o/They did the Mash (They did the Monster Mash), the Mon-ster Mash.../o



Dark Shadows is Sponsored Today by the Letter T!


Maggie and Julia Enter a Three-Legged Race!


The Collinsport Players Do Rose-Marie!
"When I'm calling youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....."

Today on Dark Shadows...


Maggie Receives the Hickey of the Undead!


Hallie Gets Into the Cooking Sherry!


The Collinsport Players Do Crocodile Dundee!
"That's not a cross. THIS is a cross!"


Episode 1091

Starring Kathy Cody, Grayson Hall, Kathryn Leigh Scott, Jonathan Frid, David Henesy
Original Script By Joe Caldwell
Directed By Henry Kaplan
Caption Version by Graeme Cree

Read left to right, top to bottom


"My name is David Collins. I don't get to do these narrations very often, but most of the grownups are in bed now. Collinwood, in the year 1970, where the surrounding calm masks impending doom.... and pretty much always has."


"(David) Last time on Dark Shadows, Maggie Evans was bitten by a vampire."
"(Gene Autry) I'm back in the saddle again... Out where a friend is a friend..."


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(Maggie enters the house a bit woodenly)
"(Julia) Maggie. Do you know you've been gone almost an hour?"
(Maggie doesn't answer her)
"(Julia) Maggie, are you all right? You're not your bubbly, effusive self all of a sudden."
(Maggie doesn't answer her)
"(Julia) Did I say something wrong? Effusive isn't an insult, is it? (looks around for a dictionary)"


(Maggie collapses into Julia's arms)
"(Julia) Maggie, are you gaining weight? You're going to hit the Big 1-Double-0 before you know it."


(Julia discovers two puncture wounds on Maggie's neck)
"(Julia) Oh boy... Here we go again!"


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(Julia helps Maggie inside and to the couch)
"(Julia) What to do? Help her, or kill her and hide the body?"
"(Maggie) I was... walking in... the woods."
"(Julia) When you were attacked by an animal, right?"
"(Maggie) How did... you know?"
"(Maggie) Lucky guess."


(Julia deposits Maggie on the sofa)
"(Julia) Maggie? Maggie, can you hear me? Maggie, I've decided to help you."
"(Maggie) Pant, pant, gasp, wheeze. The woods!... the teeth!"
"(Julia) Shh, shh, shh! Don't try to talk. Not until I can find that hypnotizing medallion again."


Blank:
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"(Julia) Oh, I'm so stupid! I should have known this would happen! I should have known! You can't take the Barn out of the Bat, but you can't Bat out of the Barn."
"(Maggie) What do you mean.... YOU... should have... known? I thought I was the one with the secret here."


(In the Foyer, Hallie comes downstairs in her Dr. Hoffmans) *
* Most other kids wear Dr. Dentons.


(Hallie comes into the Drawing Room)
"(Hallie) Dr. Hoffman, I… "(Julia) Don't come in here!!!"
(Hallie spots Maggie, and freaks)
"(Hallie) What's happened to Maggie? What's wrong with her??"
"(Julia) Nothing, we just had an invigorating game of Scrabble, and she's exhausted, that's all."
"(Hallie) Then why is there a little trail of blood spots on the floor, leading in to here?"
"(Julia) Er, so she won't get lost. Like bread crumbs. Go away, Hallie. Isn't Gerard calling you or something??"


"(Hallie) There's something going on here!"
"(Julia) No, no, no. There is absolutely NOTHING going on here. Now, go to your room and don't come down until dawn."
"(Maggie) Oooooh!!!"
"(Hallie) There IS something going on!"
"(Julia) There is NOTHING going on! Is anything going on with you and David and the Playroom?"
"(Hallie) No."
"(Julia) Then there's nothing going on here either! Two can play that game!"
"(Hallie) Boy, am I tired of everybody treating me like a kid around here!
(angrily pops her gum at Julia and leaves)


"(Julia) Maggie. Maggie, try to put your arm up on my shoulder. And I'll take you upstairs."
"(Maggie) Ohhhh, Julia!! I feel like you look."
"(Julia) D'oh!"


