Julia Hoffman: Wears Cross Shaped Pendants!
Can't Understand Why Barnabas Won't Give Her a Tumble!

David and Hallie Become Giants Fans!

David Tries to Get Better Reception Out of Hallie!
"That only works with TV sets!"

Today on Dark Shadows...

Kate Jackson Starts to Get a Swelled Head!

Roxanne Plays Darts!

Dark Shadows Gets a New Sponsor!

Episode 1082

Starring Kathy Cody, Jonathan Frid, Donna Wandrey, Grayson Hall, Kate Jackson, David Henesy
Original Script By Sam Hall
Directed By Henry Kaplan
Caption Version by Graeme Cree

Read left to right, top to bottom

"(Ken McEwen) My name is Larry Chase, once again reprising my incredibly popular role from Parallel Time, in which I played the family lawyer, who got kissed to death by Angelique Collins. I still get fan mail about that scene today..."

"(Larry) Barnabas Collins recently returned from the year 1995 with six clues to a disaster that will happen later in 1970. Two of the clues have already passed, with Barnabas failing to prevent or even understand them. He is trying to alter the third clue now: an unfinished horoscope that has been semi-written by Sebastian Shaw, a man who can predict the future, but can't spell "Stoddard" correctly."

"(Larry) What are you doing here? You're not even in this episode!"

(At Sebastian's Pad, Sebastian has given Barnabas a subtle hint to leave, by holing himself up in The Little Astrologer's Room)
"(Barnabas) Mr. Shaw! Mr. Shaw, you must listen to me!"
"(Barnabas) Jerk..."


(Hearing a familiar voice in the hallway, Barnabas turns to see none other than his lost love from Parallel Time entering the room)
"(Barnabas) As I (more or less) live and breathe! Roxanne! It's you!"
"(Roxanne) How did you know my name?"
"(Barnabas) I, er... saw it on your name tag."
"(Roxanne) I'm not wearing one. Furthermore sir, I'll thank you to avert your gaze from my whole "Name Tag" area."



"(Roxanne) I'm sorry. Do we know each other?"
"(Barnabas) Er... sort of... I think."
"(Roxanne) Since I do not know you, we could not possibly know "each other". Who are you?"
"(Barnabas) Er, Barnabas. Barnabas Collins."
"(Roxanne) Barnabas? Now that's a name you don't hear very often. What do people call you? Barney?"
"(Barnabas) Only those who either don't like me, or don't like having their nose attached to their face."

"(Roxanne) We haven't met and yet you know my name. Did Sebastian tell you?"
"(Barnabas) He didn't tell me you even existed. But I knew someone who looked just like you… in another time. Her name was Roxanne. Roxanne Drew."
"(Roxanne) But that's my last name! Where did you know this girl?"
"(Barnabas) Um, in Collinsport. But in another time."
"(Roxanne) You mean many years ago?"
"(Barnabas) Whatever you say."
"(Roxanne) Well, if she looked like me then, I didn't. Five years ago I had pigtails, freckles, and hair down to here. I'll bet she didn't."
"(Barnabas) would I be hitting on you if she did? I mean no, certainly not!"

"(Roxanne) I've only lived in Collinsport a few weeks. Sebastian and I... work together."
"(Barnabas) Oh, you're an Astrologer too?"
"(Roxanne) Whatever you say. But I can't tell you how your story fascinates me, Mr. Collins!"
"(Barnabas) Sebastian says "Fascinating" is a dilettante's word."
"(Roxanne) I know what Sebastian says!... Now you know why he walks the way he does."

"(Barnabas) Did your Roxanne have any family near here?"
"(Barnabas) No, she lived alone."
"(Roxanne) I see. And you said she was where?"
"(Barnabas) Dead... uh, downstairs."

"(Roxanne) Downstairs?"
"(Barnabas) I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that. She's not in Collinsport at all. I don't know exactly where in Time and Space she is, quite frankly."
"(Roxanne) By "Time and Space", you mean Maine, I take it?"
"(Barnabas) Whatever you say."
"(Roxanne) This game is getting old really fast!"

