Daphne Auditions For the Laura Collins Role!


Today in the new PBS Series, Naval Miniatures With James Dunnigan, the Mary Celeste wanders into the Bermuda Pentagram!


Barnabas Celebrates His Birthday!

Today on Dark Shadows...


Carolyn Becomes a Peeping Tom!


Barnabas Packs a Lunch!


Carolyn Bites Her Nails!


Episode 1101

Starring Jonathan Frid, Grayson Hall, Kathryn Leigh Scott, Nancy Barrett, James Storm, Kate Jackson
Original Script By Gordon Russell
Directed By Henry Kaplan
Caption Version by Graeme Cree

Read left to right, top to bottom


"(Carolyn) My name is Leticia Faye. Collinwood in 1970, a year in which the great house is destined for destruction unless Barnabas Collins and Julia Hoffman can find a way to prevent it. The two children in the house, David and Hallie, have already become possessed by the ghosts of two children who lived in the year 1840, while Barnabas and Julia stood by twiddling their thumbs idly."
"(Barnabas) Just narrate. Spare us the editorial."


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"(Carolyn) Last time on Dark Shadows, Gerard Stiles tried to burn a dollhouse... I know, it doesn't sound like much of a cliffhanger to me, either."


(At Rose Cottage, Gerard glues boards of the windows of the room Daphne is in shut, and sticks a lit candle inside the dollhouse)
"(Bob Lloyd) Psst! Voodoo doesn't work with dollhouses!"
"(Dan Curtis) Try telling HIM that!"


(In that same room in the real Rose Cottage, flames rise up)
"(Daphne) Sniff, sniff. Something smells good... Uh oh, it's ME!!"


"(Bob Lloyd) In the Playroom, Gerard puts his finger over the dollhouse door to prevent Daphne from escaping."
"(Ken McEwen) The whole back of the dollhouse is open! Can't she get out that way?"
"(Dan Curtis) It doesn't work that way!"


(Daphne finds herself trapped and surrounded by flames, with no one willing to lift a finger to help her) *
"(Daphne) Boy, this really burns me up!"
(fade to black)
* Gerard DID lift a finger, but it didn't help.


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"(Bob Lloyd) In Maggie's Room, Maggie is asleep in bed with a cross around her neck."
"(Ken McEwen) That's all well and good, but how do we know the vampire isn't Jewish?"
"(Dan Curtis) Shh!"


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(Meanwhile, Carolyn is keeping watch over Maggie, while reading a book)
"(Carolyn) (reading) People born under the sign of Pisces include Famous Overachiever Albert Einstein, Famous Overachiever George Washington, and Famous Underachiever Justin Bieber."


(Carolyn's spider sense starts tingling)
"(Carolyn) (to herself) Something is happening in this house. Something terrible! Someone is going to die! I mustn’t let that happen. I mustn’t."
(Carolyn rushes out of the room to answer The Call of Supernature, leaving unguarded the one person most likely to die)


(Back at Rose Cottage, Daphne is still in peril)
"(Daphne) He's got one FINGER over the door and I can't open it?? I need to start working out more."


(Daphne runs to the window and finds a board glued over it, preventing her escape) *
(Daphne starts to walk away, then stops short)
"(Daphne) Yep. "Glued to the window". That's really what it said!"
* This really isn't fair. The glue shouldn't be dried yet. And even if it was, the heat would melt it, especially if Gerard used Elmer's Glue. Or are we overthinking this?


"(Daphne) Gerard! Gerard, if you can hear me, please listen! Please don't make me die... again! Please, Gerard. I know you've got a hundred good reasons to do this, and no good reason not to, but if you'll..."
(pause)
"(Daphne) I wish I'd had a chance to rehearse this speech a little better."


(Back in the Playroom, Gerard still has a hand in it)


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(Carolyn storms into the Playroom)
"(Carolyn) Gerard! 'Ere now, just what do you think yer doin'?"
(Gerard removes his finger, and tries to look innocent) *
* He doesn't quite pull it off.


(At Rose Cottage, the flames vanish)
"(Daphne) Wow!... I wonder how I did that??"
(scoots out the door)


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(In the Playroom)
"(Carolyn) You were doing something to the doll’s house, weren’t you?"
(Not surprisingly, Gerard doesn't answer)
"(Carolyn) You were trying to destroy it!... With a candle, no less!? That's so stupid it's almost funny! (Giggle)"
(Gerard mouths a D'oh!)


"(Carolyn) Well, silly or not, I won't let you do that! This dollhouse isn’t yours to do with as you please. It belongs to Carrie! I gave it to her for her birthday. And she’s so devoted to it. I will not allow anything to happen to it. Why must you always be so cruel, Gerard?"
(Gerard gives Carolyn a "Oh please, you're not my mother" look)


"(Carolyn) Why do you never have any consideration for others, Gerard? Poor Carrie never did anything to you. Why would you hurt her?"
(Gerard mouths an answer, but it's anybody's guess what it was)
"(Carolyn) Or was it someone else you were trying to hurt? That's it, isn't it?"
(Gerard mimes a Zip-the-Lip motion, but with him it's kind of superfluous)


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"(Carolyn) Look at the mess you've made of this room! All the furniture is knocked over!"
(Gerard glares)
"(Carolyn) It'll take 10... maybe 20 seconds to replace it all!"
(Gerard mimes a Whoop-de-doo motion)


"(Carolyn) I am sick of you picking on the weak and helpless, Gerard! From now on, pick on someone your own size!"
(Gerard advances on Carolyn menacingly)
"(Carolyn) Not me! I'm six inches shorter!"


(As Carolyn scoots out the door, Gerard, foiled by his own zombie mind slave, mimes a "Curses, foiled again" look)


(Downstairs, the dogs are howling again as Julia returns)
"(Barnabas) Julia! You're the other vampire!"
"(Julia) D'oh!"


"(Julia) Don't be ridiculous! Of course I'm not the other vampire! I just happened to get back at the same time as the other vampire was nearby!"
"(Barnabas) Of course. Forgive me, my nerves are on edge. How did it go, getting the children to Wyndcliffe?"
"(Julia) Surprisingly well. The children gave us absolutely no trouble. I've got a bad feeling that my other patients are about to take a turn for the worse."
"(Barnabas) