David and Hallie Eavesdrop!
"What's your Uncle Quentin saying in there?"
"Something about "I've never done this before, so please be gentle." Ha! That's rich."


Barnabas and Julia Check out the View Through the Parallel Time Door Now That Parallel Collinwood Has Been Destroyed!


Hallie Gets Into David's Magic Act!
"All right, the game's over! Untie me now!"

Today on Dark Shadows...


David Helps Hallie Punch Up Her Resume!
"I knew about Snowball Express, but were you really in all six Disney Witch Mountain movies!?"


The Collinsport Players Do The Young Andy Kaufman Adventures!


Quentin Models For the Sears Catalog!


Episode 1075

Starring Kathy Cody, Grayson Hall, Jonathan Frid, David Henesy, David Selby, Kate Jackson
Original Script By Joe Caldwell
Directed By Lela Swift
Caption Version by Graeme Cree

Read left to right, top to bottom


"My name is Quentin Collins. Last time on Dark Shadows, Hallie was scared out of her wits..."
"(Julia) You know, we could probably use that as the opening narration EVERY day."


"(Quentin) 1970 is a year that will see an unknown disaster destroy the Great House and Collins family unless Barnabas Collins and Julia Hoffman can learn how to prevent it."
"(Barnabas) Again, we could probably use that intro for every year."


"(Quentin) Unknown to everyone, including myself, David and Hallie have set out to search for the secret Playroom that Barnabas and Julia saw in 1995, and which I don't believe in."
"(David) Here it is. The portrait of Abner Collins. According to the note, the Playroom should be here."
"(Hallie) Is it my imagination, or do the eyes on that portrait follow you around?"
"(David) Now, don't start imagining things, Hallie."
"(Hallie) Okay."
"(David) There will be plenty of REAL dangers to be afraid of."
"(Hallie) Yipe!"


Blank:
-


(David opens the door to the linen closet)
"(Hallie) What's in there?"
"(David) A linen closet."
"(Hallie) Not a playroom?"
"(David) Not as such, no."
(David hears the Playroom sound coming from behind the closet wall)
"(David) Listen, do you hear that?"
"(Hallie) Ghost Music!!"
"(David) Who said it was Ghost Music??? Geez, everything with you is ghosts! A knock on the door is a Ghost Knock! You hear a squirrel in the attic, it's a Ghost Squirrel! A noise in the basement is a zombie!"
"(Hallie) That really was a zombie!"
"(David) Okay, but it was a lucky guess!"


(David and Hallie come out of the closet) *
"(Hallie) Zoinks! Look David, it's a g-g-ghost!"
"(David) Quiet, let me handle this. Ahem. Hello! I'm David. Where are you from?... (pause) Originally."
* Insert Punchline.


(the scene of Lilacs floods the room)
"(Hallie) Ghost Flowers! Lemme out of here!"
(dashes off)
"(David) I've got to apologize for her. She sometimes... Look! It's Halley's Comet!"
(David makes his getaway as Daphne turns to look)


Blank:
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"(Ken McEwen) Have we firmly fixed in the viewer's minds yet that Daphne is Kate Jackson, or do need a few more jokes to get the point across?"
"(Dan Curtis) I think they've got it by now."


Blank:
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(David and Hallie rendezvous in David's Room)
"(Hallie) You got away!"
"(David) From what?"
"(Hallie) Oh, don't pretend you didn't see her! From the ghost, of course!"
"(David) Oh, all right, I did."
"(Hallie) How did you get away?"
"(David) Oh, I used The Old Halley's Comet Trick."
"(Hallie) I didn't know I had a comet."
"(David) D'oh!"


"(David) Not Hallie's! Halley's!"
"(Hallie) David, that woman we saw was the same one who was down at the Gazebo. I know it!"
"(David) So what if it was? What's wrong with that?"
"(Hallie) Apart from the fact that she's a ghost? Doesn't that scare you?"
"(David) I've had ghost friends before. Amy and I even once helped a ghost drive everyone out of the house."
"(Hallie) What happened to the ghost?"
"(David) He's downstairs drinking brandy. He's my Uncle Quentin."
"(Hallie) Have I mentioned that your family is weird?"