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(At the Old House, Barnabas is reading)
"(Barnabas) People born under the sign of Cancer include Caption Writer Graeme Cree, Caption Picture-Maker Linda Cree, and Minnesota Twins Team "Caption" * Harmon Killebrew."
* Ouch!


(Barnabas suddenly notices a new gargoyle staring at him)
"(Barnabas) oh, Julia. You startled me."
"(Julia) Boy, are you something!"
"(Barnabas) Well, thank you... I think."
"(Julia) Boy, do you take the cake!"
"(Barnabas) Is something wrong?"
"(Julia) Boy, do you ever take the four layer, triple chocolate, double fudge with whipped cream on the top birthday cake, Barnabas!"
"(Barnabas) What on earth are you talking about?"
"(Julia) You're even wearing that red jacket to hide the blood stains!!"


"(Barnabas) Julia, are we on that new reality program, Sneaky Camera, or something? What's going on?"
"(Julia) The Collins family is about to be destroyed, and here you are scrounging for leftovers! Why won't you just admit it!?"
"(Barnabas) I am not admitting ANYTHING until I'm sure it's the same thing you're talking about! I'm not getting burned that way again!"


"(Barnabas) Julia, what ARE you talking about?"
"(Julia) You know what I'm talking about!"
"(Barnabas) I'm afraid I don't."
"(Julia) Don't insult me by making me tell you, Barnabas!"
"(Barnabas) Wouldn't it help if we both knew?"
"(Julia) Ooooh!!! It makes me FURIOUS when you play innocent like that!... Come to think of it, Is that the way I've sounded to the rest of the family all these years??"
"(Barnabas) Ahem..."


"(Julia) I'm not going to tell you until you admit that you already know!"
"(Barnabas) All right! Very well, Julia. If it will make you feel better, I know EXACTLY what you're talking about."
"(Julia) You're LYING!... No, wait."


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"(Barnabas) Let me take a stab in the dark. Has something happened to the children?"
"(Julia) Just tell me why you did it? We've been trying so hard to save Hallie and David from Gerard, now to do this to Maggie!"
"(Barnabas) All right. So we've established that we're talking about Maggie. What about Maggie? You're not still angry because I hugged her in the Drawing Room."
"(Julia) (icily, through clenched teeth) MAGGIE was bitten by bitten by a vampire, BAR...na...bas!"
"(Barnabas) Oh, my goodness! That sounds serious! Who could have... Wait. Wait a moment. You don't think I did it, do you???"
"(Julia) Oooh, what I couldn't give for a pair of brass... er, silver knuckles."


"(Barnabas) You think I did it? I? I?"
"(Julia) Aye!"
"(Barnabas) Well, I'm telling you I didn't do it! Do you still believe that I did?"
"(Julia) Aye!"
"(Barnabas) That hurts, Julia! That really hurts! All right, granted, in the past I may have tried to strangle you, and discredit you, and summon the ghost of Dr. Woodard to drive you insane, but I can't believe you think I'd lie to you!"


"(Julia) You can't get away with it, Barnabas! You can't possibly!"
"(Barnabas) Julia, are you sure? Absolutely sure that Maggie was attacked by a vampire?"
"(Julia) You think I don't know a vampire bite when I see one, after all this time?"
"(Barnabas) Yes, but you know, we're always telling the others that those bites are caused by an animal. Perhaps this time they really were."
"(Julia) An animal that could do that would have chewed up the rest of her, Barnabas."
"(Barnabas) Or maybe that other crazy story about tripping with a salad fork in her hand. It sounds crazi, but it COULD really happen!"


"(Julia) Barnabas, I know vampire bites, and I also know that you are the only one who could have made them!"
"(Barnabas) But I swear to you that I didn't! I'll prove it to you! Smell my breath!"
"(Julia) That only works for alcohol!"
"(Barnabas) No, it works for blood too! Seriously!"


"(Julia) You attacked Maggie while she was walking through the woods. Stop trying to deny it!"
"(Barnabas) Julia, the sun will be up soon. But I must convince you that I'm not lying! If I had done it, I would confess, and blame it on residual bloodlust caused by that anti-vampire elixir of yours during the Leviathan Story."
"(Julia) I wish I could believe that."
"(Barnabas) There MUST be others who have the same curse I do. How about Sebastian? He's new to the area."
"(Julia) No good. I've seen Sebastian in the daytime, Barnabas."
"(Barnabas) Yes, but he's a hippie!"
"(Julia) So?"
"(Barnabas) You know how rebellious and non-conformist they are! He's probably a vampire that goes around in the daytime just to buck the Establishment or something!... In fact, I think I've heard of vampires that do exactly that!"
"(Julia) You have not!!"


"(Rooster) Cock-a-doodle-doo!"
"(Barnabas) That's my alarm call. I've got to go now, Julia. Go to Maggie and take care of her."
"(Julia) All right."
"(Barnabas) Don't try to question her. She won't admit anything. And please don't mention my name to her."
"(Julia) Very well."
"(Barnabas) And please don't come here and stake me during the day."
"(Julia) I'll try."


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(In the Drawing Room)
"(Hallie) ...And she couldn't speak or walk or anything. It was awful."
"(David) So? Uncle Quentin gets that way every Friday night."
"(Hallie) D'oh!"


"(Hallie) This was different! She looked hurt."
"(David) And Dr. Hoffman wouldn't tell you what happened to Maggie?"
"(Hallie) I heard her tell Mrs. Stoddard, that Maggie was attacked in the woods by a wild animal, but I didn't buy it."
"(David) Why not?"
"(Hallie) Because her clothes weren't rumpled, or torn or anything."
"(David) So?"
"(Hallie) So, if she'd really been attacked by an animal, they would have been!... Heck, I just tried to give my cat a bath once, and came out looking like I'd been attacked by an animal in the woods."


"(David) What are you getting at?"
"(Hallie) I wonder if Maggie knows something about the Playroom and Daphne, and everything."
"(David) Why do you think that?"
"(Hallie) Maybe she found out something, and this was Gerard's way of punishing her for it."
"(David) I dunno. Gerard's punishments don't usually leave unsightly blood stains on the carpet."


"(Hallie) I wish we knew if it was Gerard."
"(David) I feel pretty sure that it's not. People being found with puncture wounds on their necks isn't exactly a new thing around here."
"(Hallie) What caused it other times that it happened?"
"(David) Well... They always said it was an animal those other times too. Come to think of it, there was a Wolf That Walks Like a Man (But Was Made For a Woman) roaming the estate for a long time. But when that Wolf attacked people, they didn't have puncture wounds on their neck."
"(Hallie) What did they look like afterwards?"
"(David) Like you probably did after you tried to give your cat that bath."


"(David) Look, I've got an idea. Why don't you go… go to Maggie and try to find out whatever you can."
"(Hallie) How?"
"(David) I don't know. Act blonde, or something."
"(Hallie) Tee hee!"
"(David) That's it!"


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"(Hallie) Okay, and what are you going to do while I act blonde for Maggie?"
"(David) Uh... I'll tell you later."
"(Hallie) David! You're not going to try to contact Gerard, are you?"
"(David) Why would I do that?"
"(Hallie) I don't know, I just have a feeling that you're thinking about it, to find out if he's responsible for Maggie."
"(David) I'm NOT going to try to contact Gerard. This is something completely different."
"(Hallie) (dubiously) All right... But I have a feeling that if I believe THAT, then I'm even blonder than I was trying to be."


"(David) (to himself) I know it's dangerous. I know we should stay away from him. But if it will help Maggie, I've got to do it, no matter how scared I am. I've got to try to make contact with Gerard."
"(Hallie's Voice) You're not thinking of making contact with Gerard, are you?"
"(David) I already told you No!!"


