David and Hallie Play Hide and Seek!


The Collinsport Players Do Mary Poppins!


Hallie Can't Believe it's Not Butter!

Today on Dark Shadows...


Roxanne Goes Grocery Shopping!
"Roxanne's back!"
"That was going to be the next one."


The Collinsport Players Do Mary Poppins!
"We already DID that one!"


Carolyn Reads a Book!
"What's so unusual about that!??"


Episode 1081

Starring Kathy Cody, David Henesy, Nancy Barrett, Christopher Pennock, Jonathan Frid, Donna Wandrey
Original Script By Sam Hall
Directed By Henry Kaplan
Caption Version by Graeme Cree

Read left to right, top to bottom


"My name is Carolyn Stoddard. The great estate of Collinwood in 1970. Barnabas Collins has returned from 1995, with the belief that an unknown catastrophe is destined to destroy the family later this year. This is odd, however, as, according to Mr. Curtis, the show won't be cancelled until 1971."


"(Carolyn) Barnabas has made every effort to avert the disaster, but with little success. He has six clues to what occurred, but two of them have passed already without his being able to either prevent them or learn their significance. What Barnabas has not figured out yet is that none of the clues mean diddly! They're just totally unrelated things that happened at the same time as the important things."
(An animated Goat is superimposed over Barnabas' face)


Blank:
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(Hallie enters the Playroom, and finds David on a Hobby Horse in 1840 clothes)
"(Hallie) David, what's the matter with you?"
(David keeps rocking)
"(Hallie) You know you're not supposed to be here. You gave your Aunt Elizabeth your word!"
(David keeps rocking)
"(Hallie) And what are you doing in those clothes? David, this is no time to play games!"
(David keeps rocking)
"(Hallie) Actually, that looks kind of fun. After you when you're done."


Blank:
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"(Hallie) David, this place is creeping me out! Can't we get out of here?"
(David keeps rocking on)
"(Hallie) David, I mean it! If you don't get off your high horse and come with me, I'll never speak to you again!"
(David starts rocking faster)
"(Hallie) D'oh!"


"(Hallie) (storming out) Don't say I didn't warn you! You can just get in trouble all by yourself!"
(David doesn't care, he just keeps rock, rock, rocking on until morning)


Blank:
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(Hallie storms out of the Playroom and sees David himself in the hallway, in normal clothes)
"(Hallie) What the... How did you get out here so fast? How did you change??"
(David gives the stock answer he always gives when he has no idea what's going on)
"(David) Trade Secret."
(fade to black)


Blank:
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Blank:
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"(David) What's going on? what happened in there?"
"(Hallie) You! You were in there!"
"(David) When?"
"(Hallie) Just now! And you were dressed in some monkey suit, with a ruffled collar, lace sleeves, and flared trousers!"
"(David) Seriously?"
"(Hallie) Yes!... You looked even more like Danny Bonaduce than you usually do!"


"(David) I'm not in there, I'm out here. What are you talking about, Willis?"
"(Hallie) No, no. It's whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis!"
"(David) What?"
"(Hallie) Whatchoo!"
"(David) Gesundheit."


Blank:
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"(Hallie) I'm telling you, I left the Playroom just before the credits! You were on the rocking horse in there. Then I step outside and you're out here too!"
"(David) You really had a hallucination, didn't you?"
"(Hallie) I did not! It was real! And you were wearing clothes like that Monkey Suit you found on your bed. I talked to you, but you just stared ahead blankly like you were on drugs."
"(David) I was on drugs?? Are there any left?"
"(Hallie) No, I said like you were on drugs. Broadcast Standards, remember?"


"(Hallie) I yelled at you, implored you to snap out of it and come with me, but you just kept staring blankly at the wall."
"(David) Tad!"
"(Hallie) Tad what?"
"(David) It was Tad that you saw in there!"
"(Hallie) Really? He looked so much like you!"
"(David) Yeah, yeah, so did Jamison. * Come on, let's see if he's still there!"
"(Hallie) David, no! I don't want to go back in there! I'm frightened!"
"(David) What are you so upset about? You just got to chew out a ghost."
* David's alter ego in 1897.


Blank:
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(David and Hallie return to the Playroom, and find it empty)
"(David) Tad? Tad, are you in here?"
"(Hallie) He's gone. But he was right there on that horse."
"(David) (spookily) Unless he's still here, and we just can't see him!"
(sound of ghostly laughter echoes throughout the room)
"(David) Hey, I was only kidding!"


