Quentin Drops an F Bomb!


The Musical Chairs Marathon Goes Down to the Wire!


The Collinsport Players Do Star Wars!
"Help me, Obi-wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!"

Today on Dark Shadows...


Julia Visits the Funhouse!


Barnabas Thinks Outside the Box!


A Conga Line Goes Awry!


Episode 1067 7567

Starring Grayson Hall, James Storm, Jonathan Frid, Thayer David, David Selby, Kate Jackson
Original Script By Joe Caldwell
Directed By Lela Swift
Caption Version by Graeme Cree

Read left to right, top to bottom


"My name is Timothy Eliot Stokes. In the year 1995, Collinwood is abandoned and in ruins. The show itself has long since been cancelled, and is now running in reruns on The Sci-Fi Channel..."


"(Stokes) Barnabas and Julia have come upon the Collinwood of the future, in which Carolyn and Quentin have gone mad, I've gone curmudgeonly, Mrs. Johnson and David are dead, and everyone else is mysteriously disappeared, but probably in the same condition as Mrs. Johnson. Barnabas and Julia are unsure as to what caused the disaster, but the malevolent sneering spirit of Evil that haunts the house is one of their prime suspects."


"(Stokes) In our last exciting rerun, Julia was led to the Playroom by a mysterious blonde girl. Julia has lost the trail of the blonde girl right outside the Playroom, and is unlikely to pick it up again, considering that the blonde girl does not appear in this episode."


(Julia enters the Playroom)
"(Julia) Goldilocks? Where did you go?"
(there's not another living soul in the room)
"(Julia) Well, I already knew that!"


"(Julia) What was I thinking coming here all along without so much as a cross, vial of holy water, or a victim to jettison to cover my escape!?"


(the door slams)
"(Julia) Uh oh."
(tries the door and finds it locked)
"(Julia) Oh dear, I seem to be having a Madame Findlay moment..." *
* A local psychic killed by Quentin's ghost in similar circumstances back in the days when Quentin was dead.


(Julia turns around slowly to see the Ghost of Gerard sneering at her)
"(Julia) Um... (bluffing) I suppose you're wondering why I asked you here."


Blank:
-


(Gerard sneers Julia down)
"(Julia) So... (making small talk) How are you?..."
SNEER!
"(Julia) I'm fine too... Been dead long?... Oh, I guess that's a silly question."
SNEER!
"(Julia) Is there anything I can do for you? Is there anything I can get for you? You know, like preferably something that isn't in this room that I could leave this room to go get."
SNEER!
"(Julia) You know, I'm getting pretty tired of having to carry this whole scene by myself!"


(Gerard starts advancing on Julia)
"(Julia) Why won't you answer me??"
(Gerard advances)
"(Julia) Are you unable to speak, or are you unwilling>?"
(Gerard advances)
"(Julia) Or are you just not being paid scale? That would explain why you were so angry, wouldn't it?"


"(Julia) Look, what do you want from me?"
(no answer)
"(Julia) Why are you keeping me here?"
(no answer)
"(Julia) What are you going to do to me??"
(no answer)
"(Julia) Oooh, I'd hate myself forever if I didn't at least ask this: Are you single?"


Blank:
-


(In the Old House basement, Barnabas opens his coffin, and tries to climb out over the top of the lid)
"(Barnabas) I've got to stop getting up on the wrong side of the bed."


(Barnabas shuts his trap)
"(Barnabas) You know, I wonder if we even need to go back to 1970 at all? Quentin, Julia and I are intact, and we're the core group of characters. I'm not sure if going back to save the others is even worth the effort... Quentin and Carolyn are mad, of course, but on them it doesn't show so much."


(Upstairs, a mysterious figure is seated in the darkness, as Barnabas can be heard coming upstairs) *
* This would be pretty scary if you didn't remember that Barnabas was a vampire and this guy probably isn't.


(Barnabas comes upstairs)
"(Stranger) Barnabas?"
"(Barnabas) Yaaaah!!! Don't DO that!! No wonder I haven't aged in 25 years! You and Carolyn have each frightened me out of 15 years growth! By rights I should have gotten younger!"