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(Later in Maggie's Room)
"(Hallie) ...If you pick at those things, they'll never heal, you know."
"(Maggie) Hallie, I'm trying to get some REST!"


"(Hallie) I'm sorry. Dr. Hoffman said I could visit you. I wanted to know how you're feeling."
"(Maggie) Like a cat on a hot tin roof. But I'll be all right."
"(Hallie) Is there anything you'd like me to do?"
"(Maggie) Yes, but if I told you they'd arrest me."


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"(Hallie) What do you mean?"
"(Maggie) I'm only kidding. Just keep up your lessons."
"(Hallie) We will. I promise."
"(Maggie) I slipped a Tennessee Williams reference past you a moment ago and you didn't even pick up on it. You must not have done your last assignment."
"(Hallie) Well, I was going to. But then I thought that you being laid up in bed was the same thing as a Snow Day."
"(Maggie) Speaking of Snow..."


"(Hallie) Are you mad at me?"
"(Maggie) No, of course not. You're a wonderful girl, Hallie."
"(Hallie) Am I?"
"(Maggie) Yes, of course you are."
"(Hallie) But… sometimes I do things I shouldn't."
"(Maggie) Well, I wouldn't like it if you were perfect."
"(Hallie) You wouldn't?"
"(Maggie) No, I'd be wondering what you were up to."


"(Hallie) But… what if I… I did something wrong? And someone was hurt by it?"
"(Maggie) I don't know what you're talking about."
"(Hallie) I mean... you're not sick... because of anything I did, are you?"
"(Maggie) Hallie, did you have a Jewish mother, or something? Of course I'm not sick because of you."
(Julia enters)
"(Julia) And how is our little patient feeling today?"
"(Hallie) (tearily) Guilty!! (rushes out)"


"(Julia) Huh. What's eating her? Well, how are you doing, Maggie?"
"(Maggie) Not nearly as sick as everyone seems to think."
"(Julia) Hey, who's the doctor here, anyway?"
"(Maggie) There's no need for you to be hovering around me all the time. Would you get those stupid crosses out of here, open the window, and then just LEAVE?"
"(Julia) And have Mrs. Johnson stop adding garlic to your food. Don't forget that."
"(Maggie) Oh, right. I didn't know about that one."


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"(Julia) I really should keep you under observation a little longer. You know, at lest until the bleeding has completely stopped."
"(Maggie) I've got governessing to do, Julia. I can't just lolligag around in bed."
"(Julia) If you get up too early, you could spring a leak again. I'll say with you. I have nothing else to do anyway."
"(Maggie) Oh, really? I thought you and Barnabas were working on stopping the big catastrophe that's going to destroy Collinwood."
"(Julia) Oh, we've already given up on that. We keep missing all the clues, anyway."


"(Julia) I thought you thought that saving Collinwood was important."
"(Maggie) I don't know. But things that once seemed terribly important don't seem so important now."
"(Julia) Like breathing in and out?"
"(Maggie) Yes... I mean NO! Of course not that."
"(Julia) Then what doesn't seem important any more?"
"(Maggie) Oh, you know. Like trying to tell Hallie to calm down when it never does any good."


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In the Playroom, David is staring at the spinning carousel)
"(David) I know I shouldn't summon you, Gerard. But won't you please appear to me? I have a question to ask you."
(David gets mental vibes from the carousel)
"(David) No, not about my homework!"


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(the carousel stops)
"(David) Someone's here! Gerard? Is that you, Gerard? I can feel a presence in this room!"
(a mouse runs up and down David's pant leg)
"(David) Oh."


(David turns suddenly around to see Hallie behind him)
"(David) Hallie!? What are you doing in that getup again?"
(the wind whistles through her ears)
"(David) Oh, Carrie. Sorry about that?"


(Carrie grins inanely at David)
"(David) Is that you, Carrie?"
(Carrie grins but doesn't speak)
"(David) Did Gerard send you?"
(Carrie grins but doesn't speak)
"(David) Can't you say something to me?"
"(Ghost of Carrie, blankly) Gamera is friend of children!"


"(David) I had a question to ask Gerard. But maybe you know the answer. Hallie and I were afraid that Maggie Evans found out about what's happening to us."
(Carrie grins but doesn't speak)
"(David) You see, she was attacked in the woods, and we were afraid that Gerard was punishing her."
(Carrie grins but doesn't speak)
"(David) Can you even hear what I'm saying?"
(Carrie nods her head)
RATTLE! RATTLE!
"(David) That explains a lot!"


"(David) I guess some ghosts keep more of their marbles than others."
RATTLE! RATTLE!
"(David) Is Gerard angry at us?"
(Carrie shakes her head)
RATTLE! RATTLE!
"(David) Wait a minute, that's the same sound... I've got it. How about one rattle for Yes, two rattles for No?"
RATTLE!


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"(David) We wouldn't want anything to happen to Miss Evans. Did Gerard do this to her?"
RATTLE! RATTLE!
"(David) Then Maggie doesn't know anything about what's happening to us?"
RATTLE! RATTLE!
"(David) Oh, good! That's what I was hoping you'd say!"
(Carrie grins, but doesn't speak)
"(David) Well, of course, I don't mean "Say", exactly..."


"(David) So it must have been an animal that attacked her, after all!"
RATTLE! RATTLE!
"(David) What do you mean, Rattle, Rattle? If it wasn't Gerard, and it wan't an animal, what was it?"
(Carrie grins, but doesn't speak)
"(David) Oh, sorry. I guess that's not the kind of question that can be answered with head rattling."
RATTLE!
"(David) I know, I know!"


"(David) Carrie, do you know what's going to happen to Hallie and me?"
RATTLE!
"(David) Since we can't do anything about it, will you tell us?"
RATTLE! RATTLE!
"(David) Oh boy, that's swell! Wait here while I go get Hallie! You will wait, won't you?"
RATTLE!
"(David) Thanks a million!"
(David rushes out just as Carrie starts to fade away)
"(David) D'oh!"


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(Downstairs, Barnabas and Julia are discussing the case)
"(Julia) It's definitely a vampire bite, Barnabas. All the symptoms are there. Decreased interest in breathing in and out. The desire to go on midnight walks in the woods. The weakness, the hostility."
"(Barnabas) The two puncture marks on the neck?"
"(Julia) Especially those."
"(Barnabas) You didn't say or hint to her in any way that I might have done it, did you?"
"(Julia) No, however I did call up Tony Peterson to make sure that he still has my diary ready to hand over to the District Attorney if I should disappear. Just in case you got the wrong idea about how I'd reacted to my suspicions, you see."
"(Barnabas) And does Peterson still have the diary?"
"(Julia) In a bank vault."
"(Barnabas) Nuts... Er, I mean nuts to the idea that you'd even need any protection from me!"


"(Julia) If I were going to betray you, I'd have already done it by now, Barnabas, and I didn't."
"(Barnabas) Isn't it possible then that deep, deep down, you knew that I didn't do it?"
"(Julia) No, I was positive that you had. In fact, I'm still not sure that you didn't."
"(Barnabas) What other vampires might be in the area?"
"(Julia) Well, let's see. Tom Jennings is dead. Angelique has been de-vamped. What about Megan Todd? Is it possible she's still around?"
"(Barnabas) Julia, before we went to Parallel Time, I sent Willie Loomis to Megan's coffin myself. He returned with his personal guarantee that he'd finished her off."
"(Julia) I see..."
"(Barnabas) But despite that, I'm sure she's gone."


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"(Julia) Look, if you know how unreliable Willie is, and you didn't see him do it, how can you be sure Willie destroyed Megan?"
"(Barnabas) Because Willie came back to the Old House that day with Megan's blood on his shirt."
"(Julia) Well, how can you be sure it was Megan's blood?"
"(Barnabas) By the smell, of course!"
"(Julia) The smell?"
"(Barnabas) And the taste!"
"(Julia) Barnabas, you've just reminded me why we don't talk "Shop" more often."


