Maggie Finds Hallie as Hard to understand as David Is!
"I didn't find any strange ghost dress in my room!!!"

Maggie starts to Get Ideas about Barnabas' Time Travelling!
"Hmmm, maybe I could work in 1995, and live here. With inflation, I could double my earning power."

Liz Visits a Psychic!
"Where's your crystal ball?"
"Mrs. Stoddard, what do you take me for, anyway? Some sort of dime store gypsy fortune-teller?"
"I was really looking forward to seeing a real one. I was going to pay you $2000."
"I'll get the crystal ball."

Today on Dark Shadows...

Liz's New Psychic Seems a Bit on the Sinister Side!
"(Liz) I often employ people who seem bizarre or threatening at our first meeting. Mrs. Johnson gave me the creeps her whole first year."

Liz's Psychic Also Seems a Bit on the Flamboyant Side!
"You know, your pearls would go great with my outfit."

Hallie Gets Maggie's Old Job!
"Wait a minute, that one really is Jan Brady."

Episode 1073

Starring Kathy Cody, Kathryn Leigh Scott, Joan Bennett, David Henesy, Christopher Pennock
Original Script By Sam Hall
Directed By Lela Swift
Caption Version by Graeme Cree

Read left to right, top to bottom

"My name is Maggie Evans. Barnabas and Julia Hoffman have returned to their own time from their terrifying trip to 1995. They have brought back with them the knowledge that before 1970 ends, the family will be wiped out in some kind of catastrophe. We've been afraid of this ever since Episode 1, but somehow having a timetable for it at last is oddly comforting."

"(Bob Lloyd) Meanwhile, back in Parallel Time, Collinwood is still burning."


"(Maggie) The only sign to the catastrophe is a girl who, in 1995 was a ghost, and who will soon be one again."
"(Hallie) Strange. I still feel like I'm being watched."

(Hallie finds the orange dress from David's dream laid out on her bed)
"(Hallie) I've only just joined this show, and they've already got me doing bedroom scenes!"

(Hallie gets a strange look on her face as she picks up the dress)
"(Hallie) (to herself) What is this doing here? Who left it here? It's mine! That's it... Wait a minute, why did I think that? This isn't mine. How could it be? Look how old fashioned it is. You couldn't see my knees in this thing. It must go back to... oh, 1963 at least."

(Hallie puts the dress down, and shivers)
"(Hallie) Why is it suddenly so cold in here? It's almost like there's a ghost in the room!"
"(Hallie) Or maybe because I left the window open."
(shuts it)


(As Maggie knocks on the door, Hallie covers the dress with her blanket)
"(Hallie) Come in."
"(Maggie) Anything wrong, Hallie?"
"(Hallie) Why no. Why?"
"(Maggie) I thought I heard you out in the hall saying that it was cold."
"(Hallie) Oh. Well, that was because I was cold."
"(Maggie) I knew there'd be a logical explanation."

"(Maggie) Were you talking to anyone?"
"(Hallie) No, just myself. I guess it's a bad habit I'm getting into."
"(Maggie) Another bad habit you're getting into is staying up after bedtime. Want me to turn your bed down?"
"(Hallie) No!! Er, I mean I have to brush my hair first, don't I? Hair like mine needs a lot of care."
"(Maggie) You know, I was a blonde when the series began."
"(Hallie) What happened? Did you get tired of it?"
"(Maggie) No, Max Factor repossessed it in our first round of budget cuts."

(Hallie starts brushing her hair)
"(Hallie) One, Two, Three, Four, Five..."
"(Maggie) I had enough trouble getting David to bed. I hope I'm not going to have trouble with you too."
"(Hallie) ...Two, Three, Four..."
"(Maggie) You know perfectly well you're supposed to be in bed by 10."
"(Hallie) ...Ten, Eleven, Twelve..."
"(Maggie) There's a clock on your bedside. You know what it's for."
"(Hallie) ...Four, Five... Wait a minute. Where was I?"
"(Maggie) How many strokes are you supposed to do?"
"(Hallie) A Hundred."
"(Maggie) You were at 99."
"(Hallie) ...99, 100... But something is fishy around here!"


