Separated at Birth!

Jan Brady

Hallie Stokes

...Or is it the other way around?

Barnabas and Julia Get Ambushed By the Paparazzi!

Barnabas Tries One of Those RIDICULOUS Mad Fold-Ins!

Back in 1970, Quentin and Barnabas Talk Things Over!
"So, who was that lady I saw you with in 1995, Quentin?"
"That was no lady, that was Julia."
"I heard that!"

Today on Dark Shadows...

Hallie Starts Learning to Fit in at Collinwood!

New Sponsor: RCA Victor!

The Collinsport Players Do The Time Tunnel!

Episode 1071

Starring Kathy Cody, Jonathan Frid, Grayson Hall, Joan Bennett, David Selby
Original Script By Gordon Russell
Directed By Henry Kaplan
Caption Version by Graeme Cree

Read left to right, top to bottom

"My name is Quentin Collins. The Great House of Collinwood in the year 1995. After escaping from Parallel Time, Barnabas Collins and Julia Hoffman discovered a future Collinwood that lay in ruins... Lie in ruins? Lied in ruins? Wait a minute..."

The spirit that reigns over the house possessed Julia and forced her to betray Barnabas' secret to the local Sheriff. That man is now the ex-local Sheriff. Barnabas and Julia escaped from the ghost by stepping through a door, and finding themselves in yet another time. You've heard of The Time Tunnel? Meet The Time Closet."

"This man has been pretty much clueless about all of this. And he's our Hero. Go figure."

(In 1995, Barnabas leads Julia through the gateway)
"(Julia) Oh Barnabas! I hope we can finally escape from this horrible future in 1995, where the ghost of Gerard killed our friends and destroyed Collinwood, and is trying to kill us now by..."
"(Barnabas) There, there, give it a rest, Julia. Anybody who's just tuning in now is going to have to pick it up on their own."

(Barnabas and Julia find themselves on a mysterious stair, awash in a blazing swirl of flashing lights and special effects) *
* To be applied in Post Production.

"(Barnabas) Julia, look! A door!"
"(Julia) Yippee... So what?"

(Barnabas opens the door and leads Julia through)
"(Barnabas) Here, sit down and relax."
"(Julia) Barnabas, this is the hallway outside the Playroom. How did we get here by taking the door on the opposite side of the room?"
"(Barnabas) Oh, I don't know. If you're going to nitpick like that, what's that boom mike doing over our heads?"


(As Barnabas eases Julia into a chair, the cute little blonde girl appears before them, now alive and kicking)
"(Cute Little Blonde Girl) Who are you??"
"(Barnabas) Carrie!"
"(Hallie) Carry her yourself! She's your friend!"
(fade to black)



"(Barnabas) We don't know how you helped us, but we want to thank you. By the way, weren't you dead before?"
"(Hallie) Helped you?? What are you talking about??"
"(Barnabas) Don't be afraid of us."
"(Hallie) Who are you?? What are you doing here?? Are you going to kill me??"
"(Barnabas) Er, we'll let you know in a minute. Julia, a word, please..."

"(Julia) Barnabas. Her dress. Her dress, it's not the same girl."
"(Barnabas) If she can create magic doors and disappear, why can't she change her dress in two minutes?"
"(Julia) Change her dress AND remove that 10 pounds of makeup she had on? Don't make me laugh."

"(Hallie) If you're not going to kill me, I'm going to go tell Mrs. Stoddard you're here."
"(Barnabas) No, wait. You must believe that we're harmless... Er, well that we aren't going to harm you, at least."
"(Hallie) But who are you?"
"(Barnabas) I'm Barnabas Collins, and this is Julia Hoffman."
"(Hallie) I've heard them talk about you."
"(Julia) All good, I hope!"
"(Hallie) Oh, great! Heh, heh. Just peachy."
"(Julia) No surprise there."
"(Hallie) Which one of you has the diploma with the word "Harvard" misspelled?"
"(Julia) D'oh!"


