quentin) Nothing can change all that. Whatever's done cannot be undone. Just like… nothing can be done about the burden of guilt that I felt for all of these years. The memory of you is all I have left. Oh please, Daphne. Please let me see you again."
"(Julia) Let's get out of here! I think he's gonna sing!"


"(Barnabas) Er, Quentin?"
"(Quentin) How long have you two been standing there?"
"(Barnabas) Only a moment. Um, who's Daphne?"
"(Quentin) I'll tell you nothing but my Name, Rank and favorite cereal!"
"(Barnabas) Is Daphne the girl that we saw talking with David a short while ago?"
"(Julia) Because if she is, you're taking them a little young these days, aren't you, sport?"


"(Quentin) David? David who? Woodard?"
"(Barnabas) David Collins!"
"(Quentin) David Collins is dead."
"(Barnabas) Well, so is Dave Woodard, if you want to get technical! Now, who is Daphne??"
"(Quentin) I think she's the one who always goes off with Freddy when the gang splits up."
"(Barnabas) Julia, do you want to say it, or should I?"
"(Julia) D'oh!"
"(Barnabas) Thank you."

"(Barnabas) I'm talking about David Collins, Quentin. You know, the one you saw in the Playroom earlier, and then ran like the dickens."
"(Quentin) I never saw David in the Playroom."
"(Barnabas) Don't give me that, Quentin. I was there!"
"(Quentin) I'm telling you, I didn't see David. That was Tad that I saw."
"(Barnabas) Tad?"
"(Julia) Tad!?"
"(Barnabas) Who's Tad?"
"(Julia) The one I saw in the Playroom, of course!"
"(Barnabas) Quentin, you are asking for a sedative the size of a horse's rump!"

"(Barnabas) I know that who we saw was David. He was wearing David's clothes."
"(Julia) And I'm telling you it was Tad!"
"(Barnabas) David!"
"(Julia) Tad!"
"(Barnabas) David!"
"(Julia) Tad!"
"(Julia) Less Filling!"
"(Barnabas) Tastes Great!... Julia, please!"

"(Barnabas) Barnabas, look. It's very simple. Tad is dead. The boy you saw in the Playroom was David possessed by the Spirit of Tad!"
"(Quentin) But David is dead also! A ghost can't possess another ghost! It's simply not done!"
"(Barnabas) Also pointless."
"(Julia) I'm telling you that's what happened. David is dead, and the boy you saw in the playroom was Tad, another boy who looks exactly like David, but who also happens to be dead. Now, is that clear?"
"(Barnabas) Oh, perfectly! (Hurry up with that sedative, Julia)."

"(Barnabas) All right, have it your way. Who is Tad, and why is he possessing David?"
"(Quentin) (mood swing) I'll tell you nothing!!"
"(Barnabas) Since when!? You've been talking up to now!"
(Quentin grabs Barnabas by the shirt front)
"(Quentin) Barnabas, do you know what I do to people who ask too many nosy questions??"
"(Barnabas) What's that, Quentin? "(bares fangs)
"(Quentin) I... straighten their collar. Heh, heh."

"(Barnabas) But I still say it was David. He was in David's clothes."
"(Quentin) And I say it was Tad. He was in David's body."
"(Julia) Boys, boys! Stop that squabbling. Quentin, why don't you go upstairs and get some rest? Besides, there's an easy way to settle this."
"(Quentin) What's that?"
"(Julia) We just watch the credits at the end of the show."
"(Barnabas) Well, I'm not sure they'll be much of a help, Julia. For two months during Parallel Time, they kept calling Angelique "Alexis"."

(Quentin does upstairs to rest)
"(Julia) Barnabas, you'd better go downstairs to rest. It'll be dawn soon."
"(Barnabas) It seems that every night we get a new piece to the puzzle, but no answers. We've got three meaningless names: Tad, Carrie and Daphne. Who are they?"
"(Julia) And also that Evil Spirit we saw."
"(Barnabas) Gerard."
"(Julia) How do you know his name?"
"(Barnabas) I... cheated and watched the credits two days ago."