Blank:
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"(Hallie) The important thing is to figure out who that Ghost Lady is and what she's doing here."
"(David) It's got something to do with a Playroom, that music, and the smell of lilacs."
"(Hallie) Oh, who cares about any of that?? The important thing is who is she? Is she a member of the Collins family?"
"(David) Well, what difference does that make? Are you afraid we've got squatters?"


"(David) There may be a way to find out. Maybe."
"(Hallie) A way that won't get us killed?"
"(David) If we're lucky."
"(Hallie) D'oh!"
"(David) I still have all those letters we found in the attic, written by Tad and Carrie. We've got to over then and look for clues."
(takes some out of his desk)
"(David) Here, you go through these."
"(Hallie) But what if it's dangerous?"
"(David) Who cares? We've got to solve this mystery, gang!"
(pause)
"(Hallie) Did I walk into a Scooby-doo episode by mistake today?"


(In the Drawing Room, Barnabas and Julia are going through old books)
"(Barnabas) You mean after all we've gone through, all we've found out is Tad and Carrie's Birth and Death Dates?"
"(Julia) Well, we also learned that they died at the same time: 1840. And that they were about the same age David and Hallie are now."
"(Barnabas) So in other words, their spirits could be ripe to inhabit David and Hallie's bodies and live again through them."
"(Julia) Barnabas, they were David and Hallie's age 130 years ago. Surely they're not kids any more."
"(Barnabas) Strangely enough, Julia, ghosts don't ever age or mature. They stay the same age they were when they died. Remember my sister Sarah, for example."
"(Julia) Oh, yes."
"(Barnabas) That's one of the advantages of dying young, you see. You get to stay that way."
"(Julia) Now they tell me."


Blank:
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"(Barnabas) There must be more here. Two children died, and at the same time. Those aren't natural deaths. Doesn't it merit some explanation?"
"(Julia) Barnabas, you've got to remember that the Collins history is not particularly famous for its accuracy."
"(Barnabas) What do you mean?"
"(Julia) Well, look at you. You became a vampire and were sealed in the mausoleum, and the family history claimed you'd gone to England."
"(Barnabas) Oh yes. Speaking of that, why did I go to England? Did the book say?"
"(Julia) You were a Tory Sympathizer. You went to London to serve as Benedict Arnold's gardener."
"(Barnabas) What!??"
"(Julia) Nobody gets my jokes any more."


(Quentin enters)
"(Quentin) Hidely-ho, neighbors."
"(Julia) I don't know if I can take a perky Quentin at this hour."
"(Quentin) What's going on?"
"(Barnabas) We're just poring over the family histories."
"(Quentin) What a coincidence, I came here to do some pouring, myself."
(heads for the brandy)


"(Quentin) I don't know whether to congratulate you for your tenacity, or call the wagon."
"(Julia) You could try helping us."
"(Quentin) No, it's got to be one of the aforementioned choices."
"(Barnabas) Let it go, Julia. he may be trolling us but at least he doesn't think we're stark raving mad."
"(Julia) After the way he was in 1995, wouldn't that be ironic?"
"(Quentin) In all seriousness, guys. Was I THAT crazy in 1995?"
"(Julia) Let's put it this way. Before we sent you back to The Daisy Hill Funny Farm, you sprinkled cheese in the garden to try to raise au gratin potatoes."


Blank:
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(Quentin looks out the Seaward Window)
"(Julia) Quentin, what are you looking at?"
"(Quentin) The moon. It's full tonight."
"(Julia) So what? You don't turn into The Hound of the Baskervilles under a full moon any more. Unless you're trying to tell us something."
"(Quentin) Huh? Oh no, I'm fine. The portrait is protecting me. I was just thinking of poor Chris and Amy and Sabrina. Chris will have changed into Wolfie under this moon. You know, I hated to see them all go away together, which is why nobody's seen them in this storyline."
"(Julia) Way to work that plot point into the conversation naturally, Quentin."