"(Julia) Did you say that Mrs. Stoddard was here? Here in this house?"
"(Hallie) Yes, of course."
"(Barnabas) Alive?"
"(Julia) Barnabas, please...."
"(Julia) Actually, that is a good question, come to think of it. Is she?"


"(Hallie) Of course she's alive."
"(Barnabas) And the house isn't ruined any more either. Julia, is it possible that we travelled through time while we were on those stairs?"
"(Julia) It's possible."
"(Barnabas) Then where are we? Still in 1995, or have we made it back to 1970?"
"(Julia) Well, there's one way to find out. Young lady, what do you think of Bobby Sherman?"
"(Hallie) Bobby Sherman?? He's Groovy!!"
"(Julia) We're in 1970."

"(Hallie) Well, of course it's 1970. What other year could it be?"
"(Julia) I know it may seem very strange that we don't know, but we've just had a very frightening experience, you see. Even if we explained it to you, you wouldn't be able to understand."
"(Hallie) Thanks a lot!"
"(Julia) Barnabas, I don't know how we got back, but we made it! Here we are!"
"(Barnabas) And in time to try to prevent what's going to happen."
"(Hallie) Just an FYI. I don't understand a word you're saying."
"(Julia) I'm sorry about that, Carrie."
"(Hallie) Carrie? My name is Hallie."
"(Barnabas) What's your last name? Tosis?"
"(Hallie) Ma'am, can I kick him??"
"(Julia) Better not, he can rip your throat out. Just roll your eyes and ignore him like I do."

"(Julia) By the way, what are you doing here?"
"(Hallie) My parents were killed in an accident, and Mrs. Stoddard invited me to stay at Collinwood."
"(Julia) Well, come on, let's go all see Mrs. Stoddard or Roger Collins together."
"(Hallie) Roger is in Europe for the duration of this storyline."
"(Julia) I see. What's your last name, Hallie?"
"(Hallie) Stokes."
"(Julia) You're not related to Professor Stokes, are you?"
"(Hallie) He's my uncle."
"(Julia) D'oh! You see, Julia?? He was holding out on us. He never told us his niece was living here in 1970, and I specifically asked about little blonde girls. Ooooh, when I get my hands on him..."

(Downstairs, Liz is reading)
"(Liz) How did Encyclopedia know that Bugs was lying about the priceless stamp collection? Turn to page 91 to find out."
"(Liz) Ooooooh, that was so obvious!"
(tosses the book in frustration)

(Quentin rushes in and closes the door)
"(Quentin) Elizabeth. I've got Good News and Bad News."
"(Liz) What's the Bad News?"
"(Quentin) There's a fire in the East Wing."
"(Liz) That's bad."
"(Quentin) No, the Good News is that it's in Parallel Time."
"(Liz) Thank goodness."
"(Quentin) Unfortunately, I think Barnabas and Julia were caught in the fire."
"(Liz) That's Bad. How do you know?"
"(Quentin) There was some redhead wandering through the smoke and flames calling their name. I think she was overcome by smoke inhalation."
"(Liz) That's worse! Haven't you got any more Good News to tell?"
"(Quentin) She... was kind of cute."

"(Liz) Who was the redhead?"
"(Quentin) Dunno. I've never seen her before."
"(Liz) I thought you knew all the women in this town."
"(Quentin) So did I. This is kind of a shock to me."
"(Liz) Did she say anything that might help you to understand where Barnabas and Julia were, or what had been happening to them?"
"(Quentin) Elizabeth, she was just wandering around calling their names. She didn't stop and explain half the backstory... Which is kind of odd for that room, I grant you."

"(Liz) Look, do you know for a fact that Barnabas and Julia were killed in this fire?"
"(Quentin) No, I didn't see them."
"(Liz) So, they could still get back."
"(Quentin) Well, that's going to be difficult. You see, while I was watching, that whole wing of the house collapsed in the fire. When the room changes now, all you can see is a big empty space, and the ground about 50 feet below."
"(Liz) Are you saying that Barnabas and Julia can't get back?"
"(Quentin) Not unless they find a very long stepladder."