"(Barnabas) I'm sorry, I don't know exactly where she is."
"(Roxanne) This is exciting! Sebastian told me about Astral Twins."
"(Barnabas) Astral Twins?"
"(Roxanne) Yes, people who were born at the same time. They have the same horoscope and lead very similar lives. And to think I thought he'd gotten into the Wacky Weed again!"
"(Barnabas) Sort of like "Separated at Birth"?"
"(Roxanne) Well, not exactly. They were never together. They were born in different places, yet are very much alike."
"(Barnabas) Oh, you mean like Dan Marino and David Hasselhoff?"
"(Roxanne) Sort of..."
"(Barnabas) Al Gore and Forrest Gump?"
"(Roxanne) Not exactly..."
"(Barnabas) Patty and Cathy Lane? Hallie and Jan Brady? David and Danny Partridge?"
"(Roxanne) D'oh!"

"(Roxanne) Their lives are often very similar, but I've never heard of them being similar down to having the exact same name."
"(Barnabas) Neither have I!"
"(Roxanne) My middle name is Nancy. What was your Roxanne's middle name?"
"(Barnabas) Er, I'm not sure. We weren't on a middle name basis."

"(Roxanne) I never imagine I had an Astral Twin. I wonder if she too is a... Well, never mind."
"(Barnabas) Doesn't the idea frighten you?"
"(Roxanne) Why should it? I want to meet your Roxanne. Is there any chance of her coming to town?"
"(Barnabas) I... seriously doubt it. But perhaps you will make up for her absence."
"(Roxanne) What a shame. Still, maybe it's for the best she's not. If she were here, we'd probably spend the rest of our lives getting each other's mail."

"(Roxanne) Were you waiting to see Sebastian?"
"(Barnabas) I've already seen him. He's meditating now."
"(Barnabas) Or something like that. Am I keeping you from Sebastian?"
"(Roxanne) Oh no."
"(Barnabas) Then would you mind if I stay a while? We could talk over old times."
"(Roxanne) We just met."
"(Barnabas) Then we can talk over the new times... we're about to have!"

"(Barnabas) Actually, perhaps you could help me. You see, I came here to ask Sebastian to finish my Cousin Carolyn's horoscope, but for some reason he refused to do it. I was thinking that perhaps you might help to change his mind."
"(Roxanne) Oh, I wouldn't do it. Sebastian does what he wants to do."
"(Barnabas) And you admire that?"
"(Roxanne) It's kind of a turn on."
"(Barnabas) Yes... well, I do what I want to do too, you know!"
"(Roxanne) You do?"
"(Barnabas) And I want... you to ask him for me. Sorry, that's not very good, is it?"
"(Roxanne) No!"
"(Barnabas) You know, technically it's not important that Sebastian himself finish the horoscope. Since you two work together, perhaps you could finish it yourself."
"(Roxanne) You mean go over his Astral Head and touch up Sebastian's work???"
"(Barnabas) Look, I don't care if you fill the thing up with doodles, as long as it's finished!"

"(Roxanne) Look, let me get this straight. All you want is for the Horoscope to be finished. Content doesn't matter, right?"
"(Barnabas) Right."
(Roxanne waves her hands)
"(Roxanne) Poof! There, it's finished. That'll be $100."
"(Barnabas) That isn't finishing it!"
"(Roxanne) Of course it is. Now, instead of having an unfinished horoscope for the rest of the year, you've got a finished horoscope for the next 9 days. What's wrong with that?"
"(Barnabas) Nothing, I guess... But if I spot the flaw in what you said, can I come back?"
"(Roxanne) Feel free."

(Barnabas kisses her hand) *
"(Barnabas) But I would so dearly love to see you again. I'm fascinated by the idea of Astro Twins myself."
"(Roxanne) Astral Twins."
"(Barnabas) That's what I meant. Perhaps we could meet for a late dinner tonight to discuss it further."
"(Roxanne) Well..."
"(Barnabas) Your Astral Twin and I always used to meet for dinner on Thursdays, so since she's not here, it's the least you could do for her."
(Roxanne starts to smell a rat)
* This Episode Rated X in 1840."