(Meanwhile in the Drawing Room) *
* After appearing on Dark Shadows, this book can now be purchased for one PENNY on Amazon! Coincidence??"


(Carolyn hears a knocking at the front door)
"(Carolyn) Mrs. Johnson, do you want to get that?"
(no answer)
"(Carolyn) Mrs. Johnson!"
"(Mrs. Johnson's Voice) I didn't hear that!"
"(Carolyn) THAT she doesn't hear!"


(Carolyn answers to Sebastian)
"(Carolyn) Mr. Shaw, well. I've got the only Astrologer that makes House Calls."
"(Sebastian) That look in your eye! That's what I want to talk to you about."
"(Carolyn) What look?"
"(Sebastian) That "Is He or Isn't He?" Look. And only my hairdresser knows for sure."
"(Carolyn) Whether you're Jeb Hawkes?"
"(Sebastian) That too."


"(Carolyn) I'm sorry, so you look like my late husband, okay? People do tend to look like other people on this show, you know."
"(Sebastian) You don't have to tell me. You look just like my landlady in New York."
"(Carolyn) Were you involved with her?"
"(Sebastian) Only once."
"(Carolyn) When was that?"
"(Sebastian) The day she hauled me into Small Claims Court for non-payment of rent."


Blank:
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"(Carolyn) Did you bring my horoscope?"
"(Sebastian) No."
"(Carolyn) I hoped you would. I've been reading the book you gave my mother. It's fascinating, really!"
"(Sebastian) Fascinating? Isn't that a dilettante's word? *"
"(Carolyn) It depends. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
"(Sebastian) It means a dabbler. A person only peripherally involved in what he's talking about, trying to feign greater interest or knowledge that far exceeds his own minuscule involvement."
"(Carolyn) I repeat, is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
* Take THAT, Mr. Spock!"


"(Sebastian) It's a bad thing. I don't think you believe in astrology at all."
"(Carolyn) I never have."
"(Sebastian) I prefer to work for true believers."
"(Carolyn) Well, if you do my horoscope and things come true, I'll become a true believer."
"(Sebastian) I don't think you want your horoscope done at all. I think you only commissioned my services because you're blue over your late husband."
"(Carolyn) What do you care, as long as my money is green?"


"(Sebastian) Mrs. Hawkes, I started your horoscope, but I'm not going to finish it."
"(Carolyn) Why not?"
"(Sebastian) Three reasons, really. For one thing, you don't really want it."
"(Carolyn) I want to buy what you're selling. What difference does it make what I want to do with it?"
"(Sebastian) For another thing, I believe you're only looking for an opportunity to begin a relationship with me, which would be enormously difficult to pursue even if I were interested."
"(Carolyn) Why difficult?"
"(Sebastian) Because my favorite pickup line is "What's your sign?", and I'd already know."


"(Sebastian) I am not your late husband, and sooner or later you will realize that and lose interest."
"(Carolyn) The dead DO return! If you live here any length of time, you'll realize that."
"(Sebastian) Maybe, but I'm not one of them."
"(Carolyn) What's your third reason?"
"(Sebastian) Trying to do your horoscope drove me crazi. I did it for a full month, and every day was the same. You go down to the mall, max out your charger plates, then head to the ice cream parlour."


(After Sebastian leaves, Barnabas comes downstairs, his jaw hanging)
"(Barnabas) Carolyn! That man looked very familiar!"
"(Carolyn) I know. You thought you were seeing Jeb Hawkes too, didn't you?"
"(Barnabas) No, Cyrus Longworth."
"(Carolyn) D'oh!"


"(Carolyn) Not Cyrus Longworth, it's Jeb... Only he says he isn't."
"(Barnabas) Oh, yes, of course. Jeb. They're not doing a sequel to the Leviathan Story, are they?"
"(Carolyn) No, of course not."
"(Barnabas) Well, good. We've barely gotten the stink out of the carpets after the last one."


"(Barnabas) But who is he, then?"
"(Carolyn) Sebastian Shaw."
"(Barnabas) The one who did your mother's horoscope?"
"(Carolyn) Yes, and he started to do mine."
"(Barnabas) What do you mean Started?"
"(Carolyn) He's refusing to finish it."
"(Barnabas) I see... What ran out? Your money or his patience?"
"(Carolyn) D'oh!"