"(Quentin) In light of this, I think we're going to have to accept the fact that we'll never see Barnabas and Julia again."
(Quentin and Liz brood in silence for about 30 seconds)
(Barnabas and Julia burst in)
"(Barnabas) Hello!"
"(Liz) You missed your cue. Do you know, if you'd walked in 29 seconds earlier, that would have been really funny?"

"(Quentin) So, you two made it back, after all! Did you have any trouble?""
"(Barnabas) Oh, a bit... Like, when you accidentally blabbed BOTH of our secrets to Hoffman and Angelique in the Parallel Time Room!!"
"(Quentin) Um... You're not mad, are you?"
"(Barnabas) Of course not, Quentin. Put 'er there."
(Barnabas shakes hands with Quentin and stomps his foot, while Julia sneaks up behind and pours the brandy over his head.)

(One commercial later, Barnabas and Julia are telling their exciting story to Liz and Quentin)
"(Barnabas) ...It was at that point that we realized that Stokes had set fire to the house. Acting decisively, and with no thought for my own welfare, I slung Julia over my shoulder, and fought my way through the flames...."
"(Liz) Does this story go on much longer?"
"(Quentin) Be glad he didn't bring a slide projector with him."

"(Barnabas) Is my story not gripping you?"
"(Quentin) It's not that, we're just so relieved that you two weren't lost in the fire."
"(Julia) Quentin. How did you know about the fire before we told you?"
"(Liz) Quentin saw the room change. He said it was filled with smoke."
"(Quentin) And of course, where there's smoke, there's fire."
"(Liz) Exactly."


"(Barnabas) When did you see this?"
"(Quentin) Oh, I don't know. Ten minutes before you and Julia arrived, I guess."
"(Barnabas) Well, I don't see how that could be. The fire occurred 11 episodes ago."
"(Quentin) You spent 11 episodes escaping from a fire?"
"(Barnabas) Well no, that's the most interesting part of our story, actually. In fact, it's a whole new story in itself."
"(Liz and Quentin) Ooooooh!"
(both sink back down to the sofa)


"(Barnabas) You see, the room didn't bring us back here. Instead, Julia and I found ourselves transported to the year 1995."
"(Liz) 1995!?"
"(Quentin) Barnabas..."
"(Barnabas) It's true! Every word of it!"
"(Julia) Not that we've told you very many words yet."
"(Barnabas) When we got there, we found the family destroyed, and the house in ruins."
"(Quentin) And I suppose that's my fault, too."
"(Barnabas) As a matter of fact, you told us yourself that it was, Mr. I've-Got-a-Magic-Portrait-That-Keeps-Me-Young! Whoops! Now I've blurted out YOUR secret! We're even!"

"(Liz) I think I've heard enough stories for one night. If I don't get my 8 hours, I won't be any good tomorrow at... whatever it is I do, exactly."
"(Barnabas) You must listen because unless something is done very soon, there's going to be a disaster right here at Collinwood!"
"(Liz) A catastrophe? What are you talking about?"
"(Julia) Not a catastrophe, a disaster. Let's not blow things out of proportion."

"(Barnabas) The Parallel Time Room sent us back here. At least we thought it was here."
"(Julia) It was here."
"(Barnabas) Okay, but it wasn't now. When we left Angelique's Room, we found the house in ruins. The ceiling beams had collapsed, and the floor was covered with leaves. That's why we've got to act."
"(Liz) Of course we will. And it's a good thing you warned me. Quentin, see to it that my homeowner's insurance is renewed at once."


"(Julia) You don't understand. We went to the cemetery, and found Mrs. Johnson putting flowers on David's grave."
"(Liz) David's grave??"
"(Barnabas) Yes, and according to the tombstone, David had died in 1970!"
"(Liz) Are you sure!?"
"(Julia) Well, we didn't dig him up to check, no!"
"(Barnabas) But we saw his ghost. That must prove something."
"(Liz) You must have imagined this!"
"(Barnabas) Elizabeth. You must listen. We have to act to prevent it all from happening!"
"(Quentin) All right, what do you want us to do?"
"(Barnabas) Ah. That's the part we haven't figured out yet."
"(Liz) Barnabas, if we don't know what we're doing, how will we know when we're done??"
"(Barnabas) D'oh!"