"(Maggie) Hallie, do you like staying here?"
"(Hallie) Oh sure, I loved it."
"(Maggie) Loved?"
"(Hallie) I mean love! Sorry, I've just been very (past) tense lately."


"(Hallie) This is a great house. Honest."
"(Maggie) Yes, in fact they often call it The Great House of Collinwood in those intros."
"(Hallie) Uncle Eliot's place was nice, but Carolyn's closet is bigger. There are all sorts of places to explore here."
"(Maggie) What about where you lived before that?"
"(Hallie) You mean before the accident? We lived in a brownstone in The Bronx. I used to pretend the silliest things when I lived there."
"(Maggie) Like what?"
"(Hallie) Like that the garbage strike would be over any day. This was the Bronx, you know."

"(Maggie) Is that really where your head was when you were little? In garbage?"
"(Hallie) Well, I did have this fantasy, but... Oh, you'd think it was silly."
"(Maggie) Probably, but let's hear it."
"(Hallie) I used to like to pretend I was 21 and looking for an apartment. I'd pretend I was That Girl."
"(Maggie) Which girl?"
"(Hallie) You know, That Girl! And Don Hollinger was my boyfriend."
"(Maggie) Oh, THAT That Girl."
"(Hallie) And I was struggling to make it as an actress, and I lived in this enormously cavernous apartment in Manhattan even though I was chronically underemployed and had no other visible means of support."
"(Maggie) You know, we're a lot alike, Hallie. When I was your age, I used to imagine I was My Little Margie."
"(Hallie) My Little Margie? What's that? One of those shows from The Olden Days?"
"(Maggie) (sarcastically) Yeah, I stopped watching when all they could do any more was Viking Invasion stories!"


"(Hallie) I had another fantasy."
"(Maggie) I hope it's better for my ego than the last one."
"(Hallie) I used to go up in the attic alone...."
"(Maggie) Should I be hearing this?"
"(Hallie) It's an Interior Decorating fantasy."
"(Maggie) Oh, well that's all right."
"(Hallie) I would pretend that I was older and looking for an apartment, and all I could afford was this attic. So I'd sit around imagining how I'd fix it up if it were mine. Isn't that silly?"
"(Maggie) I'll say. It's Greg Brady who got to live in the attic, not Jan."
"(Hallie) D'oh!"

"(Hallie) Well, someone else lives in that house now. Maybe they live in the attic."
"(Maggie) All right, we can talk about this more tomorrow. You've got me contributing to the delinquency of a minor now, by helping you stay awake."
"(Hallie) Don't you want to hear about how I used to throw my stocking cap in the air and pretend I was Mary Tyler Moore? I got the oddest looks when we went to Florida on vacation."
"(Maggie) You know, I think you're going to work out fine at Collinwood, Hallie. You haven't got many marbles left to lose."

Programming Note: Here we see Hallie's first mistake of the story. By not enlisting the aid of Maggie, who has a long history of waking up in strange, old-fashioned dresses herself, everything from Josette's gown to Nicholas Blair's wedding dress, to Rachel Drummond's cocktail frock, Hallie has deprived herself of the benefits of Maggie's vast expertise on the subject.


"(Hallie) Why didn't I tell Maggie about the dress? Someone who's lived here as long as she have might have had some insights on the subject. * (Hallie gets a strange, glassy-eyed stare)
"(Hallie) What am I talking about? There was nothing to tell Maggie. This is My Dress. After all, Possession is 9/10 of the law." **
* Someone's been reading the Programming Notes.
** In more ways than one.

"(Liz) I'm at the end of my rope. Barnabas is really concerned. But the whole idea is so absurd. That a disaster could happen that would drive the whole family away from here."
"(Maggie) At the risk of a silly question, why is it absurd?"
"(Liz) Because I don't LIKE it! I may be in denial, but I'm not in denial about being in denial."