"(Carolyn) Not his patience, exactly. He's decided I only want my horoscope to try to make time with him."
"(Barnabas) Where'd he ever get an idea like that?"
"(Carolyn) He's not an idiot, Barnabas."
"(Barnabas) Oh, I see... Wait a moment! HE can't not finish it!"
"(Carolyn) Why can't he... not?"
"(Barnabas) That's one of the Clues! The Unfinished Horoscope, remember??"
"(Carolyn) The Clues again. Barnabas, I think you place far too much credence in a set of clues written by some crazi lady."
"(Barnabas) That crazi lady was you!"
"(Carolyn) I rest my case."


"(Carolyn) What does that clue even mean? Or any of them?"
"(Barnabas) I don't know, but the horoscope must be finished! That much I know!"
"(Carolyn) Why? How will finishing a horoscope prevent the disaster?"
"(Barnabas) I don't know, but if we can change one thing, perhaps we can change the entire course of events that led to the destruction."
"(Carolyn) But you already have, just by being here, haven't you?"
"(Barnabas) What do you mean?"
"(Carolyn) Well, you said that originally you and Julia weren't here when the disaster took place, but now you are."
"(Barnabas) If we can just change TWO things..."


"(Carolyn) Barnabas, am I crazy for thinking Sebastian is really Jeb?"
"(Barnabas) We have so much in common, Carolyn. I too have lost someone I love."
"(Carolyn) Josette?"
"(Barnabas) Well, her too, but actually I was thinking of Roxanne."
"(Carolyn) I don't think I met her."
"(Barnabas) She was my heart. And I left her in Parallel Time."
"(Carolyn) I know exactly how you feel, Barnabas. And so does Tony Bennett."
"(Barnabas) Tony Bennett?"
"(Carolyn) He left his heart in San Francisco."


"(Carolyn) Look, maybe this Roxanne person isn't lost, Barnabas."
"(Barnabas) I have no way of getting back to Parallel Time."
"(Carolyn) I know, but didn't you say that everyone in Parallel Time exists here too? That means there's a Roxanne in this time too."
"(Barnabas) Yes, that's a thought, but the Roxanne of this time may already be dead. Besides, even if I could find her, she wouldn't be the same as my Roxanne. She'd just have the same face and name."
"(Carolyn) I know, but knowing how superficial you are with women, that might be enough."
"(Barnabas) D'oh!"


Blank:
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(In David's Room)
"(David) Okay, so you saw a ghost. Big deal. You still can't tell anybody about seeing Tad."
"(Hallie) Want to watch me?"
"(David) You can't. The people in the room won't like it."
"(Hallie) I don't care whether they do or not."
"(David) Look, last time we tried to tell, they injured your arm. If we try again, they might injure me next."
"(Hallie) That's a chance I'm willing to take."
"(David) When did you get so bra... Hey, wait a minute!"


"(David) We can't tell. There's no telling what they'd do to either of us if we made them mad."
"(Hallie) But what do they want from us? I mean what do they really want?"
"(David) You heard them at the seance. They want to live."
"(Hallie) I dunno. When you're a 13 year old kid who wears a ruffled shirt, and enjoys hobby horses, I don't know if you can ever really "live"."


"(Hallie) What does that mean that they "want to live"? Through us?"
"(David) I don't know."
"(Hallie) If they live through us, how will we live? Are we supposed to cut a time share deal for our own bodies?"
"(David) I'm sure they don't mean us any real harm."
"(Hallie) Unless we cross them, you mean! I don't know, maybe it would be a good thing if they did hurt me again. And you too!"
"(David) What do you mean that would be a good thing?"
"(Hallie) If we get banged up any more, maybe they won't want our bodies."


Blank:
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"(David) You don't want to get hurt again, and you know it."
"(Hallie) I know, but I don't want to keep getting possessed, either."
"(David) Well, I don't think it would do any good to tell Aunt Elizabeth. She has a way of sticking her head in the sand about danger. If we tell her, we're liable to get in trouble again, and still not convince her."
"(Hallie) Well, maybe not her, then. But we should definitely tell our story to a responsible Adult."
"(David) What, you mean like Quentin?"
(pause)
"(Hallie) You're not paying attention..."