"(Stokes) It's me. Eliot Stokes."
"(Barnabas) Er, I knew that... I meant don't sit in my chair. The legs have gotten weaker over the years. What are you doing here in the dark, anyway?"
"(Stokes) it was light when I sat down. I must have dozed off while waiting for you."
"(Barnabas) All alone? Isn't Julia here?"
"(Stokes) Apparently not. If you were downstairs, why didn't you hear when I called?"
"(Barnabas) Oh, well, I was busy putting padding on the walls."
"(Stokes) Padding?"
"(Barnabas) Yes, I was thinking of turning it into a guest room for Quentin."


"(Stokes) But why couldn't you hear me calling if you were down there?"
"(Barnabas) Er, well, you see, I was at the extreme far end of the basement. I'd spotted a, uh, flaw in the foundation back in 1970. I wanted to see if it had gotten worse."
"(Stokes) And has it?"
"(Barnabas) Let's put it this way. In a couple of years, the Old House Tower will be known as The Leaning Tower Room of Collinsport."
(As Barnabas lights one single candle, all the studio lights come on, bathing the entire room in bright light)
"(Stokes) (looking around) Sometimes I think the ghosts are the least spooky thing about this place."


"(Barnabas) Now, what was it you wished to see me about?"
"(Stokes) Well, I tried to revive Carolyn's memory about what happened on the night of the disaster"
"(Barnabas) The way you say that, it sounds like you failed."
"(Stokes) Well, I like to think that she failed. I mean, I asked all the right questions..."


"(Barnabas) Well, as long as you're here, I wonder if I could speak to you for a moment."
"(Stokes) What about?"
"(Barnabas) It seems as though there are at least two other ghosts here besides that Evil Spirit you mentioned. Do sit down."
(Stokes tries to sit, but gets stuck halfway down)
"(Stokes) Could someone give me a little push?"
SHOVE!
"(Barnabas) There you go, Admiral!"


Blank:
-


(At Collinwood, there's a dead Bishop on the landing) *
* It's never in fact been established that Gerard was a Bishop, but we're not going to get this close to a Monty Python reference and just let it slide.


(On the ground floor, Julia meekly walks downstairs and out of the house without being hindrance)
"(Julia) How strange that he's just letting me go. What's the catch? Could it be the fact that I now feel like doing His bidding, and wouldn't mind betraying Barnabas in a heartbeat if He asked me to? Oh, but I always felt that way, didn't I? I'm sure I did..."


(Back at the Old House)
"(Barnabas) All right, Professor, the time for games is over. It's time for us to both be honest with each other, and come clean. Now, what do you know about this business that you're not telling?"
"(Stokes) Well, if this is truly the time for coming clean at last, I have a list of 85 questions here that you'd promised to "explain when there was more time", but never got around to. They cover everything to the secret of Cassandra Collins to why Julia and Willie buried you alive in 1968, to what you mean that time when you implied that my time travel herbs might work on you because you'd come from another century."
"(Barnabas) Er, on second thought, it's NOT coming clean time just yet. Any chance I could buy a few more answers from you on our usual Ask Now Explain Later plan?"


"(Stokes) I'd be glad to do what I can to help, Barnabas. But as I told you, I was in Switzerland during the war... er, I mean when the disaster happened. By the time I got back, the house was already destroyed."
"(Barnabas) Well, do you know anything about two children living here on the estate?"
"(Stokes) Well, there was David and Amy, of course. I'd never forget them... not after that time they glued my hat to my head when I fell asleep in the Drawing Room."


"(Barnabas) I thought you told me that Amy had left town."
"(Stokes) Oh, yes. She did, of course. Months before the disaster."
"(Barnabas) Do you know of any other little girls David might have associated with? Particularly blonde ones?"
"(Stokes) Blonde ones? Let me see. The old memory is starting to go at this point. Did you actually see David?"
"(Barnabas) Possibly. His ghost, that is. But Quentin insisted that he was someone named Tad. And he was with a blonde girl who looked like Jan Brady, but who might possibly have been named Carrie."
"(Stokes) Hmm, it doesn't ring any bells. But, I've got it. If you're looking for news of any new Devil Tots in the area, you might check the wanted posters at the Post Office."
"(Barnabas) Don't try to be funny, Professor... Besides, I already did that."