"(Maggie) This is all so difficult for me to understand."
"(Liz) Well, I hope so. If it's baffling to me, I don't want the governess figuring it out."
"(Maggie) So, let me get this straight. Barnabas claims he visited the year 1995, and found the house in ruins?"
"(Liz) That's right."
"(Maggie) Did he say exactly what caused the disaster?"
"(Liz) No, he wasn't able to find out."
"(Maggie) Darnit. I had a $25 bet that the place would eventually be destroyed by zombies. I could sure use the money now."

"(Liz) At the risk of sounding like Vicki Winters, I don't understand any of this. For me, Time has always been the day I'm living right now. And now to find out that there are different times, and that a past and future do exist somewhere."
"(Maggie) Well, is it really that big a surprise? I mean after all, Yesterday was "The Time We're Living Right Now" yesterday. And "The Time We're Living Right Now" was the Future Yesterday. So aren't all times The Time We're Living Right Now some time?"
"(Liz) (sarcastically) You make it sound so simple! But I guess we have to accept it, don't we?"
"(Maggie) Unless Barnabas was simply pulling our leg?"
"(Liz) Maggie, what's more likely? That Barnabas and Julia travelled in Time, or that Barnabas has developed a sense of humor?"
"(Maggie) My goodness, it is true!"

"(Maggie) What did Barnabas say I was doing in 1995?"
"(Liz) He didn't. But most likely, with Collinwood destroyed, you went back to waitressing at the Coffee Shoppe."
"(Maggie) What a bummer! That's the most depressing thought I've had all year."
"(Liz) Well, it might not be that. It could be that you were killed in the disaster."
"(Maggie) You're just saying that to cheer me up!"

"(Liz) I wonder what kind of catastrophe could happen this year? What could drive us from this house?"
"(Maggie) You sound as if you believe it."
"(Liz) I don't want to. It's just that everything has been going so well. Of course we were all concerned about Julia and Barnabas, but now they've come back. Roger even commented before he went to Europe about how well things were going here."
"(Maggie) Well, things got a lot better right after he left."
"(Liz) I'm glad I wasn't the first one to say it."

"(Maggie) Did Barnabas look well?"
"(Liz) What? Haven't you seen him yet?"
"(Maggie) Not yet. Am I supposed to be involved with him in this story?"
"(Liz) I don't really know. I just assumed you were from that scarf around your neck."
"(Maggie) People DO sometimes wear them as a fashion statement, you know!"

"(Maggie) Well, I'd better get some shuteye if I'm going to take David and Hallie horseback riding tomorrow. I can tell you're still worried, though."
"(Liz) Yes. I guess there's just no telling what tomorrow will bring, is there?"
"(Maggie) No. Not even the computers can figure that out yet."
"(Liz) Actually, Barnabas said they could."
"(Maggie) What? Computers?"
"(Liz) Yes, he said that in 1995, people will spend a lot of time sitting in front of them, playing Solitaire and Minesweeper."
"(Maggie) What does that mean?"
"(Liz) No idea."


(After Maggie leaves, Liz takes a card out of her purse, labeled "Sebastian Shaw, Astrologer", goes to the phone and dials) *
* Cue that Ghostbusters theme music.

"(Sebastian) Hello?"
"(Liz) Mr. Shaw?"
"(Sebastian) Speaking."
"(Liz) This is Elizabeth Collins Stoddard."
"(Sebastian) Elizabeth Collins Stoddard?"
"(Liz) The one who owns this town."
"(Sebastian) Oh, yes of course."
"(Liz) I'd like to have my horoscope drawn up, and money is no object."
"(Sebastian) It is to me, lady... Er, I mean how soon?"

"(Liz) I know it's terribly late to be calling, but this is kind of an emergency."
"(Sebastian) An emergency horoscope?"
"(Liz) I wonder if you might be able to see me some time tomorrow?"
"(Sebastian) Hmm, let me think. Tomorrow is awfully booked up for me."
"(Liz) Oh, dear, how unfortunate. Do you know any other good astrologers in town?"
"(Sebastian) How about three o'clock?"