"(Quentin) Barnabas, try to give us some kind of clue about what you think we're facing."
"(Barnabas) We know the result, we don't know the cause. Julia and I find everything and everyone changed in the future. They were all either unable or unwilling to tell us what had cause the catastrophe."
"(Julia) Disaster."
"(Barnabas) All right, Disaster."
"(Quentin) How many people did you see there that you knew?"
"(Barnabas) Let's see. You, Carolyn, Professor Stokes and Mrs. Johnson."
"(Julia) And David and Hallie."
"(Barnabas) They were dead, they don't count."
"(Quentin) And I couldn't tell you what had happened?"
"(Barnabas) You had been in a mental institution, Quentin."
"(Quentin) A mental institution??"
"(Julia) Let's just say you were a couple of French Fries short of a Happy Meal."

"(Barnabas) And Stokes said he'd been in Switzerland during the disaster."
"(Julia) The only person that seemed to know something was Carolyn."
"(Liz) And she wouldn't tell you?"
"(Julia) Er, well she was in a strange state mentally, and had blocked it out."
"(Barnabas) She was about six French Fries short."
"(Julia) She seemed to be starting to remember just before the end."
"(Liz) The End??"
"(Barnabas) Yes, Carolyn died of fright. Right here in this room!"
"(Liz) She died of what??? Where???"
"(Barnabas) Our story isn't going over very well."
"(Julia) We should have opened with a joke."

"(Liz) This all sounds so terrifying, there's got to be some way to rationalize it all away."
"(Quentin) Barnabas, look. When you and Julia made the transition from Parallel Time to Normal Time, is it possible you experienced some kind of hallucination?"
"(Barnabas) A group hallucination?"
"(Julia) A hallucination in which we both saw all the same things?"
"(Barnabas) Absolutely out of the question."
"(Julia) That makes about as much sense as The Rover Boys naming their dog "Spot"."
"(Quentin) D'oh!"


"(Barnabas) We could not have both imagined the same things. And besides, Carolyn wrote us a note with six clues about the events that led up to the disaster."
"(Liz) Ah ha! A note from Carolyn! That would constitute evidence. Do you have it with you?"
"(Barnabas) Julia? I gave it to you."
"(Julia) I gave it to Stokes to look at just before the seance."
"(Liz) So, you don't have it, then."
"(Julia) Well no, but we remember them."
"(Liz) But that's not evidence!"
"(Quentin) Could you maybe tell us a little more about what the future is like? You know, to add credence to your story?"
"(Barnabas) I suppose so. What is it you want to know?"
"(Quentin) Exactly what you'd expect from me? Cars and Women."
"(Barnabas) BOTH are faster."

"(Julia) Elizabeth, one of Carolyn's Clues mentioned a place called Rose Cottage. Have you ever heard of it?"
"(Liz) Rose Cottage? No, it doesn't ring a bell. What was the clue?"
"(Julia) That it would be destroyed."
"(Liz) I don't think there's any such place near here. At least not by that name. What were some of the other clues?"
"(Barnabas) Well, for instance, The Night of the Sun and the Moon."
"(Julia) We don't know what that one means, either."
"(Quentin) Well, isn't it obvious? Somebody's son is going to moon somebody."
"(Julia) D'oh!"

"(Quentin) Here's a thought. Do either of you know the date when the fire occurred?"
"(Barnabas) Dates seem to blend together around here for me. It was Episode 1060, if that helps."
"(Julia) I remember. I saw a Baywatch calendar in Inspector Hamilton's office. It was August 3rd."
"(Quentin) What's a Baywatch calendar?"
"(Julia) Well, from what I understood, it was some kind of television series about women running around the beach in skimpy bathing suits."
"(Quentin) I don't know about you guys, but I want to go to 1995 right now!"