"(David) There's nobody that can help us, Hallie. Remember, I went through this before when Amy and I got possessed by ghosts. Nobody could help us then and nobody can help us now. Now, promise me you won't tell anybody about this."
"(Hallie) All right, but only if you promise me something! You must never go in that room again. Never! Now, I mean it, David! I won't go there either. But we can't go in that room."
"(David) Why not?"
"(Hallie) Don't you see? If we don't go in there, the ghosts will leave us alone."
"(David) Weren't they bothering us before we ever went there? You know, like dressing up you up in ghost clothes?"
"(Hallie) David!"
"(David) All right. I promise."
"(Hallie) And you'll keep the promise, too."
"(David) Yes, I'll keep it."
"(Hallie) Oh David, I feel better already! I guess growing up is learning to be do sensible things. Say, I know. Why don't we go out horseback riding tomorrow?"
"(David) That's a sensible grown up thing?"
"(Hallie) Well, you've got to ease into those things, you know."


(After Hallie leaves, David picks up a book on Astrology)
"(reading) Fire Signs:  Fire Signs are for people who relate in some way to fire. They may have red hair, and be prone to spontaneous combustion. Or they may simply like sitting in front of fires... or even in them. A typical fire person will use matches rather than lighters, but prefers rubbing two sticks together. They can often be found in jail for arson."


(The Playroom Theme starts playing)
"(David) Stop it! Stop it!!!"
(covers his ears)
"(Tad's Voice) Now you know how we feel about that boom box of yours!"


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"(Ghost of Tad) David?"
"(David) Are you here? Leave us alone, will you?"
(David's dresser drawer opens)
"(Ghost of Tad) Put on the suit, David. Put it on."
"(David) This thing looks a little too heavy for this summer heat."
"(Ghost of Tad) It's a winter suit. My whole wardrobe didn't survive 130 years, you know."
"(David) Do you dry clean this thing, or can it go in the wash?"
"(Ghost of Tad) I'm not really sure... It's washboard safe, I know that much."


"(Ghost of Tad) Come to the Playroom, David. We don't want to hurt you."
"(David) The Playroom?"
"(Ghost of Tad) We don't want to hurt you. Just hand over your body and you won't get hurt."
"(David) And then I can leave, huh?"


(downstairs, Carolyn is reading too)
"(Carolyn) Sagittarius: All your friends are laughing behind your back. Kill them. Take down those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you have hanging in your den."

(Down in the Drawing Room, Carolyn is giving Louis MacNeice more free plugs) *
"(Carolyn) Page viii... Why can't they just number these pages?"
* Notice that despite reading this book for days, Carolyn doesn't seem to be past the Foreword yet.


(Hallie approaches)
"(Hallie) A book on Horoscopes!?"
"(Carolyn) I only read it for the recipes. Do you believe in horoscopes, Hallie?"
"(Hallie) Oh, I guess so. Maybe I do, if..."
"(Carolyn) If what?"
"(Hallie) If saying I did would make you want to loan me your hair dryer."


"(Carolyn) Don't tell me you've lived at Collinwood two months and are still a skeptic."
"(Hallie) No, not exactly. I just don't know why people would be all that keen to know the future. I mean if you went to a football game, you wouldn't want to know the score before it started, would you?"
"(Carolyn) You would if you had some money down on it. Besides, if you didn't want to know the future, why do you memorize your lines before each show?"
"(Hallie) Good point."


"(Hallie) The thing is, people read horoscopes to hear good things, right? But don't horoscopes tell bad things too?"
"(Carolyn) Sometimes. What kind of "bad things" are you afraid of learning from Astrology, Hallie? Meeting tall dark strangers? Having your business prospects decline? That sort of thing?"
"(Hallie) How about having your house destroyed by ghosts and zombies?"
"(Carolyn) No, no, that's Scorpio. You're Libra."


(Upstairs, David returns to the Playroom)
"(David) How can they call this a Playroom when there's no Hot Wheels, no Major Matt Mason, and no Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots in sight?"


(David becomes either transfixed, mesmerized, or fascinated by the carousel) *
* Hopefully not Fascinated, as we've never thought of David as a dilettante.


Blank:
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(Downstairs, Hallie is on the phone)
"(Hallie) I'm fine, uncle Eliot. Honest. Everything here is just groovy... Now, don't give me a hard time, Uncle Eliot. Groovy is a perfectly acceptable word... What's that? You know it is?... You remember Fibber McGee and Molly using it back in 1941?... Sigh, never mind. All of a sudden "Groovy" isn't groovy any more."


(Hallie says goodbye)
"(Carolyn) Hallie? Have you seen David?"
"(Hallie) Not in the last hour or so. Last I saw he was up in his room studying his French."
"(Carolyn) He'd better not be in the West Wing again, or mother is going to start studying HER French."