(On the other end of the phone, Mr. Shaw hangs up with a Cheshire Cat grin)
"(Sebastian) She's coming! At last the Great Lady is coming here!"
(Mr. Shaw can be seen to be the spitting image of Jeb Hawkes) *
"(Sebastian) Hock-PTUIE!"
* The Late Jeb Hawkes the last we heard, but if you want to suspect that this really is Jeb come back from the dead, we won't discourage you.


(In her room, Hallie examines the strange dress)
"(Hallie) There are some kind of stains on this dress. Jam... Strawberry Tart... Clotted cream? Nobody eats clotted cream any more! Gasp! This dress must be from the past!"

(Hallie stashes the dress as David barges in)
"(Hallie) Don't you ever knock?? What if I'd been indecent?"
"(David) Oh. Well, in that case, I would have taken pictures of you with this spy camera I got in the mail, and posted them in the family newsletter."
"(Hallie) Why do I ask???"

"(David) I've been trying to get hold of you all day. I had a dream last night."
"(Hallie) Big deal."
"(David) About you."
"(Hallie) (haughtily) Lots of boys have dreams about me!"
"(David) This was a wet dream."
"(Hallie) A wet dream?"
"(David) Yeah, my window was open during that big rain and I got soaked."
"(Hallie) Oh. You know, how is it that our conversations are always G-rated, but they sound like they're not?"


"(David) In this dream you were wearing a funny dress. It went all the way down to your ankles."
"(Hallie) I don't know how flattering that is. You dream about me and I'm overdressed?"
"(David) It was a real old-fashioned dress too. Had little pantaloons with it."
"(Hallie) What color was it?"
"(David) Orange with white trim. And puffy sleeves."
"(Hallie) I thought this was your doing! You put it there!"
"(David) I put what where?"
"(Hallie) You know perfectly well what I'm talking about... Unless you don't, in which case I'm certainly not going to tell you!"
(David bangs his head against the wall)

"(Hallie) If you put it there, you know perfectly well what I'm talking about, and you'd better confess pronto!"
"(David) I don't know what you're talking about. I just came to tell you about my dream!"
"(Hallie) Honest?"
"(David) Cross my Heart and hope to... take ballet lessons!"
"(Hallie) Okay, I guess you wouldn't kid about a thing like that."

"(David) Anyway, what was I supposed to have put where?"
"(Hallie) Nothing. If you don't know, I don't want you to know."
"(David) I was lying. I did leave it there."
"(Hallie) Too late, David! Too late!"

"(David) Boy, the only time you can't get in trouble around here is when you're trying to."
"(Hallie) Oh David, you'll never understand women!"
"(David) Of course I understand women. When you say you're not mad, you are. And when you ask me if I want to do something, it means we're going to, but you're offering to let me pretend it was my idea. Right?"
"(Hallie) If you repeat that to anyone, I'll slug you!"

(Meanwhile, at the least psychedelic hippie pad in the entire world...)

(the doorbell buzzes)
"(Bob Lloyd) Sebastian emerges from The Little Psychic's Room, but takes his own sweet time getting to the door, so as not to seem too anxious)
"(Sebastian) Yeah, that. And also the fact that it's hard to walk in this tablecloth I'm wearing!"

(Sebastian answers to Liz)
"(Sebastian) No peddlers."
"(Liz) I'm not a peddler, I'm your 3 o'clock."
"(Sebastian) Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Come in, Mrs. Stoddard."
"(Liz) According to the signs, I can't stay too long."
"(Sebastian) Oh, you live your life by the signs too? What did yours say?"
"(Liz) One Hour Parking."

"(Sebastian) You're looking at me strangely. Is there anything wrong?"
"(Liz) No, you just look a lot like someone I once knew. The first time I saw you I thought I was imagining it, but you really do."
"(Sebastian) You know, I read somewhere that there are only 12 different types of faces in the whole show... World! And yet we're constantly amazed at people who look alike."
"(Liz) Are you sure? I'm pretty sure I've seen more than 12 faces in my life."
"(Sebastian) Well, only 12 at any one time!"
"(Liz) Oh, that must explain it."