(At Collinwood, Hallie finds Julia hard at work)
"(Hallie) What are you looking at, Dr. Hoffman?"
"(Julia) Oh, hello Hallie! Nothing, just some old Tax Records."
"(Hallie) Cool! 45's or 78's?"
"(Julia) D'oh!"

"(Julia) Not phonograph records, official documents."
"(Hallie) Oh!"
"(Julia) The list all the Real Estate Taxes paid in Hancock County in the 1840's."
"(Hallie) Why would you want to know a thing like that? Are you digging up dirt on a political opponent?"
"(Julia) No, you see, I believe Rose Cottage was once an estate around here. Probably abandoned now. By finding out if taxes were ever paid on it, I can find out where it is."
"(Hallie) What does it matter?"
"(Julia) I'd just like to find out more about it. I've always been fascinated by history."
"(Hallie) Oh, you're a dilettante too?"
"(Julia) D'oh!"

"(Julia) I am not a dilettante! I'll have you know that the whole reason I came to Collinwood was to write a book on the history of the Collins family!"
"(Hallie) Using your qualifications as a blood doctor?"
"(Julia) It's a sidelight, okay? Don't you believe in people branching out? Not being tied to one field of interest?"
"(Hallie) Well sure, but David said you came to Collinwood to write that book three years ago and you still hadn't gotten started."
"(Julia) What do you mean "haven't gotten started"?? I'll have you know I'm up to page viii already!"


"(Hallie) Is that the only reason you're interested? To write a book?"
"(Julia) What else could there be?"
"(Hallie) It could be almost anything."
"(Julia) Well, it isn't."
(Daphne appears behind Julia's back)
"(Ghost of Daphne) (to herself) Julia Hoffman, is she still around!? I went to school with her!"

(Daphne gestures to Hallie to come hither)
"(Hallie) Uh oh..."
"(Julia) Something wrong?"
"(Hallie) Um, no. Nothing at all."
(Daphne gestures more urgently for Hallie to get her rear in gear, then leaves the room)
"(Julia) Are you sure nothing is wrong?"
"(Hallie) No... No, nothing. But I have a feeling that I'm about to have more than my arm in this sling."

"(Julia) What are you talking about?"
"(Hallie) Um... nothing. I've got to go now! It's been nice knowing you."
"(Julia) Don't you mean "See you later"?"
"(Hallie) That's what I like about you. You're such an optimist."


(Hallie goes to David's room)
"(David) Hey. You know, I've been thinking. I think this might be the model of a real ship."
"(Hallie) You know that, silly."
"(David) How do I know that?"
"(Hallie) You've seen it in the harbor."
"(David) I haven't even seen this ship is in the bathtub!"

"(Hallie) Wanst thou to hearest a good one?"
"(David) Wanst?"
"(Hallie) This will slay you. Do you know what that frumpy doctor is doing downstairs?"
"(David) Frumping?"
"(Hallie) No. Be prepared for a merry jest..."
"(David) Merry jest? Either you're Carrrie again, or you've been watching too much Game of Thrones."

"(David) Okay, what's the merry jest, Hallie?"
"(Hallie) That's not my name! Why do you keep calling me that?"
"(David) Because when I called you Lefty you got mad at me."


"(Hallie) Am I the only sane one here?"
"(David) I hadn't thought of that, but that would explain everything. All right, all right. What's the frumpy doctor doing?"
"(Hallie) She's down there trying to find Rose Cottage! Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha!"
"(David) What's so funny about that?"
"(Hallie) She'll never find it! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"
"(David) Why not, Carrie?"
"(Hallie) She's trying to find it by going through old tax records! She'll never find it that way."
"(David) Why not? Were our ancestors tax cheats, or did Rose Cottage only exist on paper as an insurance write off?"


"(Hallie) Why are you pretending you don't know?"
"(David) Uh, I forgot. Tell me."
"(Hallie) I will not! I won't play such silly games."
"(David) Then I won't play your game either... Hallie!"
"(Hallie) Don't call me that!"
"(David) You're not Carrie! You're not, you're not, you're not!"
(David shakes Hallie violently)
"(Hallie) Oggidy, oggidy, oggidy!" (David keeps shaking)
"(Hallie) All right! All right, stop already!!"
"(David) Are you Hallie again?"
"(Hallie) Yes! And if you don't stop shaking, I'm going to be Queasy!"