Blank:
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"(Julia) I can't help thinking what a great, steaming mound of guano this is. After all, Chris was introduced over 400 episodes ago, and now he's left town with his story unresolved."
"(Quentin) Well, at least wherever he is, tonight is kind of a partial Snow Day for Chris."
"(Barnabas) What do you mean?"
"(Quentin) Well, there's an eclipse of the moon tonight."
"(Barnabas) So?"
"(Quentin) Well, whenever I was Wolfie, and an eclipse blotted the moon from the sky, I would change back into a human."
"(Julia) BACK into a human??"
"(Quentin) D'oh!"


"(Julia) The moon is full, and the eclipse hasn't started. Poor Sabrina must have her hands full right about now. Not to mention the chambermaid of whatever Motel 6 they're staying at. Will she have to wait until the moon is completely gone before Wolfie changes back into Chris?"
"(Quentin) Oh no. As soon as ANY part of the moon is obscured, it's no longer a full moon, so Chris will become himself again."
"(Julia) That's interesting. I never knew that much about the mechanics of lycanthropy before. Pity it's useless to us now."
"(Quentin) Maybe not useless. You never know when another werewolf will come to town."
"(Julia) You're just trying to make me feel better."



Blank:
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"(Quentin) Well, I'm going up to the Tower Room to watch the eclipse soon. Care to join me?"
"(Barnabas) Oh, we'd like to join you, Quentin, but we're too buy studying up on Tad and Carrie right now."
"(Quentin) Who are they?"
"(Barnabas) The two children who lived here back in 1840."
"(Quentin) What's so important about them? Aren't all Devil Tots alike?"
"(Julia) That's what you said about aspirin."


"(Quentin) Surely you can take a little time out. How about when the big moment occurs, I come and get you to watch?"
"(Barnabas) The Big Moment. Somehow after you've lived through ghosts, time travel, and parallel universes, something that a 6th grade Science class would study doesn't seem as interesting any more."
"(Quentin) You know what you two are? You're jaded. You're unable to experience the simple pleasures of life any more. You can't make yourselves take time out to smell the flowers."
"(Barnabas) Quentin, anyone who spends as much time in cemeteries as Julia and I do has plenty of time to smell flowers!"


Blank:
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"(Quentin) Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going up."
"(Barnabas) Do you really like eclipses, Quentin?"
"(Quentin) Sure, they're pretty exciting."
"(Barnabas) Exciting?"
"(Quentin) Especially when you take a date with you. You and your date can look at the moon together. Then when it starts to get darker, she suddenly can't see what part of her body your hands are going for."
"(Julia) I've got an idea, Barnabas. You stay here, I'll go."


Blank:
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"(Quentin) I don't care what you two say. A Total Eclipse of the Moon is exciting. You know, the way the Earth gets between the SUN and the MOON, and blocks out the light."
"(Barnabas) I'll tell you what, Quentin. We'll take a rain check on this eclipse. But we'll watch the next one with you. As soon as Collinwood is out of danger."
"(Quentin) It won't be out of danger until after it's destroyed!"
"(Julia) He's got you there."


"(Barnabas) Julia!"
"(Julia) What? What?? Did you find something?"
"(Barnabas) Not in the books, in what Quentin just said!"
"(Julia) Quentin said something useful!?"
"(Barnabas) Tonight the moon goes dark! The earth goes between the sun and the moon! Remember Carolyn's first clue to the disaster? The Night of the Sun and the Moon? Well, that's tonight!"
"(Julia) And to think I accused Quentin of not being able to work plot points into the conversation naturally."


"(Julia) What kind of crazy clue is that, Barnabas?"
"(Barnabas) What do you mean? We know it's tonight."
"(Julia) Yes, but we don't know what's going to happen tonight."
"(Barnabas) Well, whatever it is, we've got to find it out and prevent it."
"(Julia) How do you prevent an eclipse?"
"(Barnabas) Would You Believe a rain dance?"