"(Barnabas) What's so important about the date?"
"(Quentin) Oh, yes. Well, it just so happens that today is August 3rd."
"(Barnabas) That can't be!"
"(Quentin) But it is! You think that a week has passed when actually it's still the same night."
"(Barnabas) Well, I'm sorry, I still believe the experience we had was real. Even though, from what you're telling me it hardly seems possible."
"(Julia) Yeah. Because going back in time 25 years is one thing, but going back 25 years and 11 days is unheard of!"

(Meanwhile outside, Hallie is already starting to fit in around here)
"(Hallie) When are they going to wrap up all this boring stuff and start talking about the beautiful blonde Devil Tot that's living here now?"

(Later, Barnabas is poring through an old album)
"(Barnabas) So, THAT'S when The War of 1812 was!"

(Julia enters with two more)
"(Julia) I found these under the short sofa leg in the study."
"(Barnabas) Throw them on the pile."
"(Julia) You look like you'll be busy for a while. Would you like me to brew you a pot of hot coffee?"
"(Barnabas) No thanks, it keeps me up after dawn."

"(Barnabas) Julia, do you think it was wise of us to tell Elizabeth and Quentin about the future?"
"(Julia) They'll find out sooner or later, when it happens to them."
"(Barnabas) I know, but I thought maybe we could... you know, prevent it without telling them. How is Elizabeth taking it?"
"(Julia) Oh, she's still upset, I'm afraid."
"(Barnabas) Well, didn't the sedative help?"
"(Julia) How did you know I gave her a sedative?"
"(Barnabas) Ha, ha. Very good, Julia."
"(Julia) D'oh!"


"(Julia) Maybe Quentin was right, and we did imagine it."
"(Barnabas) Quentin being right would be more incredible than anything we saw."
"(Julia) Well, did you find anything in the books?"
"(Barnabas) Nothing useful yet."
"(Julia) How about the pages that the ghost tore out of the book in 1995?"
"(Barnabas) Ah, yes. Let me check those."
(flips pages)
"(Barnabas) Ah ha! Look! Here's one of them!"
"(Julia) Which one?"
"(Barnabas) Daphne! Her full name was Daphne Harridge."
"(Julia) Who was she?"
"(Barnabas) The Collins governess in 1840."
"(Julia) Is there a picture of her?"
"(Barnabas) Right here. (low whistle) And not a bad looker, either! You know, if Kate Jackson had been around when Betsy Durkin was cast, the Victoria Winters character might still be around!"

"(Barnabas) Her dates of birth and death aren't mentioned. Come on, let's go to the cemetery and see if we can find her."
"(Julia) You know, Barnabas. Now that we've found this information, maybe we should put it in your safe deposit box. You know, so it will be there for you to find in 1995."
"(Barnabas) It wouldn't help. I never looked there."
"(Julia) Okay, how about if we hire a special courier to deliver it to you on the very day you arrive in 1995."
"(Barnabas) Are you kidding?"
"(Julia) Now, trust me! While we were there, I saw this in a movie called Back to the Future II, and I know it works!"

(In Quentin's Room, Quentin puts "Shadows of the Night" on his Victrola, and instead hears "I Found a Million Dollar Baby in a Five and Ten Cent Store" playing backwards)
"(Quentin) Well, whaddya ya know! The record finally wore through to the other side!"

(Hearing a knock at the door, Quentin admits Hallie)
"(Quentin) Why, Hallie! Come in! Would you believe this is the first time I've ever had a single girl in my bedroom?"
"(Hallie) Get real, Uncle Quentin!"

"(Quentin) At the risk of sounding like a responsible adult, isn't it past your bedtime, Hallie?"
"(Hallie) I've got to talk to you first."
"(Quentin) Trouble?"
"(Hallie) Maybe. Do you know those strange feelings I get sometimes?"
"(Quentin) You mean random panic and hysteria?"
"(Hallie) Right. Well, I'm getting them now, only I don't think they're random."
"(Quentin) You never think they're random!"
"(Hallie) Well, you don't need to make it sound silly, Uncle Quentin."
"(Quentin) Hallie, last week you called 911 because your Mars bar only had one almond in it!"