"(Hallie) I turned into her again, didn't I?"
"(David) Yeah, and you went near the Playroom, didn't you?"
"(Hallie) No! I didn't! All I did was go downstairs to talk to Dr. Hoffman. I saw Daphne there, followed her out of the room, and out went the lights. The next thing I knew, you and I were doing The Twist just now."
"(David) Did Dr. Hoffman see Daphne?"
"(Hallie) No, she had her back turned. She was too busy studying old records."
"(David) 45's or 78's?"
"(Hallie) I think they were from 1833 1/3."

David, what are we going to do??"
"(David) What can we do except do what Daphne tells us?"
"(Hallie) But she doesn't tell us anything. She never speaks."
"(David) Yeah, but her actions speak volumes. Putting the clothes on our bed means she wants us to wear them. Maybe if we do what she wants, she'll let us keep being ourselves."
"(Hallie) That won't work! What she wants us to do is let Tad and Carrie live in our bodies!"
"(David) Yeah, but maybe if we cooperate, she'll let us be ourselves some of the time. It might even have its advantages."
"(Hallie) What do you mean advantages??"
"(David) I've got a big History test tomorrow that I'd just as soon let Tad take for me."

(Downstairs, Julia is still pouring over her books)
"(Julia) Whoops, I'd better get a paper towel for that."

(Julia answers the phone)
"(Julia) Hello? Collinwood Mansion. You send 'em, we end 'em."

"(Roxanne) Can I speak to Barnabas Collins, please?"
"(Julia) I'm sorry, he's not here right now."
"(Roxanne) Oh, well he was going to have me for dinner tonight."
"(Julia) (to herself) Good grief, he's making appointments now?"
"(Roxanne) Only I'm afraid I won't be able to make it."
"(Julia) (out loud) Well, don't worry, I'm sure Barnabas will be glad to have you for... TAKE you to dinner some other time."

"(Julia) Can I tell him who called?"
"(Roxanne) This is Roxanne Drew?"
"(Julia) Gasp! Really??"
"(Roxanne) You must have me confused with the other Roxanne. Mr. collins mentioned her to me."
"(Julia) Oh yes, yes. I had no idea he'd found a spare."
"(Roxanne) Did she really look just like me?"
"(Julia) Well, over the phone, she looked exactly like you."

"(Roxanne) Tell him I'm sorry for backing out."
"(Julia) I will. I'm sure he'll be very disappointed."
"(Roxanne) Well, he would have been disappointed no matter what... I just realized we never agreed on a place to meet."

(After Julia hangs up, Barnabas returns)
"(Barnabas) Ah, hello Julia. I'm only back for a moment. I've got to rush right back out to the library and hit the books. I'll probably be out late tonight looking for Rose Cottage."
"(Julia) Cut the bull, Barnabas. Roxanne just called."
"(Barnabas) D'oh!"

"(Barnabas) All right, so you know. I found Roxanne again. And I have a date with her tonight."
"(Julia) No you don't. She just called and cancelled out on you."
"(Barnabas) All right. How did you do it?"
"(Julia) How did I do what?"
"(Barnabas) Hypnotize her over the phone."
"(Julia) D'oh!"

"(Julia) I didn't hypnotize her! I haven't hypnotized any of your would-be girlfriends since Vicki."
"(Barnabas) Well, why did she cancel?"
"(Julia) She didn't say and I didn't want to know... I mean I didn't ask."
"(Barnabas) I'll bet it was Shaw's doing. He found out about it and put a stop to it."
"(Julia) Shaw? What does he have to do with it?"
"(Barnabas) She lives with him."
"(Julia) You mean they're.... shacking up?? Oh Barnabas, since I've been here, I've seen ghosts, witches and demons, but I never expected anything like this!"