"(Barnabas) Are you saying the names Tad and Carrie mean nothing to you?"
"(Stokes) I don't know of any children by those names living at Collinwood. Where did you get those names?"
"(Barnabas) Julia and I found a birthday card in the Playroom, made out to Tad from Carrie."
"(Stokes) Playroom?"
"(Barnabas) The ghostly Playroom in the upstairs hallway that isn't there in 1970. Surely I mentioned this to you the other day!
"(Stokes) I don't know anything about the Playroom except what you've told me. As you say, it wasn't there in 1970, and I haven't been inside Collinwood since then."
"(Barnabas) Well, what steps DID you take when you found out about the ghost?"
"(Stokes) Very long ones."


"(Barnabas) All right, do you know anything about someone named Daphne?"
"(Stokes) Another child?"
"(Barnabas) I don't think so. I think it might be a woman Quentin was in love with."
"(Stokes) Really, Barnabas. Quentin can't keep track of all his women himself. You don't expect me to!"


"(Stokes) Er, did you say you'd talked to Quentin?"
(Quentin appears in the doorway)
"(Quentin) Oh, yes! He talked to Quentin! And now Quentin is going to talk to Professor Stokes! And when I say "talk", I mean put my hands around his neck and squeeze really hard!"
"(Barnabas) Quentin, please! Don't kill the Professor until I've finished talking to him!"


(Quentin goes for Stokes' jugular, and has to be pulled off, kicking and screaming)
"(Quentin) I'm going to kill you! I told you I'd kill you and I meant it!"
"(Barnabas) Quentin, no! Why would you want to harm the Professor?"
"(Quentin) Because he knows every native language, is an expert on every subject, and he can't build a lousy raft!"
"(Barnabas) What?"
"(Quentin) Sorry, wrong Professor."


"(Barnabas) Quentin, why do you want to kill Professor Stokes?"
"(Quentin) Because he FAILED! He tried to exorcise Collinwood, and all it did was make the ghost angrier! The incompetent boob!"
"(Barnabas) Well, thank your lucky stars that he is an incompetent boob, Quentin! Because he also failed to exorcise the house when you were haunting it, * and if he'd succeeded, you wouldn't be here now!"
"(Stokes) If you two are going to argue, I'll just be on my way..."
* Episode 693.


"(Barnabas) Hold it right there, Professor. Quentin, don't be absurd. This is New England, you don't kill a houseguest!"
"(Quentin) But he failed! He failed! Look around you and you can see for yourself!"
"(Barnabas) What is he talking about?"
"(Quentin) You and your phony exorcism!"
"(Stokes) It wasn't phony, merely incompetent, as you said."
"(Quentin) You said that you could rid Collinwood of the ghost. And what happened? You simply raised his wrath. Made him angrier!"
"(Barnabas) When did this happen, Quentin?"
"(Quentin) The week after Stokes got back from Europe."
"(Barnabas) Quentin, your family was already dead by that time!! How much angrier could the ghost have gotten?"


"(Quentin) Just let me get my hands around his neck and I'll worry about whether it makes sense later!"
"(Barnabas) You already did get your hands around his neck. Just now."
"(Quentin) I mean longer. It doesn't count unless his face turns purple and he dies."
"(Stokes) And with that, I really must be going! There's a Sightings episode on tonight... and I want to make sure I'm not on it! (leaves in haste)"


"(Barnabas) It's getting so I can't take you anywhere, Quentin!"
(Julia enters)
"(Julia) What's going on here? I just saw Stokes leave in haste."
"(Barnabas) Oh, Quentin just tried to strangle him."
"(Julia) What for? Stokes doesn't even drink brandy."