"(Hallie) Well, this is bigger than that. I've just got to know about those two friends of yours who came to Collinwood today."
"(Quentin) Barnabas and Julia?"
"(Hallie) Are they good people?"
"(Quentin) They're friends of mine, aren't they?"
"(Hallie) That's why I asked."
"(Quentin) D'oh!"

"(Hallie) Come on, Uncle Quentin. Give me a straight answer for once."
"(Quentin) Well, if it will put your mind at ease, Barnabas and Julia are both very fine people."
"(Hallie) That's a relief."
"(Quentin) ...As long as you don't find out Barnabas' Secret, that is."
"(Hallie) D'oh!"

"(Quentin) Why are you asking me this? You've met them. Do you dislike them?"
"(Hallie) Well, when I first met them in the West Wing, I was frightened by them. They said strange things, and acted like they knew me, even though I didn't know them."
"(Quentin) What were you doing there in the first place?"
"(Hallie) I don't know. I was in my room, and I suddenly had the strangest feeling. Like some strange, unseen force wanted me to go to the West Wing."
"(Quentin) Oh, yeah, sure. Unseen force. And I suppose that the fact that it's the one place in the house where you can sneak a smoke didn't enter into it at all. I know you kids."

"(Quentin) Sometimes I don't understand you, Hallie. Most people who had just landed a gig on a big soap opera like this would be celebrating. You're still in Full Panic Mode."
"(Hallie) I'm sorry, but I..."
"(Quentin) Wait a minute. Did you say the West Wing? You found them in the West Wing??"
"(Hallie) Well, sure."
"(Quentin) The West Wing... You're not just flubbing your lines or anything?"

"(Hallie) What's so important about the West Wing, Uncle Quentin?"
"(Quentin) Um... Nothing! Nothing at all! Look, I hate to be rude, but I've got to run! Important errand!"
"(Hallie) You're going to go check out something I said, aren't you?"
"(Quentin) Of course not, I'm just... out of brandy! That's it. Got to run down to the corner. See you later! Bye!"
(Quentin rushes out)
"(Hallie) And people wonder why I'm a Nervous Nellie!"

(In Eagle Hill Cemetery)
"(Julia) This is it. Daphne Harridge, 1818-1841."
"(Barnabas) So, she was 23 years old. Does that sound like a natural death to you?"
"(Julia) Natural for Collinsport, or natural for any place else?"
"(Barnabas) For any place, of course. Look, there's an epitaph: "I don't understand"."
"(Julia) Yep. She was a Collins governess, all right."

"(Barnabas) It was a rhetorical question, Julia. Of course her death wasn't natural. If it was, her spirit would be at rest. Don't you know anything about ghosts, Julia?"
"(Julia) No, I'm a doctor, not a ghostbuster."
"(Barnabas) It's very simple. If a person dies naturally, their ghost is at rest."
"(Julia) Do they want to be at rest or not at rest? Being at rest sounds a little boring."
"(Barnabas) They want to be at rest because if they are, they go on to Heaven or something like that."
"(Julia) What do you mean "something like that"?"
"(Barnabas) Well, I'm not quite sure. Serious theology is a little beyond the scope of this show."

"(Barnabas) The important thing is that if they're murdered, their ghost is restless, and remains behind on earth."
"(Julia) You mean they're not allowed into Heaven because they were murdered? Talk about punishing the victim."
"(Barnabas) No, they want to stay behind, so that they can avenge their murder."
"(Julia) I still don't get it. How come people like Jason McGuire, Dr. Woodard, Madame Findley, and Donna Friedlander have never come back?"
"(Barnabas) Well, in the case of some people, a higher power prevents their return."
"(Julia) What are you talking about? God?"
"(Barnabas) No, their contracts. We only got Jeremiah Collins back by wrapping a bandage around his head."

"(Barnabas) If we can find out how Daphne died, we'll have made some progress. We could look up Gerard too, if only we knew his last name."
"(Julia) Offhand, I'd say it's Stiles."
"(Barnabas) How could you possibly know that?"
"(Julia) A Styrofoam headstone told me. Look."
"(Barnabas) 'Gerard Stiles! 1811-1841. In Darkness He Did Live and Die'. I wonder what that means?"
"(Julia) It sounds like he didn't pay his electric bill."