"(Liz) Have you lived in Collinsport long, Mr. Shaw?"
"(Sebastian) A year or so. Why?"
"(Liz) I can understand you looking like my ex son-in-law, I just can't understand why I never met you before."
"(Sebastian) Well, perhaps you did and didn't recognize me. I lost a lot of weight recently by eating only Subway sandwiches."
"(Liz) Oh, were you overweight until recently?"
"(Sebastian) Believe me, I was the largest Medium you ever saw."
"(Liz) You couldn't have been that bad."
"(Sebastian) Believe me, I was. I started dieting because I got tired of being called a Four Chin Teller."

"(Sebastian) I was about to have some tea, Mrs. Stoddard. Would you care to join me?"
"(Liz) Well, perhaps... Now, wait a minute. Is this "Tea" Tea, or one of those funny hippie teas?"
"(Sebastian) It's just perfectly ordinary Darjeeling tea. No additives. Would you like a brownie to go with it?"
"(Liz) Nooooo!"


"(Sebastian) Perhaps we should get down to business."
"(Liz) Where's your crystal ball? I expected to see a crystal ball."
"(Sebastian) Mrs. Stoddard, I'm not going to be able to help you if you regard me as some kind of cheap gypsy fortune teller."
"(Liz) I apologize."
"(Sebastian) I'll have you know that my greatest fear is of losing my gifts. And I'm sure that would happen if I took advantage of someone who came to me for help."
"(Liz) Gifts? You mean your psychic powers?"
"(Sebastian) No, my freedom. If I get busted once more, I'm thinking of having my name legally changed to #164372."


"(Sebastian) Perhaps if you told me why you're so afraid of what is going to happen."
"(Liz) Happen when?"
"(Sebastian) This year."
"(Liz) What do you know?"
"(Sebastian) Tell me why you're afraid, Mrs. Stoddard."
"(Liz) You're a Psychic. You tell me."
"(Sebastian) I'm not a Psychic, Mrs. Stoddard, I'm an Astrologer."
"(Liz) What's the difference?"
"(Sebastian) An Astrologer comes first in the Yellow Pages."


"(Liz) If you're not a Psychic, how did you know I was afraid?"
"(Sebastian) Animals sense fear. Why can't humans do the same?"
"(Liz) Birds fly, but that doesn't mean people do it too."
"(Sebastian) Well, there's also the fact that you called me late last night for an Emergency Horoscope. A person doesn't do that to find out whether or not they should avoid making decisions tomorrow."
"(Liz) Have you ever gotten an Emergency Horoscope order before?"
"(Sebastian) Only once. Steve Irwin's horoscope said to avoid the water... Pity I didn't get it to him in time."


"(Liz) So, what really is the difference between an Astrologer and a Psychic."
"(Sebastian) I can't read your minds or foretell the future. All I know is what the stars tell me. But they tell me quite a lot. You see, Astrology began when man wondered how the planets and stars affected his everyday existence."
"(Liz) I see."
"(Sebastian) (to himself) And when they couldn't figure it out, they just made up any old thing."

"(Sebastian) You were born in March. Weren't you?"
"(Liz) No, February. February 28."
"(Sebastian) Are you sure? I need you to be born in March because I need you to be Pisces for this dialogue to work."
"(Liz) Well, February 28 is Pisces too, isn't it?"
"(Sebastian) Oh... I guess it is. Sorry, forgot about Daylight Savings Time. What year were you born?"
"(Liz) 1931."
"(Sebastian) 1931!?"
"(Liz) Jack Benny isn't the only one who can stay 39, bub."