"(Barnabas) Julia! You have not met her! She's exactly the same as the other Roxanne!"
"(Julia) Sure, she probably looks and sounds the same, but she is NOT the same person."
"(Barnabas) Julia, from the few times I've been with her, I know that's my Roxanne."
"(Julia) Barnabas, why do I always have to be the heartless Voice of Reason? The people in Parallel Time are NOT the same people as the people in Normal Time, they're different. Do you remember me in Parallel Time?"
"(Barnabas) Of course."
"(Julia) That other Julia was a nasty, cold, embittered hag."
"(Barnabas) I thought you said they were different."
"(Julia) D'oh!"

"(Julia) That was cold, Barnabas."
"(Barnabas) I'm sorry Julia, you're simply cherry picking your examples now. Okay, maybe Hoffman wasn't much like you. But how about Angelique? And Quentin? And Carolyn? And Maggie? And Elizabeth? And David and Amy? They were all pretty much EXACTLY like they are here. So this Roxanne could by my Roxanne."
"(Julia) Or she might not! You simply don't know this Roxanne!"
"(Barnabas) That's all right... If you really want to make a point of it, I really didn't know the other one either."

"(Julia) Only you would be proud of that."
"(Barnabas) I'm proud of it because I believe in True Love, Julia. When I first laid eyes on the other Roxanne, I knew I loved her, and she felt the same."
"(Julia) She was unconscious at the time."
"(Barnabas) All right, but she loved me shortly after she woke up. Julia, have I often been wrong when it comes to judging other people?"
"(Julia) Oh no, hardly ever! Except maybe the time you married Angelique without knowing she was a witch!"
"(Barnabas) You had to bring that up. But that was a long time ago. Haven't I generally been a good judge of people since you met me?"
"(Julia) Oh yes, most of the time..."
"(Barnabas) Thank you."
"(Julia) Except when you're thinking with your shorts."
"(Barnabas) D'oh!"

"(Barnabas) I say she's my Roxanne, Julia."
"(Julia) And I say she's probably not."
"(Barnabas) Well, I guess we'll see."
"(Julia) Guess we will."
"(Barnabas) That's right, we will."
"(Julia) I know it!"
"(Barnabas) So do I."
We're cutting away from this conversation now, but we'll be bringing you back the moment anything interesting happens.

(In David's Room)
"(David) I bet if we went to the Records Bureau, we'd find out that there really was a ship called the Java Queen."
"(Hallie) I bet if we went to the Records Bureau, that grumpy old clerk would tell us he didn't like a bunch of kids hanging around."
"(David) Yeah, okay. But there must have been a real Java Queen, because when you were Carrie, you said that I'd seen it in the harbor."
"(Hallie) You know, that could be! Didn't I hear a story once about a whole shipload of coffee being dumped into Collinsport Harbor during The War of 1812? Or am I thinking of something else"
"(David) That's right. The Collinsport Coffee Party, they called it."
"(Hallie) Why did they do that? Were they protesting taxation or something?"
"(David) No, it was the only way to make big enough cup of coffee to sober up the whole family after New Year's Eve."

"(Hallie) If we learned that there was a real Java Queen, what difference would it make?"
"(David) It could make a lot of difference. If we found out who owned it and what connection they had with the family, we might learn what's happening to us?"
"(Hallie) Oh David, wake up and smell the lilacs!"
"(David) Don't you mean wake up and smell the coffee?"
"(Hallie) No, lilacs. Daphne's coming."

(Daphne appears on the far end of the room)
"(David) I don't think I'm ever going to get undressed with the lights on again."


"(Hallie) We were just talking about the Java Queen."
(Daphne smiles)
"(David) There's so much you could tell us about it if you would. About the ship, and... some place called Rose Cottage."
"(Hallie) The grownups are looking for Rose Cottage. When I was Carrie, I thought that was very funny. Is it?"
(Daphne smiles and nods)
"(Hallie) Well, it's good to know that I'm funny when I'm possessed, even if I don't get my own jokes."


"(Hallie) Will we ever find out about Rose Cottage?"
(Daphne nods)
"(David) Will you show it to us now?"
(Daphne shakes her head, goes to David's bureau, and takes out a couple of clean sheets)
"(Hallie) What's she doing, David??"
"(David) I dunno."
"(Hallie) What would a ghost want with sheets?"
"(David) Well, there is an answer to that, but it would sound silly."