(Back in Quentin's Room)
"(Quentin) Come. Oh, hello Barnabas. What took you so long?"
"(Barnabas) What do you mean?"
"(Quentin) Well, didn't Mrs. Johnson tell you I wanted to see you?"
"(Barnabas) I haven't seen Mrs. Johnson since I got back. Is she still at Collinwood?"
"(Quentin) Of course she is. Look, I'll prove it. Ahem... Mrs. Johnson's cooking sucks!"
"(Mrs. Johnson's Voice) I heard that!!"


"(Barnabas) Well, I wanted to have a word with you in private."
"(Quentin) What about?"
"(Barnabas) Well, when I entered Parallel Time, the Police were interested in questioning me about Sky Rumson's death. Is that investigation still ongoing?"
"(Quentin) Oh no, they arrested one of the Cannery workers for murdering Rumson. They even executed him last week."
"(Barnabas) Well, all's well that ends well, then."

"(Quentin) Anything else?"
"(Barnabas) Yes, one thing that struck me particularly in 1995 was the absence of Angelique. It seems incredible that Collinwood could have been destroyed without her having a hand in it. Is she still around?"
"(Quentin) No, after you disappeared, she thought you were dead, and left town. Last I heard, she was doing television commercials for some broomstick manufacturer."
"(Barnabas) Seriously? You mean she accepted defeat just like that? She left town with the house still standing, and the family alive?"
"(Quentin) Yeah, well she was in her once-in-a-century good mood that day."


"(Quentin) I wanted to talk to you too. When you were telling us your story downstairs, you left out one very important detail."
"(Barnabas) I probably left out several. There was so much to tell. One thing about you."
"(Quentin) Yes?"
"(Barnabas) Well, you know how your portrait does your aging for you, keeping you the same age you are now? Well, when we found your portrait in 1995, we expected to find a skeleton. Instead, the Quentin in the portrait looked pretty much as he does today: An utter physical wreck, but not dead."
"(Quentin) Hey, hey! So that means that even without the portrait, I'd be alive at age 130! Clean living and plenty of exercise, that's the key."
"(Barnabas) But you don't do any of those things!"
"(Quentin) I know. I meant avoiding them is the key."


"(Barnabas) What was the part you meant I had left out?"
"(Quentin) When you first told us the story, I was convinced that you had imagined your experience in the future. Now I'm not sure."
"(Barnabas) What caused you to doubt it?"
"(Quentin) Well, the Parallel Time Room is in the East Wing. If you came back through there, then you should have appeared in the East Wing. But earlier tonight, Hallie told me she discovered you in the West Wing."
"(Barnabas) Well, that's really not much of a reason, Quentin. There could be another Parallel Time Warp in the West Wing. Or we could have walked there before meeting Hallie, for all you know."
"(Quentin) Hmmm..."
"(Barnabas) On second thought, never mind! As long as you agree with us, it doesn't matter if your reasons make any sense."

"(Barnabas) You didn't tell any of this to the girl, did you?"
"(Quentin) Of course not. She's a very sensitive child. She frightens easily."
"(Barnabas) You know, I'd noticed that within two seconds of meeting her."
"(Quentin) Her parents died about six months ago. She and Stokes came by for a visit, and Elizabeth invited her to stay here. We've become very fond of her."
"(Barnabas) Do she and Amy get along?"
"(Quentin) Oh, Amy's gone. She left about a week later. David's quite upset about it."
"(Barnabas) I can understand that. He and Amy were quite close."
"(Quentin) It's not just that. Between Amy and Hallie, he thought we were letting him have a harem."