Blank:
-


"(Barnabas) Stokes didn't drink Quentin's brandy!"
"(Quentin) He brought the ghost down on us!"
"(Barnabas) Well, perhaps he meant well."
"(Quentin) And you two call me crazi."


"(Quentin) So, Stokes was running through the woods."
"(Julia) Well, not running so much as puffing and wheezing a lot."
"(Quentin) Good, I'll catch him there."
"(Barnabas) Er, Quentin, you'll be much better able to catch him if you get some rest first."
"(Quentin) Good idea, as long as I can make an early start of it. The early bird catches the big fat worm, you know."
"(Barnabas) Well, quite."
"(Julia) Why is he so mad at Stokes?"
"(Barnabas) He says that Stokes' failed exorcism is what caused the disaster, by annoying the ghost. Julia, take him upstairs and give him a sedative about the size of a horses rump."
"(Julia) Well, of course it failed. When it comes to Gerard, all resistance is futile."
"(Barnabas) And an anti-psychotic for yourself."


(Barnabas paces nervously)
"(Barnabas) It's dangerous for me to be up when there's still a little daylight outside? If I should forget myself and go out to get the evening paper, today will be Fry Day."


(Julia returns)
"(Barnabas) Well?"
"(Julia) He's calmer, I'm hoping he'll sleep."
"(Barnabas) Where is he?"
"(Julia) In Josette's Room."
"(Barnabas) You put Quentin in Josette's Bedroom??"
"(Julia) Oh, it's not like he probably wasn't there when she was alive."


"(Barnabas) Julia, I'm convinced that that Evil Spirit holds the key to everything that's happened here?"
"(Julia) The Evil Spirit that destroyed the family, you mean? I tend to agree."
"(Barnabas) I've been thinking about Stokes' attempt to exorcise the house. Perhaps it's time to try again."
"(Julia) Barnabas, the family has already been destroyed. Isn't that kind of like locking the barn door after the horse has escaped?"


Blank:
-


"(Barnabas) Look, maybe the exorcism would at least have some beneficial effect on Carolyn or Quentin."
"(Julia) What if the spirit can't be reached?"
"(Barnabas) I don't want to reach him, I just want to get rid of him."
"(Julia) No Barnabas, it's too dangerous!"
"(Barnabas) Why? Because we'll make the spirit angry again?"
"(Julia) No, because if the exorcism deactivates the Parallel Time Room, there goes our chance of getting home."
"(Barnabas) You think an exorcism might deactivate the Parallel Time Room? Oh no. Exorcisms are about Magic. The Parallel Time Room operates by sciency... stuff."
"(Julia) I guess I hadn't thought about it that way."


Blank:
-


"(Julia) Barnabas, you don't know the first thing about exorcising a house. You're a vampire, exorcisms aren't in your line, anyway. That's like Quentin joining a Temperance League."
"(Barnabas) We've got to do something. I know. How about using the I-Ching to try to reach Gerard?"
"(Julia) Oh no! We're not going through that again."
"(Barnabas) Well, have you got a better idea?"
"(Julia) Hmmm... How about holding a seance to contact each of our friends?"
"(Barnabas) What will that do?"
"(Julia) The ones we can't reach may still be alive."
"(Barnabas) Julia, we're not going to summon Elizabeth or Roger, and then when they get here, tell them "Sorry, we just wanted to see if you were dead"!"


"(Barnabas) I still favor the exorcism idea. There must be someone in this time capable of performing one. We'll call around. I wonder if I can be seen on the picturephones they're bound to have by 1995?"
"(Julia) Barnabas, it's too dangerous. If the Spirit knows you're planning it, he'll retaliate in some way. He doesn't let anything get in his way."
"(Barnabas) How do you know that?"
"(Julia) Oh, well, because, just of the feeling I got when I saw him. You saw that sneer of his."
"(Barnabas) Well, perhaps he's a one-trick pony, and that sneer is all that he's got. Besides, how dangerous is a sneer, anyway?"
"(Julia) How dangerous!? For all we know, he could be the Anti-Mary Tyler Moore!"
"(Barnabas) What are you talking about?"
"(Julia) You know how she turns the world on with her smile? Maybe he turns it off with his sneer!"