"(Liz) What made you think I was a Pisces?"
"(Sebastian) It's the sign of duality. Two fish swimming in opposite directions. You have a duality about being here."
"(Liz) You mean anyone who's unsure about whether or not to come see you is a Pisces?"
"(Sebastian) Pretty much, yeah."
"(Liz) You still haven't really told me the difference between an Astrologer and a Psychic."
"(Sebastian) Very simple. As an Astrologer, if my predictions don't come true, it's the stars' fault, not mine."

"(Sebastian) Do you have any particular reason for wanting to know the future, or is it just random curiosity?"
"(Liz) Particular, I'm afraid. I believe my house and family may be destroyed before the year is out."
"(Sebastian) I see. And you want me to tell you that it's not going to happen?"
"(Liz) Well, yes."
"(Sebastian) Okay... It's not going to happen."
"(Liz) Actually, I was hoping for a little more Mumbo-Jumbo than that."

"(Sebastian) I take it then that you wish to engage me to draw up your horoscope."
"(Liz) Yes. I must know what the rest of the year brings. "(Sebastian) There are several different types I can do. I can draw up a general Horoscope, which will give you an idea of times that will be disadvantageous to you. Or, for just a few measly dollars more, I can draw up a complete every day chart."
"(Liz) Yes. Yes, I think I'd like the every day chart. No point pinching pennies when my life is at stake."
"(Sebastian) Well, absolutely. Between you and me, the General Horoscope is for complete rubes."
"(Liz) Well, I'd like a Half Rube Horoscope, please.... And just out of curiosity, what's the least expensive horoscope you do?"
"(Sebastian) Oh, well that one's free."
"(Liz) Free?"
"(Sebastian) (Picking up a newspaper) Let's see. Business prospects are looking up, you'll meet a tall dark stranger, and don't take any advice today."

"(Sebastian) It would be an Honor to do one for you, Mrs. Stoddard. And if the stars can help you in any way, I am at your service."
"(Liz) Well, I thank you, and I thank the stars. Especially my Lucky ones."
"(Sebastian) Here's a book on Astrology that may help you to understand how it works."
"(Liz) (reading) You Were Born Under a Rotten Sign."

"(Sebastian) Now, first I'm going to need the exact time of your birth."
"(Liz) I'm not sure I know that."
"(Sebastian) It's necessary information for the Half Rube Horoscope, I'm afraid. I mean a person born at 6 a.m. is going to have a different future than one born at 6 p.m."
"(Liz) It's just that I'm not quite sure when I was born... I was awfully young at the time, you know."

"(Sebastian) Well, I could make a guesstimation if you know approximately what time of the day it was."
"(Liz) No, I want this to be the most precise bunkum possible. Wait a minute, Carolyn found a letter from my mother to my father Jamison recently. He was in New Amsterdam when I was born."
"(Sebastian) It's New York again. This isn't Parallel Time."
"(Liz) And I think it mentioned my time of birth."
"(Sebastian) Well, good. Just call me when you have it, and we'll be ready to get started."
"(Liz) All right."
"(Sebastian) Forgive me for asking, but why was your father in New York at such an important time as your birth?"
"(Liz) Well, do I have to answer that?"
"(Sebastian) You don't HAVE to, but I was just curious. Is it a secret?"
"(Liz) No, but if I told you he was working on a War Bond Drive, it would seriously undermine my claim to have been born in 1931."

"(Sebastian) Well, just give me a call when you have the time, and I'll get to work."
"(Liz) I almost hesitate to ask this, but how much do you charge for this service?"
"(Sebastian) Whatever you wish to give."
"(Liz) I wish you'd set a figure."
"(Sebastian) It's against my principles to "charge" people, Mrs. Stoddard..."
"(Liz) Really, Mr. Shaw, I..."
"(Sebastian) (hands her a piece of paper) However, I've read your mind and determined that this is how much you wish to give."

(In the gazebo, David and Hallie are studying)
"(David) Psst, Hallie! What's 3+2?"
"(Hallie) 32."
"(David) Thanks."