(Dawn comes to the postcard of the Old House)

(Julia is asleep in the Drawing Room)
"(Quentin) Julia?"
"(Julia) Yaaaah!! I'll talk! Barnabas is a... Oh! Hello, Quentin."
"(Quentin) Have a fright?"
"(Julia) No thanks, I just had one."


"(Quentin) You shouldn't be frightened of me. I never mean to hurt people... Intentionally... In the beginning."
"(Julia) Well, I'll remember that. Are you feeling any saner? I mean better."
"(Quentin) A bit. Say, I just passed by the Attic. Who locked the door?"
"(Julia) Barnabas did. To keep your portrait safe."
"(Quentin) Well, couldn't he have found someplace safer? Like a safe? There's no place as safe as a safe, you know."
"(Julia) Quentin, you're babbling again."

"(Julia) I thought I sent you upstairs to get some rest. The sun will be up soon."
"(Quentin) I can't get to sleep."
"(Julia) Watch me, I'll show you how."
"(Quentin) It would be better if you could read me a story."
"(Julia) A story?"
"(Quentin) Back in 1897, Jamison always read me a story before bedtime."
"(Julia) Not now, I'm too tired myself."
"(Quentin) Just a short one?"
"(Julia) All right, all right. Once upon a time, they lived happily ever after. The End."
"(Quentin) Thanks!"


(As Quentin leaves, Julia sees the blonde girl beckoning to her outside the window)
"(Julia) No, no! He just left!"
(the blonde girl beckons)
"(Julia) I'm telling you, Quentin is done for the day. Ask at the office, they'll give you an autographed picture."

"(Julia) Wait a minute, that's no groupie, that's the girl that was dancing with David!"
"(Quentin's Voice) Tad!!"
"(Julia) Whatever!"

(Outside, the blonde girl beckons Julia to follow, then darts off into the woods)
"(Julia) If I follow her, maybe I can find a clue to all this... Or at least where she gets her hair done. I love those curls."

(the blonde girl leads Julia up to Collinwood by way of the garden path) *
* Nuff said, or do we need to draw you a diagram?

(Julia follows)
"(Julia) Which way did she go? Which way did she go?"
(a headless spectre points inside)
"(Julia) Thanks, Shorty."


(Julia spots the blonde girl on the landing, and the hunter follows the hunted * upstairs)
* That's their relationship at the moment, but stay tuned for further updates.

(the blonde girl ducks into the Playroom, stopping to wipe her feet first) *
* Don't bother asking what a ghost might track in with them. We don't know either.


(Julia follows the girl into the Playroom)
"(Julia) Did you see a blonde girl go this way?"
"(Stuffed Puppy) Was she chasing a large white rabbit?"

(the door slams and locks)
"(Julia) Heh, heh. Those kids and their pranks. (GULP!)"
"(Julia) All right, already!!"

(As Julia turns around, Gerard is waiting for her)
"(Julia) BOY, do I feel stupid!"
(fade to black)

"(Barnabas) There, see? David."
"(Quentin) I still say that doesn't prove anything."


"(Barnabas) There, look. If Tad is David, how come Carrie isn't her alter ego?"
"(Julia) Because that character hasn't been introduced yet, and somebody cheated the other day and learned a character name from the credits."
"(Barnabas) D'oh!"


"(Bob Lloyd) Do you know what episode it is?"
"(Dan Curtis) 1066, of course."
"(Bob Lloyd) No, that's what episode it is in 1970. I've done some figuring, and figured out that this episode in 1995 is Episode 7566. Pretty amazing, huh?"
"(Dan Curtis) Especially when you consider that the entire series only goes to Episode 1245."

"(Ken McEwen) So, what did this episode have to do with the Norman Conquest?"
"(Dan Curtis) We're meeting at Hastings later for lattes."

          Episode 1066:   Barnabas and Julia see David's ghost. Quentin warns them of danger after Gerard Stiles' ghost taunts him.