"(Barnabas) Julia, is something wrong with you tonight? You're making about as much sense as Quentin."
"(Julia) (to herself) What's wrong with me? Why don't I just tell Barnabas what happened to me in the Playroom??"
(Sees Gerard sneering at her through the window)
"(Julia) Oh, that's right, because I'm in his power, that's why!"


"(Julia) (with great effort) Barnabas... Something happened to me tonight."
(Gerard sneers)
"(Barnabas) What is it, Julia?"
"(Julia) It's quite... important."
"(Barnabas) Well?"
(Gerard sneers)
"(Julia) I was… sitting in this room…"
(Gerard sneers)
"(Barnabas) And?"
(Gerard sneers)
"(Julia) (breaking down) And nothing happened at all!!! It was the weirdest thing I ever saw!"


"(Barnabas) The weirdest thing you ever saw was nothing?"
"(Julia) Well, I was expecting a lot more, you see. I had that feeling again, like an Evil presence was near, and when nothing happened, I... just wigged out. I guess I shouldn't have mentioned it."
"(Barnabas) Mentioned what?"
"(Julia) Don't be funny!"


"(Barnabas) Julia, you're on edge. You've got to be careful. Especially during the day when I'm not around."
"(Julia) I will, I will. The ghosts aren't around then either, you know."
"(Barnabas) Speaking of that, where were you at sundown?"
"(Julia) Oh, I... just went for a walk. I felt cooped up here all day."
"(Barnabas) You're supposed to be guarding me then. I hope you didn't go to Collinwood by yourself."
"(Julia) Do I look like I've got Stupid written all over my face?"
"(Barnabas) Not all over it, no. But I can see you letting yourself get lured there by one of the ghosts or something."
"(Julia) How could you see it while you were asleep?... I mean don't be absurd!"


BUMP!
(something goes bump in the night)
"(Barnabas) What was that?"
"(Julia) Probably Quentin."
"(Barnabas) Didn't you give him a sedative?"
"(Julia) Of course. The usual Flintstones Chewables."
"(Barnabas) What size?"
"(Julia) A Barney."
"(Barnabas) I'm going up there and give him a Fred!"


(As Barnabas goes upstairs, Julia writes a note, and sneaks out the front door)
"(Julia) (writing) Must get Marching Orders from Prince of Evil."
(crumples it up)
"(Julia) (writing) Went to 7-11 for nachos."


Blank:
-


(After Julia leaves, Barnabas leads Quentin downstairs)
"(Barnabas) Julia, we're out of chewables!... Where did she go?"
"(Quentin) Oh, my head!"
"(Barnabas) Come on, Quentin."
"(Quentin) I feel like my head's going to explode in a thousand pieces."
"(Barnabas) Sit down. We'll have a nice, bland conversation that won't upset you."
"(Quentin) You know, this is the worst I've ever felt on a day where I remember what I did the night before."


Blank:
-


"(Barnabas) Julia, do you... Where'd she go?"
"(Quentin) You're asking me?"
"(Barnabas) Wait a moment, she left a note... She says she's gone out."
"(Quentin) Where?"
"(Barnabas) She doesn't say. Just Out. I wish she'd waited until I could have told her to pick up more sedatives while she was out."
"(Quentin) Okay, but no more of those Flintstones Chewables. My head's going Bam-Bam-Bam as it is."


"(Quentin) And speaking of that, Julia needs to pick up more than sedatives. I'll need something for this splitting headache, too."
"(Barnabas) No, no. She can get you a sedative for that too."
"(Quentin) Again? What would she do for this hangnail?"
"(Barnabas) A sedative. Julia may not be the world's best doctor, but she's consistent."


Blank:
-


(Meanwhile, Julia wends her way to the Playroom)
"(Julia) Well, here I am. Ready for orders and abuse (under protest, of course)"


(Julia spots a mysterious woman in the far corner)
"(Julia) What's going on here?? Who are you!? I'm the one he wants! Get out of here this instant or I'll kill you!"
(the woman disappears)
"(Julia) Too late."