"(Barnabas) You still have doubts, don't you?"
"(Julia) I don't know."
"(Barnabas) Not knowing if you have doubts is having doubts!"
"(Julia) Okay, then yes."
"(Barnabas) Take me to Maggie. I'm certain that I can convince you that I didn't do it."
"(Julia) Sure, if you insist. Just have this first."
(whips a blood packet out of her purse)
"(Barnabas) What's this for?"
"(Julia) I don't want you to be hungry when you see her!"


(Barn drains the packet)
"(Julia) All right, let's go."
"(Barnabas) You know, in a way, I almost wish that I had done it."
"(Julia) I'll bet you do."
"(Barnabas) No, you know what I mean. That would be better than an unknown danger. At least if I had done it, we'd know what to do."
"(Julia) (still frostily) Yeah. Wait until dawn, and... (mimes a pounding motion)"


(Up in Maggie's Room)
"(David) Are you sure Hallie didn't tell you where she was going?"
"(Maggie) No, she just ran out of the room."
"(David) Well, if you see her, tell her I have to talk to her. It's very important."
"(Maggie) What do you have to talk to her about?"
"(David) Uh... I can't tell you."
"(Maggie) Another one of those, huh?"
"(David) No, no, it's nothing illegal... this time."


"(David) I wish there was something I could do for you, Maggie."
"(Maggie) Well, now that you mention it, you could read Chapters 13-16 of Michaelson, answer all the odd-numbered problems for those chapters, and have a book report on Gulliver's Travels ready for me to grade when I've recovered."
"(David) Hey, I'm trying to be nice to you, and you hit me with this?"
"(Maggie) No back talk, David. Just have that report on my desk by Monday."
"(David) Hmph, you may not have a desk on Monday!"


(Barnabas and Julia enter)
"(Julia) What are you doing here, David?"
"(David) I just came here to make Maggie feel better, and she made me feel worse!"
(David huffs out)
"(Barnabas) How curious. Do you have any idea what's eating him?"
"(Maggie) No, but I'd bet it's not the same thing that was eating me."


(Barnabas goes to the bed)
"(Barnabas) Maggie? How are you feeling?"
"(Maggie) Like I've been in the autograph line at a Dark Shadows Festival for the last 4 hours."
"(Julia) I should have mentioned. She's been delirious."


"(Maggie) I'd feel a whole lot better if people would leave me alone, and stop keeping watch over me."
"(Barnabas) Well, how would you feel if Julia left, and I stayed to keep watch over you for a while?"
"(Maggie) I don't want ANYBODY watching me, Barnabas. Why is that so hard for people to grasp?"
"(Barnabas) Maggie, Julia is really a very good doctor, and she knows what she's doing."
"(Maggie) That's a laugh. She pronounced me dead an hour ago."
"(Julia) That wasn't my fault! My watch had stopped!"


"(Barnabas) Um, Maggie. I'd just like to say something to you."
"(Maggie) Make it fast, then go."
"(Barnabas) What would you say if I ordered (emphasizes the word) you to tell Julia what happened to you in the woods?"
"(Maggie) I'd say you can take your orders and shove them where the sun..."
"(Barnabas) All right, that's fine! That's fine! I was just trying to make a point to Julia."


"(Julia) Er, Barnabas? A word with you, please."
"(Barnabas) Excuse me, Maggie."
"(Maggie) Don't hurry back!"
(Julia takes Barnabas out in the hallway)
"(Julia) Barnabas. It looks like it's time for a little mea culpa on my part. I know now that you didn't have anything to do with Maggie's attack. If you had, she'd never have been able to tell you off that way."
"(Barnabas) Thank goodness."
"(Julia) Giggle."
"(Barnabas) What's so funny?"
"(Julia) I'm just glad somebody finally did!"
"(Barnabas) D'oh!"