(Daphne starts going to the bed and starts replacing the dirty sheets with clean ones)
"(Hallie) David, look! She's taking care of us like she took care of Tad and Carrie. It's like we're going to become them!"
"(David) Well, don't panic. We haven't become them yet. In the meantime, it's almost like we've got two maids."
"(Hallie) Make that one. Mrs. Johnson's housekeeping speed compares unfavorably with a dead person."
"(Mrs. Johnson's Voice) I heard that!"

(Daphne disappears into the ether)
"(Hallie) (scared) David, she's gone!"
"(David) (more scared) She didn't finish the bed, either! I'll have to do it myself!"


(Meanwhile at Sebastian's Pad, Roxanne is brooding)
"(Roxanne) That Coffee should be done in another minute."
(Would You Believe Brewing?)

(Barnabas knocks on the door)
"(Roxanne) Oh! Didn't you get my message?"
"(Barnabas) No, Julia forgot to give it to me... D'oh!"

"(Barnabas) All right, I heard. I just came here to try to talk you out of it."
"(Roxanne) I'm sorry. You won't be able to."
"(Barnabas) Well, that's okay if you don't want to go out. We can stay here and you can make dinner."
(Roxanne gives him a look)
"(Barnabas) Oooh! I certainly hope I haven't just become a mind reader."

"(Barnabas) May I ask why you've suddenly cancelled out?"
"(Roxanne) I'd just forgotten something that I planned to do... Important Astrology business... The Lucky Charms people commissioned a study about the feasibility of changing their orange stars to purple."
"(Barnabas) Well, will you be free tomorrow night?"
"(Roxanne) Um..."
"(Barnabas) The night after that?"
"(Roxanne) Er..."
"(Barnabas) Well, when?"
"(Roxanne) Ahem."
"(Barnabas) Before 1995?"
"(Roxanne) You see..."
"(Barnabas) Okay, how about if we skip the wooing and just let me take your blood right now?"


"(Roxanne) Now, don't take it as an insult. It's just that I don't go out very much. I'm really not free to."
"(Barnabas) Don't tell me!.... Are you.... Sebastian's gallus domesticus?"
"(Roxanne) The word is "Chick"!"

"(Roxanne) I'm not his chick, exactly... It's just hard to explain."
"(Barnabas) Well, please try."
"(Roxanne) Did I say hard? I meant Impossible to explain."
"(Barnabas) Well, this has been the shortest romance in history."
"(Roxanne) I'm sorry. It just wouldn't work."
"(Barnabas) Now I wish I was still in Parallel Time. At least there donkeys flew four times a year!"


(In David's Room, Camera 3 goes out of focus David starts dreaming)


(David dreams of finding himself in a strange room with Hallie)
"(Hallie) Come on, David. We'll be late! I promised we'd be on time. It's very important!"
"(David) Where are we, Hallie?"
"(Hallie) We're at Rose Cottage, silly."
"(David) Rose Cottage! Oh boy!"
"(Hallie) We've been asked to a birthday party"
"(David) A birthday party!"
"(Hallie) With cake."
"(David) With cake!"
"(Hallie) And ice cream."
"(David) And ice cream!"
"(Hallie) And party games."
"(David) And party games!"
"(Hallie) Little Sir Echo, shut up, shut up!"

"(David) Who else is coming?"
"(Hallie) Oh, Ken and Barbie."
"(David) Ken and Barbie? I don't think I know them."
(They enter the dining room and see two mannequins seated at a table)
"(David) Oh, THEM!"
"(Hallie) I thought we could play a little Bridge while we wait for the Guest of Honor to arrive."
"(David) I won't bother asking who's dummy."

"(David) Who's the party for?"
"(Hallie) Gerard, of course."
"(David) Gerard? Who's he?"
"(Hallie) Oh, you know, silly."
"(David) If I knew half the things you think I know, I'd be Einstein."
"(Hallie) Did you bring a present?"
"(David) It must have slipped my mind. What did you get him?"
"(Hallie) I thought a human sacrifice would be most appropriate but that fellow at Spencer's Gifts didn't know how to wrap it."