Blank:
-


(As Julia looks around in surprise, Gerard comes in through the Playroom door) *
"(Julia) There you are! Who was that woman!? You told me I was the only one you'd mind-locked! Oh, you men are all alike! Enslave 'em and leave 'em!"
* Yes, we can't figure out why he doesn't just walk through the walls either.


"(Julia) Well, come on! Out with it! Who was that woman?"
(Gerard sneers)
"(Julia) Why does the room smell of lilacs when she's here?"
(Gerard sneers)
"(Julia) Well, why did you summon me here when you could have just given me my orders through the window?"
(Gerard sneers)
"(Julia) Well, don't worry, I promise I won't tell Barnabas any of this... (If there were anything to tell)."


Blank:
-


"(Julia) Won't you tell me anything about her?"
(Gerard sneers)
"(Julia) I see, you want me to mind my own business. Well, why did you send for me?"
(Gerard sneers slightly differently)
"(Julia) No, of course not. I said I wouldn't tell, and I won't."
(Gerard sneers slightly differently)
"(Julia) You want me to..."
(opens up a book entitled "Sneer to English Dictionary" and reads)
"(Julia) You want me to... go back to the Old House and await further instructions. (I can't believe it. I'm starting to speak Sneer)."


(At the Old House)
"(Stokes) You're quite sure Quentin won't come back down?"
"(Barnabas) Don't worry, he's sleeping. And what I gave him would floor a wild bull elephant. Would you care to sit down?"
"(Stokes) Thank you, no. Last time it took me 45 minutes to get up again."


"(Stokes) Quentin is dangerous. You should have sent him back to the Daisy Hill Funny Farm."
"(Barnabas) I would have if I could have explained to them who I was. What would you say if I said I knew a way to cure him completely."
"(Stokes) I'd probably say that I knew one too, but that it had some unfortunate side effects."
"(Barnabas) Who cares about side effects? If it'll work, let's see it."
(Stokes pulls out a revolver)
"(Barnabas) Oh!"


"(Barnabas) Well, I have an idea about how to cure him without killing him."
"(Stokes) All right, what is it?"
"(Barnabas) Another exorcism."
"(Stokes) How would that help Quentin?"
"(Barnabas) Well, by ridding him of the spirit that's troubling him, of course."
"(Stokes) Well, that won't help if his mind has already been damaged."
"(Barnabas) Oh, you're just against the idea because you didn't think of it first."
"(Stokes) I did think of it first. That's why Quentin wants to kill me, remember?"
"(Barnabas) Well, just because your exorcism failed doesn't mean mine will."
"(Stokes) Why? What are you planning to do differently than mine?"
"(Barnabas) Succeed."
"(Stokes) D'oh!"


(Back in the Playroom)
"(Julia) Won't you say anything to me?"
(Gerard sneers)
"(Julia) I want you to say nothing. (Reverse psychology!)."
(Gerard sneers)
"(Julia) If you don't say anything, you won't get paid for a speaking role!"
(Gerard sneers)
"(Julia) At least I think I've figured out what he's sneering about."


Blank:
-


(Back at the Old House)
"(Stokes) I wish you would learn from my frightening experience, and abandon this plan, Barnabas."
"(Barnabas) Well, don't worry. I plan to read up on exorcisms before I do anything."
"(Stokes) Well, that's something."
"(Barnabas) I've even rented this movie, The Exorcist, from a place called Brickbuster Video, and plan to study it intensely for ideas."
"(Stokes) Well, that's something, at least."
"(Barnabas) Just one question, professor. What exactly is a VCR?"


Blank:
-


(Stokes wanders through the woods)
"(Stokes) Julia? Is that you up there? If it isn't... HELP!!"


"(Stokes) Julia?"
(Julia is with Gerard)
"(Julia) How can he see me in this jacket?? This is practically camouflage!"