"(Julia) Barnabas, do you think we should tell David and Hallie about this?"
"(Barnabas) Tell them what? That they're going to die and come back to haunt Collinwood as ghosts? Elizabeth would have our hides in a sling if we said that."
"(Julia) Well, I think I should check on them at least, and make sure they're okay."
"(Barnabas) Good idea. If they're dead, we'll know something is wrong."


(Julia starts to leave as Barnabas watches)
"(Barnabas) Quentin didn't need to go to the Tower Room. There's a great view of the eclipse from here. Look, it's started."
"(Julia) Wherever he is now, Chris should be feeling like himself again."
"(Barnabas) I wonder how they're explaining it to Amy?"
"(Julia) I don't know, but if she ever gets out of therapy, Amy is going to have one heck of a tell-all to write about his place some day.


(Up in David's Room)
"(David) Here's a note you wrote."
"(Hallie) I did NOT write any note written in 1840, David!"
"(David) You know what I mean. It's got the handwriting that looks like yours."
"(Hallie) What does it say?"
"(David) When you hear the carousel play, please come into the room."
"(Hallie) We heard the carousel play and couldn't find the room."
"(David) There's a P.S. If you can't find it, what kind of doofus are you, anyway?"


Blank:
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"(Hallie) Maybe it was the wrong portrait. Are you sure that was Abner Collins?"
"(David) Reasonably sure. All dead relatives look alike to me."
"(Hallie) Here's one: Tomorrow the sun will shine on Rose Cottage."
"(David) When was it written?"
"(Hallie) 1840."
"(David) Too late, we've missed it."
"(Hallie) D'oh!"


"(Hallie) Where is Rose Cottage?"
"(David) Never heard of it. I'm interested in the Playroom now."
"(Hallie) How do we know the Playroom isn't IN Rose Cottage?"
"(David) When Uncle Quentin asked about it, he made it sound like it was in Collinwood."
"(Hallie) Are you going to go by a man who thinks brandy is one of The Four Food Groups?"


Blank:
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"(Hallie) This one says "Tonight I will tell you who is going to live in Rose Cottage"."
"(David) I'm telling you, I don't care about Rose Cottage right now. Just look for notes about the Playroom. Here's one in the handwriting that looks like mine."
"(Hallie) What does it say?"
"(David) "Don't ride on the Carousel too long. It can be dangerous." I wonder what that means?"
"(Hallie) I don't know. I guess that you could either throw up or get splinters."


"(Hallie) David. You said that you and Amy once went through something like this."
"(David) It wasn't all that much like this. We got possessed by two ghosts, a man and a woman... Come to think of it, I guess it was a lot like this."
"(Hallie) Was it scary?"
"(David) Oh, not that bad. If this experience is anything like that one, all that will happen is that we'll find a hidden room, be forced to wear a lot of old-fashioned clothes, and eventually help drive everyone else out of the house..."
"(Hallie) That doesn't sound so bad."
"(David) ...And then almost be killed by one of the ghosts."
"(Hallie) That doesn't sound so good."


([knock, knock, knock)
"(David) Cheese it!"
"(Hallie) Where??"
"(David) No, no, I don't mean the baked snack cracker made with 100% real cheese, I mean hide the letters!"
"(Hallie) You could have just said so!"


(Julia enters)
"(Julia) Well, what are you kids up to all alone?"
"(David) Oh, we're just studying."
"(Hallie) Yeah. Studying."
"(Julia) Studying what?"
"(David) Our lessons. We're behind in our school work."
"(Hallie) Yeah. Work."
"(Julia) That's fine, just so long as it's not Sex Education."


"(Julia) It seems strange to see you two cracking the books at this time of night."
"(Hallie) Well, Maggie gave us extra lessons because we've been so lazy all summer."
"(David) Yeah. Summer."
"(Julia) Well, how about taking a break and going sailing with me tomorrow?"
"(David) I dunno. I don't think Maggie will let us."
"(Hallie) Besides, I've heard about those Three Hours Tours."