"(Quentin) Now, come on. How did you get in the West Wing?"
"(Barnabas) I really don't know."
"(Quentin) You must have some idea."
"(Barnabas) Magic!"
"(Quentin) A little more specific."
"(Barnabas) Well, we were in the Playroom at the West Wing junction. Gerard locked us in, and..."
"(Quentin) What Playroom?? There's no Playroom at that junction! There never has been."
"(Barnabas) We were locked in there, and Hallie's Ghost helped us escape!"
"(Quentin) Her ghost!?"
"(Barnabas) Apparently, Hallie is dead in 1995."
"(Quentin) Yeah, I figured that part out!"

"(Barnabas) I never knew about it either, Quentin, but Julia and I were locked in there, and Hallie's ghost created a new doorway that we walked through. We walked through it, found ourselves on a strange staircase, and came out through the door that had been the one we entered the Playroom by. It was very Escher-esque. Come on, and I'll show it to you right now."
"(Quentin) As crazi as it sounds, I'd almost believe it. Except that there's not a Playroom there. The only doorway leads to a linen closet. I should know, I've snuck a few heavy dates there behind Elizabeth's back from time to time."
"(Barnabas) (acerbically) I thought you said there was no Playroom there?"
"(Quentin) I meant no Children's Playroom!"


"(Julia) Hallie?"
"(Hallie) Yaaaaah!!"
"(Julia) Calm down, it's only me! Your sister in green!"
"(Hallie) Oh, Dr. Hoffman! I'm sorry."
"(Julia) You know, it's strange that someone as nervous as you would be sent to live in a haunted house."
"(Hallie) Uncle Eliot explained that that which does not kill us only makes us stronger."
"(Julia) Has it worked?"
"(Hallie) Not as yet."

"(Julia) Have you noticed anything strange during your stay here?"
"(Hallie) What do you mean?"
"(Julia) Oh, you know. Spooky. Unusual. Out of the ordinary."
"(Hallie) Well, this is a haunted house. Everything seems a little odd."
"(Julia) Have you ever heard of a place called Rose Cottage?"
"(Hallie) Rose Cottage? It doesn't ring a bell. I've heard of Rose Cottage Cheese. Is that it?"
"(Julia) I seriously doubt it. Oh well, if you hear of a Rose Cottage, or anything mysterious going on around here, let me know, and I'll hypnot... Er, I mean try to help you with it."

(In the West Wing)
"(Barnabas) There. That's the door to the Playroom."
"(Quentin) Bet you a nickel it isn't."
"(Barnabas) You're on. This is definitely the door Julia and I came out of."
"(Quentin) And none of those 1995 nickels either! I want American money!"
"(Barnabas) D'oh!"

(Quentin opens the door to reveal a linen closet behind)
"(Quentin) What did I tell you?"
"(Barnabas) But I don't understand!! I'd swear this was the door!"
"(Quentin) Are you ready yet to... throw in the towel?"

"(Barnabas) Maybe it's not built yet. Or has already been destroyed."
"(Quentin) Barnabas, there's never been a Playroom there, and there couldn't ever be one because behind that closet wall is the outside of the house. Now, who ever heard of a room that's there one minute and not the next?"
"(Barnabas) Gee, I don't know! Maybe anybody who's ever heard of Parallel Time!?"
"(Quentin) Sheesh, now I know why people don't wander aimlessly around this house. Who wants to make a trip to the can and end up in 1772?"

(Quentin walks off, leaving Barnabas pondering)
"(Barnabas) I just don't know. Maybe I HAVE been sucking Timmy Leary's blood."


"(Bob Lloyd) Somewhere in Time and space, the Playroom still exists!"
"(Dan Curtis) Not exactly our hardest-hitting cliffhanger..."
(fade to black)

"(Joan) It's good to have top billing again. Anybody miss me while I was dead?"


"(Ken McEwen) Have they recast the Hallie role?"
"(Dan Curtis) What do you mean?"
"(Ken McEwen) Back in 1066, it said she was played by Cathy Cody."
"(Dan Curtis) D'oh!"

"(Bob Lloyd) Pictured is Mr. Cobert's Ear Trumpet (Actual Size)."

"(Ken McEwen) That one always cracks me up!"


          Episode 1071:   Barnabas and Julia learn Daphne Harridge was an 1840 Collinwood governess. They find hers and Gerard's graves.