(Stokes catches up to Julia, but Gerard is gone)
"(Stokes) Julia. Are you all right?"
"(Julia) Yes, you startled me, that's all."
"(Stokes) Who was that I just saw walking with you."
"(Julia) I wasn't with anyone. It was probably a trick of the light."
"(Stokes) No, I'm certain that I saw a man walking along with you just before I walked up."
"(Julia) Really Professor, if I'd been with a man, do you think I'd have let him get away?"
"(Stokes) Touche."


"(Stokes) Come on. I'll walk you back to the Old House."
"(Julia) No, I'll be fine. Look, it's just up ahead."
(Julia sets out alone)
"(Stokes) (to himself) There was someone with her. I'm certain there was!... Now, if we could just establish whose side my character is on, I'd know what to do about that."


Blank:
-


(Back at the Old House)
"(Barnabas) Where did you go?"
"(Julia) Out for a walk?"
"(Barnabas) Again!?"
"(Julia) I was locked up in Angelique's dungeon for six days not long ago. I get Cabin Fever easily now."
"(Barnabas) I suppose. Where did you go?"
"(Julia) Just into town. For some reason, half the people I met on the streets asked me if I was Pearl Forrester. What on earth does that mean?"
"(Barnabas) Probably some 1990's joke."


"(Julia) How's Quentin?"
"(Barnabas) Wonderful! He's asleep."
"(Julia) I'd better check on him."
"(Barnabas) Good. You know, I haven't always been kind to my cousins. Sometimes I've been downright cruel to them... Especially the ones I've killed. But seeing what's gone on at Collinwood, and is still going on just breaks my heart. It... It... I don't know how to describe it, exactly."
"(Julia) This is the most trouble they've ever gotten into without your help?"
"(Julia) That's it exactly!"


"(Julia) Barnabas, let's get away from here. Let's try to get back to 1970 while we can. Besides, I've worn this same outfit for 2 weeks and it's starting to develop a personality of its own, if you know what I mean."
"(Barnabas) Leave here? Doing nothing? Knowing nothing? Go back home and watch it happen?"
"(Julia) I've got an idea. Let's go back now... LET the disaster happen... Watch it and figure out how to prevent it, then go back to 1970 AGAIN, and really fix it the second time."
(silence)
"(Julia) Well?"
"(Barnabas) Give me some time to think about that and figure out if there's anything wrong with it first."


Blank:
-


(As Julia goes upstairs, an actual, honest-to-goodness Charlie's Angel, in fact none other than Kate Jackson herself, materializes right in front of Barnabas' face!!)
"(Barnabas) Er, Julia? DO you have any of those anti-psychotics left?"


(As the lights go out, the Charlie's Angel seems to be trying to communicate with Barnabas)
"(Barnabas) Who... are... you?... My... name... is... Barnabas... I... want... to... be... your... friend!... (BOY, do I want to be your friend)!"


(the Charlie's Angel fades away)
"(Barnabas) No, don't go!"
(Trying to catch her, Barnabas bonks his head on the stone pillar)
"(Barnabas) Ouch."


(Where the Charlie's Angel had been, Barnabas finds a new note on the desk)
"(Barnabas) (reading) "She will die"... Well, she's already dead, isn't she? Isn't that the way that disappearing trick is done?"


Blank:
-


"(Julia) Well, at least there's one good thing, Barnabas. All that's happened here has helped you to forget Roxanne."
"(Barnabas) ROXANNE!!!!! (Sob)"


"(Bob Lloyd) I still wish we knew what Stokes' angle was."
"(Dan Curtis) in this shot, about 45 degrees."


Blank:
-


"(Bob Lloyd) So, who is Gerard, anyway?"
"(Dan Curtis) Oh, now that's still a secret."
"(Bob Lloyd) Oh, The Secret Storm, eh?"
"(Dan Curtis) D'oh!"


"(John Forsythe) Angels, you're going undercover in Collinsport. Just one thing, you'll have to die first."


          Episode 1067:   Gerard's ghost terrorizes Julia. Quentin wants to kill Professor Stokes, whom he blames for Collinwood's destruction.