"(Julia) If you like, I'll talk to Maggie."
"(David) Oh, that's no good. She'd say Yes to you, then take it out on us."
"(Hallie) We already took time off to celebrate you and Barnabas' return from Parallel Time."
"(David) Maggie sent us both this note today. See? It says we're to take no more time off until there's a lot of Impromptu... er, Improbable... Improvising..."
"(Julia) That's "Improvement". Yes, I can certainly see the need for it."


Blank:
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"(Julia) Well, I'm sorry to bother you. Is everything all right?"
"(David) Oh sure, everything's peachy keen."
"(Hallie) Yeah. Keen."
"(Julia) No sign of strange goings-on?"
"(David) No more than usual."
"(Julia) Can I at least talk you into taking a break to come watch the eclipse with us?"
"(Hallie) We'd like to, but if you've seen one, you've seen 'em all."
"(David) Besides, if we want to see a full moon, we can watch Cousin Quentin drop his pants."


"(Julia) An eclipse is scientific. Maggie might go for that."
"(Hallie) Yeah, but it's so boring just watching a shadow cross the moon."
"(David) And it takes so long."
"(Hallie) And there's nothing to do while we're up there waiting."
"(David) Actually there is, but the grownups won't let us do it yet."


Blank:
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"(Julia) How about if I come and get you once the eclipse is complete? Then you won't have to sit through the boring stuff."
"(Hallie) Um, that would be after midnight, and we're supposed to be asleep."
"(David) Yeah. Asleep."
"(Julia) I don't know. You kids aren't usually this conscientious. David, aren't you the kid that Pink Floyd said was the inspiration for We Don't Need No Education?"
"(Hallie) Oh, that's my doing, Miss Hoffman! I'm such a good student that ever since I arrived, my good study habits are starting to cancel out David's bad ones."
"(David) (under his breath) Thanks a lot!"


Blank:
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(Downstairs)
"(Barnabas) And so, you see, Quentin, Carolyn's first clue to the disaster was 'The Night of the Sun and the Moon'."
"(Quentin) So?"
"(Barnabas) Well, that's obviously tonight."
"(Quentin) Why?"
"(Barnabas) Because there's an eclipse!"
"(Quentin) So?"
"(Barnabas) Well, in an eclipse the light of the sun on the moon is blocked."
"(Quentin) It is?"
"(Barnabas) Quentin, you just told us about this yourself!! Surely you haven't forgotten already!!"


"(Quentin) What did she say about The Night of the Sun and the Moon?"
"(Barnabas) Nothing. Just "The Night of the Sun and the Moon". That was the entire clue."
"(Quentin) Well, why did she write something so cryptic?"
"(Barnabas) We're not sure. We think she was writing the note to herself so that she'd remember all her Talking Points but then died before she could tell us."
"(Quentin) I'd like to see all the other clues she left."
"(Barnabas) Good idea, Quentin. You, of all people, could afford to get a clue!"


"(Barnabas) But don't you see? I'm sure "The Night of the Sun and the Moon" means tonight?"
"(Quentin) Why?"
"(Barnabas) Let's not start that again. In an eclipse, the Earth comes between The Sun and The Moon."
"(Quentin) Yeah I know, but every time you see the moon in the sky, it's reflected sunlight. So technically, any night you can see the moon it's "The Night of the Sun and the Moon"."
"(Barnabas) Well, Carolyn's clue doesn't refer to every night, it refers to a specific night. She was trying to warn us of a danger to our lives and everyone at Collinwood!"
"(Quentin) Well, then? Why couldn't that refer to every night?"
"(Barnabas) Good point."


Blank:
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"(Barnabas) For the sake of our sanity, let's proceed on the assumption that Carolyn's Clue referred to tonight."
"(Quentin) Fine. What do we do about it?"
"(Barnabas) Well, that's the hard part. Julia's gone up to see if the children are all right."
"(Quentin) And I suppose if they're dead, that will prove that you're right."
"(Barnabas) You know, there's just no talking to you when you've been drinking, is there?..."
"(Quentin) Why don't you talk to me when I haven't been?"
"(Barnabas) Because we've got to solve this mystery BEFORE 1995, that's why!"