"(David) Here's a place card."
"(Hallie) That's yours."
"(David) It's not mine, it says Tad."
"(Hallie) Don't ruin the party. Here, this one's mine."
"(David) It says Carrie."
"(Hallie) Oh, have some of the plastic cake. It's delicious."
"(David) Ken and Barbie here are serving us plastic cake?"
"(Hallie) And what's wrong with that, pray tell?"
"(David) I dunno, it just seems awfully close to cannibalism."


"(David) Can't we get out of here?"
"(Hallie) Of course not, silly. This is Gerard's party, and we'll cry if he wants us to."
"(David) David suddenly notices an enormously oversized Daphne peeking in at them through the window)
"(David) Why do I have the feeling I'm in a Bert I. Gordon movie all of a sudden?"

(Daphne begins laughing at David and Hallie)
"(David) Uh, Hallie? She's laughing at us."
"(Hallie) She's laughing at YOU, Tad. Don't drag me into this!"
"(David) Well, what's she laughing at, anyway? Is my fly open?"

(David wakes up in a cold sweat)
"(David) No doubt about it. We've either got to get the ghosts out of this place, or start buying rubber sheets!"

(David rushes to the West Wing and finds Hallie outside the Playroom)
"(David) Hallie!"
"(Hallie) David! What are you doing here?"
"(David) I had this dream!"
"(Hallie) About Rose Cottage?"
"(David) How did you know?"
"(Hallie) It was awful! I went to a birthday party and forgot to take a present!"
"(David) Was that the worst thing?? You don't remember a giant head at the window or anything?"
"(Hallie) Giant heads at the window won't keep you from being invited to future parties."

"(David) We've got to go in the Playroom."
"(Hallie) Why?"
"(David) It's the only way to find out what our dreams meant. I know it!"
"(Hallie) David, how could we have exactly the same dream?"
"(David) Well, maybe it wasn't exactly the same. In mine, Daphne was at the window."
"(Hallie) Same here. And Ken and Barbie served us plastic cake."
"(David) Check."
"(Hallie) Did they have plastic Lime Jell-O on the buffet table?"
"(David) I don't know, I didn't have time to check the whole menu!"

(David and Hallie enter the Playroom and find a large dollhouse on the center table)
"(Hallie) Gasp! Oh no"
"(David) We're too old to play with dolls!"
"(Hallie) Is that all it means to you??"
"(David) You're worried about being invited to parties, I'm worried about being cool!"

"(Hallie) David, look inside!"
(two dolls are seated at a table in a room that looks like the one in Hallie's dream)
"(David) Daphne wasn't a giant! We were shrunk!"
"(Hallie) Well, that clears up the mystery... Huh??"

"(Hallie) Is that what the dream meant?? That's our future? Playing Pinochle with Ken and Barbie?"
"(David) In my dream, it was Bridge. But what else can it mean? The plan is for us to go inside that dollhouse!"
"(Hallie) I'd better start my diet tomorrow."
(fade to black)

"(Bob Lloyd) Now that it's 1970, Barnabas finally arrives in the 60's."


"(Hallie) Stop the credits, I want to get off!"

"(Dan Curtis) Okay, Barnabas is out for the next 7 episodes. Somebody come up with a plausible explanation for why he'd disappear for so long with a crisis looming."
"(Bob Lloyd) Munsters Marathon."
"(Sam Hall) The Old House Bathroom is a Parallel Time Room and it takes him that long to get back."
"(Ken McEwen) Collinsport is near the Arctic Circle, and the daylight lasted extra long."
"(Kate Jackson) How about if we just ignore it and hope nobody notices?"
"(Dan Curtis) That's the best one yet."

"(Ken McEwen) Complaints with these credits are to be addressed to this man."

"(Bob Lloyd) Dan Curtis Productions, we'll leave the disco lights on for ya."

          Episode 1082:   David and Hallie find a dollhouse of Rose Cottage with dolls that look like themselves in 19th century clothes.