"(Barnabas) Did you see how hopeless she is? How lost? How the spark of life has gone out of her eyes?"
"(Julia) No, I don't really notice those things in women in the first place, so it's hard for me to tell when they're gone."
"(Barnabas) So this is what it's like. The agony I've inflicted on so many."
"(Julia) Now, let's not get all maudlin about it. You were bitten by a vampire once yourself."
"(Barnabas) If you're referring to Angelique two years ago, yes I was. But that was different. I mean, I wasn't as dour and humorless and joyless and depressing to be around when I was a vampire victim as Maggie is now, was I?"
(pause)
"(Julia) You're that way now!"
"(Barnabas) D'oh!"


"(Julia) Anyway, I'm sorry, Barnabas. I won't doubt you again."
"(Barnabas) Don't say that too quickly. Next time I might actually be guilty."
(Dogs howl)
"(Dogs) Woof, woof, woof, wooo-ooooo!"
"(Barnabas) Listen. That means He's out there somewhere."
"(Julia) Yes, Maggie is being summoned."
"(Barnabas) One of must guard her at all times."
"(Julia) Yes. I'll you what. I'll guard her at night, you guard her during the day."
"(Barnabas) Perfect... In that case..."
BOING!
"(Barnabas) Very funny, Julia! Very funny!..."


"(Barnabas) How about we take turns guarding her at night."
"(Julia) Okay, I'll take the first watch."
"(Barnabas) Stay with her. Don't leave her side."
"(Julia) Yeah, I know the drill."
"(Barnabas) Good, then I'll search the grounds. If he comes in, you know what to do."
"(Julia) Right, I have a cross."
(shows it to him)
"(Barnabas) Aaaaaarrgh! Don't DO that, Julia!"
"(Julia) Sorry about that, Chief."


"(Dogs) Woof, woof, woof, wooo-ooooo!"
"(Barnabas) Listen to them. How well I know that sound."
"(Julia) To think of you trying to keep Maggie from being summoned by a vampire. Talk about Man Bites... Well, you know."
"(Barnabas) The summons to Maggie is now the summons from someone else. I hereby swear, with all solemnity, on the graves of all my ancestors, that when I have found who as done this to her, I will drive the stake myself!"
"(Julia) Barnabas, you can't drive the stake yourself! When the other vampire is asleep, you will be too!"
"(Barnabas) Oh... yes, that's right. Confound you, Julia, you certainly know how to spoil a good speech!"


(As Julia goes back in Maggie's Room, she catches Maggie getting out of bed and putting on a robe)
"(Julia) Maggie! Maggie, you've got to lie quietly. You're weak, you've got to rest, Maggie!"
"(Maggie) Lay off! You don't rank me and you don't have pointed ears, so just get off my neck!"
"(Julia) Huh!?"
"(Maggie) Don't try to stop me, Julia! I'm not a child and I can go wherever I want!"
"(Julia) Maggie, as your doctor, I insist that you..."
(Maggie grabs a piece of bric-a-brac and wields it menacingly)
"(Julia) ...Er, that you have a good time. See you later."


Blank:
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(Maggie leaves her room and rushes down the hall with a wild-eyed look)
"(Maggie) Coffee, Tea or Me??"


Blank:
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(Julia follows at a distance)
"(Julia) (to herself) She's being summoned. She'll go to him. If I follow her, I'll know. That's right, Maggie! Lead me to who him!"
(whips out her cross)
"(Barnabas' Voice) JULIA!!"
"(Julia) Sorry! Sorry!"


Blank:
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"(Bob Lloyd) Shouldn't Maggie be getting her beauty sleep?"
"(Dan Curtis) If she gets any more beauty sleep, she's going to be Miss America."


"(Hallie) I told you there was something going on!"
"(Julia) Well, there isn't!"


"(Ken McEwen) That Ream guy was here for only three days, and nothing is where I left it."


"(J.J.) Dy-no-Mite!"


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          Episode 1091:   Convincing Julia he is not responsible, Barnabas vows to find the vampire who attacked Maggie.