Blank:
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"(Barnabas) Julia's gone up to see if the children are all right. But I believe we should get them out of Collinwood immediately."
"(Quentin) Elizabeth would never go for that."
"(Barnabas) Even for their own safety?"
"(Quentin) Elizabeth doesn't believe they're in any danger."
"(Barnabas) What are we supposed to do? Sit around twiddling our thumbs until the Second Clue happens too?"
"(Quentin) What is The Second Clue?"
"(Barnabas) The Unfinished Horoscope."
"(Quentin) Wait a minute! I think I might know what that means!"
"(Barnabas) What!?"
"(Quentin) Schubert's Unfinished Horoscope!"
"(Barnabas) D'oh!"


"(Barnabas) Quentin, Schubert had an Unfinished Symphony, not an Unfinished Horoscope."
"(Quentin) Well, it was a good thought."
"(Barnabas) No, it wasn't, Quentin!"


"(Quentin) It's still funny you should mention this."
"(Barnabas) Funny Ha-Ha, or funny Strange?"
"(Quentin) Funny Strange. Do you know why Elizabeth thinks we're in no danger?"
"(Barnabas) Why?"
"(Quentin) Because she just had an Astrologer draw up her Horoscope."
"(Barnabas) Are you sure?"
"(Quentin) It's not Unfinished, but it is a Horoscope. I saw it on the wall of her Study. And it clearly says that everything will be coming up roses for the rest of the year at Collinwood."
"(Barnabas) Well, is it possible the Astrologer could have made a mistake? I mean, after all, there's not that much difference between "coming up roses" and "pushing up daisies"."


"(Barnabas) Where is Elizabeth?"
"(Quentin) She went to Portland for a few episodes."
"(Barnabas) Are you sure her Horoscope is finished?"
"(Quentin) Positive. I saw her Horoscope for December 31: Don't have more than two glasses of Mrs. Johnson's punch."
"(Mrs. Johnson's Voice) I read that!"


(Julia enters)
"(Quentin) Ah, Julia. Did you see the children?"
"(Julia) Yes."
"(Barnabas) Are they all right?"
"(Julia) I don't know."
"(Quentin) What do you mean?"
"(Julia) They're just acting a little... weird."
"(Quentin) (shouting) Six inches, you two!"
"(Julia) Not that kind of weird."


"(Barnabas) What kind of weird, then?"
"(Julia) I couldn't put a finger on it. I just felt they were hiding something from me."
"(Barnabas) Why?"
"(Julia) I don't know they were just being really studious and efficient. They were up their studying their lessons, and said they couldn't come sailing with me tomorrow because studying was more important."
"(Quentin) My God, that is suspicious!"


"(Julia) It's not not that unusual with kids their age to want to keep secrets to themselves."
"(Barnabas) Well, normally I respect their privacy, but there's a time and place for everything, and this isn't it."
"(Julia) I don't know what we can do except keep watch over them tonight."
"(Quentin) Well, I'm still not convinced about this ghost business. At their age, I think the danger of those two getting frisky up there alone in David's bedroom is a much greater danger. I'd better go up and put a stop to it."
"(Julia) Oh, fine. Putting YOU in charge of keeping people from getting frisky is like putting a monkey in charge of the bananas."


Blank:
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(As Quentin leaves, Julia goes to the Seaward Windows)
"(Barnabas) So, how's the eclipse going?"
"(Julia) I'm not sure."
"(Barnabas) What do you mean you're not sure?"
"(Julia) I can't tell whether the Moon is half full or half empty."
"(Barnabas) D'oh!"


Blank:
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(Upstairs, Quentin checks on David)
"(Quentin) David? Are you asleep yet?"
"(David) Yawn, almost."
"(Quentin) Have you said your prayers yet?"
"(David) Not yet. I always get stuck on that part about "If I should die before I wake"."


(After Quentin leaves, David sits up in bed, fully clothed)
"(David) Suc-ker!"