"(Hallie) David, tell me about your dream again?"
"(David) You didn't want to hear it before."
"(Hallie) I do now. What did I do in this dress?"
"(David) You smiled a lot, and danced around like an idiot."
(Hallie jumps up and looks around)
"(Hallie) David! I think there's someone watching us."
"(David) No, there's not."
"(Hallie) How can you be sure??"
"(David) Cause we're not doing anything worth watching. Wait until I'm in High School and have my own car and back seat!"


"(Hallie) Don't you feel it, David?"
"(David) Hallie, what's wrong with you? There's nobody else here."
"(Hallie) There is, David! Goombye, please!"
"(David) Where are you doing??"
"(Hallie) To hide in your bomb shelter! And don't you tell anyone about this!!"
"(David) About what??"
"(Hallie) Don't tell! Don't tell!"
(Hallie rushes off)
"(David) You can count on me."


(In the Drawing Room)
"(Maggie) After I left you last night, I couldn't sleep. I just got to thinking."
"(Liz) You couldn't imagine what possible catastrophe could destroy the family this year?"
"(Maggie) Actually, I could imagine several. That's why I couldn't sleep. But the thought occurred to me that with all the danger around here, that your governess might be slightly underpaid."
"(Liz) I just gave you a cost of living increase six months ago."
"(Maggie) Right, now I want a cost of dying increase."

(David is eavesdropping)
"(Maggie) Wasn't Barnabas able to tell you anything specific?"
"(Liz) No, only that it seemed to center around David."
"(Maggie) David destroyed the house and killed himself?"
"(Liz) Well, Barnabas also mentioned a ghost who looked a bit like Beethoven on one of his happier days."

(David enters casually)
"(David) What seems to center on David?"
"(Liz) Nothing, David."
"(Maggie) Nothing at all."
"(Liz) Besides, there are a lot of Davids in the world."
"(Maggie) What made you think we were talking about you?"
"(David) Because you mentioned something about the whole house being wiped out."
"(Maggie) You've got to admit that does point his way."
"(Liz) Oh, shut up."


"(David) Nobody tells me anything around here. Everybody treats me like I was still 9 years old like when the series began."
"(Liz) Well, that's no slight on you. I still treat your father like a child, too."
"(David) I get blamed for everything around here. Even things I didn't do."
"(Liz) Nobody's blaming you for anything, David."
"(David) I also don't like that everybody still calls me a Devil Tot. I'm not a Tot, I'm a teenager now!"
"(Liz) Well, that is a point. What's the next step up after Devil Tot?"
"(Maggie) Juvenile Delinquent, I think."


(Outside David's Room, he picks a note off the floor, in Hallie's handwriting, and reads it)
"(David) "Meet me at the gazebo at midnight". Hot Dog! She probably wants me to meet her for some heavy necking! Now, if I only knew what necking was. Man, I hate being 13. Too old for bubble gum, and too young to impress the chicks."


"(Bob Lloyd) But by the witching hour, it was too late. At the gazebo, the Medusa's glance had already turned Hallie to stone..."

"(Bob Lloyd) Oh!"

(David strolls up)
"Hallie? Hallie? Where are you? I'm not exactly sure what's supposed to go on at these midnight rendezvous', but I brought a copy of Cosmo! Maybe we can figure it out together!"


(As David starts to go, Hallie steps out of the bushes in that orange 19th century dress, and starts dancing a circle around him)
"(David) (flipping through his magazine) Cosmo didn't say anything about this!"

"(Liz) I don't understand how I could have visited a hippie's pad, commissioned a horoscope, and I'm still not Hep."


"(Dan Curtis) Jeb, Cyrus, Yaeger... Try to keep this character alive for a while, pennock."
"(Chris Pennock) Duh, okay Boss."

"(Bob Lloyd) Ms. Cody was paid for her work on this show in Buffalo Bills."

"(Ken McEwen) Ms. Tilles' Hair Salon suffered a mysterious bankruptcy soon after this credit first appeared."


          Episode 1073:   Fearing Barnabas' tales of 1995, Liz visits an astrologer, Sebastian Shaw, who makes a horoscope for her.