"(Hallie) Oh, I'm sure he didn't go back there. He promised me he wouldn't. Maybe he's talking to Maggie about something."
"(Carolyn) No, it's Maggie's day off. She went into town to go shopping."
"(Hallie) Are you sure?"
"(Carolyn) Of course I'm sure. Maggie stopped to see me before she left, and almost left her entire week's salary in my room when she walked out. It gave me the scare of my life when I saw it lying there on my bureau."
"(Hallie) It gave YOU a scare!?"
"(Carolyn) For a minute I thought mother had cut my allowance."


Blank:
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(Up in the Playroom)
"(David) No doubt about it. Kids in 1840 were more easily amused."


(David goes to a portrait of Tad and Carrie on the wall, and makes a new discovery)
"(David) No doubt about it. You just can't see up a portrait's skirt. Couldn't they at least put a Ping-Pong table in here or something?"


(Outside the Playroom, Hallie debates about whether to go in)
"(Hallie) He's in there. I know he's in there. I'm going to make sure the ghosts haven't killed him... And then I'm going to do it myself."


(Walking into the Playroom, Hallie takes the bull by the horns only to find David riding it) *
* Okay, actually it's a horse, but we couldn't resist the pun.


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"(Hallie) David Collins, you promised me you wouldn't come in here again!"
(David's entire demeanor is changed)
"(David) You must have me confused with someone else. I never made a promise like that."
"(Hallie) Of course you did. Down in your room, remember?"
"(David) And who's David Collins, anyway?"
"(Hallie) Uh oh... David, don't tell me you're possessed again!"
"(David) You won't hear it from me. Although I will admit I am getting a little too old for some of these toys."
"(Hallie) Tell me about it. If you are Tad again, you must be pushing 140 by now..."


"(David) I should seriously think about giving some of them away... Only there are no other rich children around, and the poor would get them all grubby."
"(Hallie) I knew if you came in here something awful would happen! I knew it! And worst of all, you don't even remember enough for me to say I Told You So!"
"(David) Whatever has happened, has happened to you, Carrie. Not me."
"(Hallie) Carrie? What are you talking about?"
"(David) Those scandalous clothes you're wearing! I can see your ankles."
"(Hallie) These clothes aren't scandalous, they're groovy!"
"(David) Pater said he was 26 years old before he knew women even had ankles."


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"(Hallie) You know, you're a fine one to talk!"
"(David) What do you mean?"
"(Hallie) Look at that cardigan and flared trousers you're wearing! Did the real Tad Collins ever wear any clothes with a label from Penneys?"
"(David) Label? Oh, of course! That's the label!.... Silly me, I thought it was the price tag!"


Blank:
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"(David) These clothes may be a bit daff, but at least I'm in no danger of being arrested as a nudenik."
"(Hallie) That's nudist! And why did you call me Carrie?"
"(David) Because it's your name. What should I call you? Anastasia Papadopoulos?"
"(Hallie) My name is Carrie? Since when?"
"(David) Since always. Since your mother saw an old lady with a hatchet smash a bar to smithereens and get splinters in father's brandy." *
* Note: Carrie Nation was not born until 1846. Sometimes a cap is supposed to be funny, not technical.


Blank:
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"(Hallie) So you're really Tad Collins?"
"(David) At your service."
"(Hallie) Please, can't we get out of this room?"
"(David) I have no objections. We need to go find Rose Cottage, anyway."
"(Hallie) Rose Cottage? What is it?"
"(David) You ask some strange questions today."
"(Hallie) You really know what Rose Cottage is?"
"(David) Of course. I know it as well as I know my own name."
"(Hallie) Yeah, well let's not go there, okay?"


"(Hallie) So, what is it? You know Julia and Barnabas have been looking for Rose Cottage."
"(David) Julia and Barnabas? Who are they?"
"(Hallie) You really don't know?"
"(David) I have never heard of those people in my life."
"(Hallie) And you have no idea who David Collins is either?"
"(David) Of course not."
"(Hallie) So, in other words, if I..."
TWEAK!
"(Hallie) ...you on the nose like this, David won't remember it later?"


(As David and Hallie leave the Playroom, David looks dazed again)
"(Hallie) All right, now what's Rose Cottage?"
"(David) Where am I? What's going on? What am I doing here?"
"(Hallie) Don't give me that! That's the quickest case of amnesia I've seen since your Aunt Elizabeth asked you about that broken lamp!"