(David runs out into the hall, where he meets Hallie)
"(David) Quentin thought I was out for the evening.
"(Hallie) He thinks I'm asleep too. Let's go."
"(David) Great, have you got the beer?"
"(Hallie) What beer?"
"(David) I don't know, it just seems that if kids our age are going to go sneaking off together behind the adults back, that beer should be a part of it."


(Downstairs)
"(Barnabas) It's time for answers. Julia, see if you can do a Google search on the name "Gerard Stiles"."
"(Julia) Google Search?? Barnabas, this isn't 1995. We don't have an Internet any more!"
"(Barnabas) Blast!!"


"(Barnabas) We'd better start thinking about Elizabeth's horoscope."
"(Julia) But you said Quentin said it was finished."
(Quentin enters)
"(Quentin) Well, the Devil Tots are both in bed."
"(Julia) Quentin, did you tell Barnabas that Elizabeth's horoscope predicted nothing bad the rest of the year?"
"(Quentin) That's right."
"(Julia) Oooh, that's bad."
"(Quentin) How does Not Bad somehow mean Bad?"
"(Julia) Because if it said Bad, we'd know what day the Bad thing was. If it says Not Bad, it means we may have to muddle through this story for up to 4 months."
"(Quentin) You're right, that's bad."


Blank:
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Blank:
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(Outside the Playroom Linen Closet)
"(David) This MUST be the right place. We just ran away too early before."
"(Hallie) I'm about to run away again. Read the note again."
"(David) There's no light coming through the window. The eclipse must be complete."
"(Hallie) Does that mean anything special?"
"(David) It means it's too dark to read the note."


(Downstairs, Quentin, Julia and Barnabas are watching the eclipse)
"(Quentin) Arooooo!!!"
"(Barnabas) Quentin, what ARE you doing??"
"(Quentin) Sorry. Old habits die hard."


Blank:
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(Outside the Linen Closet)
"(Hallie) I think I can make it out now. It says "When the music ends, the play begins"."
"(David) What does that mean?"
"(Hallie) David, I'm..."
"(David) ...Scared. Yeah, that goes without saying."


"(David) Well, the music has stopped. I'll try to get in. Uh! Uh! Uh! It's no use, I"m pushing with all my might and it won't open."
"(Hallie) Uh, David, it opens outwards."
"(David) Oh, right."


Blank:
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(As David and Hallie stand around pondering, the door opens by itself)
"(Hallie) After you."
"(David) No, after you."
"(Hallie) After YOU, I say!"
"(David) No, I insist! Lady's first!"


(As David and Hallie enter, they find the Playroom where the closet used to be)
"(Hallie) David, look! There's a Playroom here where the closet used to be!"
"(David) Not only that, someone's been to Burger King. Look, they left the paper hat behind."


Blank:
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"(Julia) I just got a letter from Chris Jennings. He says he doesn't suffer from the werewolf curse any more."
"(Barnabas) You're joking! How was he cured?"
"(Julia) He wasn't, exactly. But he found that if he stands in a pentagram during the full moon, it prevents the change from occurring."
"(Quentin) You know, come to think of it, Evan Hanley wanted to try that on me when my curse first started, but was interrupted."
"(Julia) You mean you never tried it again after that?"
"(Quentin) No, I guess we just never got around to it."
"(Barnabas and Julia) D'oh!"


"(Barnabas) I need a pencil sharpener, said Lela bluntly."
"(Julia) I'm losing my hair, Lela bawled."
"(Quentin) I'm wearing a ribbon on my arm, said Lela with abandon."
"(Dan Curtis) What do you call those?"
"(Julia) Lela Swifties."
"(Dan Curtis) D'oh!"


"(Bob Lloyd) In association with PBS, ITC, Thames, and BBC 1 through 12."


"(Ken McEwen) Who's that bozo??"


Blank:
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          Episode 1075:   Barnabas and Julia try to learn about Tad Collins and Carrie Stokes, children who lived at Collinwood in 1840.