"(David) Why are we here?"
"(Hallie) Well, why are any of us here? I mean, when you get down to it, it's all so meaningless..."
"(David) No, I mean why are we here in the West Wing?"
"(Hallie) You don't remember any of it?"
"(David) No. The last thing I remember I was in my bedroom."
"(Hallie) Well, I found you in there, where you promised not to go, on the hobby horse."
"(David) Let's get out of here. But tell me what I said! Please!"
"(Hallie) Well, for one thing, you said I was stunningly gorgeous..."


(Meanwhile, at Sebastian's Pad)
Programming Note: Just because one is a Psychic, and an Astrologer doesn't mean they know how to spell.


(In his Little Astrology Shop of Horrors, Sebastian is looking over his Unfinished Horoscope)
"(Sebastian) Ha! Schubert had his Symphony, I have this!"


(Barnabas knocks at his chamber door)
"(Sebastian) Who are you?"
"(Barnabas) I'm Barnabas Collins. May I come in?"
"(Sebastian) What's the password?"
"(Barnabas) Money."
"(Sebastian) Okay, come on in."


"(Sebastian) Normally I only see people by appointment, Mr. Collins."
"(Barnabas) This is most important. It's about my cousin Carolyn."
"(Sebastian) I let her down as gently as I could, Mr. Collins, but I am simply not her late husband."
"(Barnabas) Yes, yes, I'm prepared to accept that, but that's not what I came to discuss. "(Sebastian) What then?"
"(Barnabas) You must finish Carolyn's horoscope."
"(Sebastian) oh, I "must", must I? Oh, I love it when people tell me that I must do something, so that I can tell them what to do with their Must."
"(Barnabas) Why? What do you tell them to do?"
"(Sebastian) I... you know, I tell them to shove it somewhere."
"(Barnabas) Where?"
CENSORED!
"(Barnabas) Never mind, tell me after the show."


"(Sebastian) What's Carolyn's horoscope to you?"
"(Barnabas) It's very important for her well being."
"(Sebastian) Mr. Collins, I'm a Doctor, not an Astrologer."
"(Barnabas) You're a doctor!?"
"(Sebastian) Sorry, I meant I'm an Astrologer, not a Doctor. Sorry, I've been watching too much Star Trek lately."


"(Barnabas) There'll be something in it for you, of course."
"(Sebastian) Mr. Collins, I can't work for Miss Stoddard. She only came to me because she thinks I'm her dead husband, and she doesn't even take my work seriously. That really bugs me!"
"(Barnabas) Well, what makes you think she doesn't take you seriously?"
"(Sebastian) When I asked her what sign she was born under, she said "No Visitors after 9 p.m."."


"(Barnabas) I'll pay you for the work, of course."
"(Sebastian) Not interested."
"(Barnabas) I'll double your fee!"
"(Sebastian) Very generous. Unfortunately, Mrs. Stoddard doesn't approve of Carolyn's coming to me. And collecting a fee from you is of no use to me if it alienates her."
"(Barnabas) I've got friends! I'll fix it for you with Selective Service!"
"(Sebastian) Nice try, Mr Collins, I'm 4-F!"


"(Barnabas) How about if I promise you you won't have to see Carolyn again?"
"(Sebastian) You can't promise that."
"(Barnabas) And help smooth it over with Mrs. Stoddard. I'm telling you I can."
(Sebastian gets a glazed look in his eye)
"(Sebastian) I'm sorry, Mr. Collins. I have urgent business I must attend to now."
"(Barnabas) No, please. Nothing is more important than..."
(Sebastian disappears into a very small windowless room and closes the door)
"(Barnabas) Oh! Never mind... Funny, I didn't know we had any of those on this show."


(Barnabas hears a familiar voice out in the hallway as Roxanne herself walks into the room holding a bag of groceries)
"(Familiar Voice) Sebastian, are you here? It's time for your daily Navel Contemplation."


"(Barnabas) Roxanne, it's you!"
(a feather flutters down from the ceiling, knocking Barnabas to the ground)


Blank:
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"(Barnabas) Keep an eye on those credits, Julia. The moment they change to Tad and Carrie, we're in trouble."


"(Bob Lloyd) Supposedly. This credit won't be confirmed until tomorrow."


"(Dan Curtis) Who in the Sam Hill wrote this?"
"(Bob Lloyd) That's Hall."


Blank:
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"(Porky Pig) Th-th-th That's all, folks!"


          Episode 1081:   Barnabas meets Sebastian's assistant Roxanne Drew, who is identical to the Roxanne he met in Parallel Time.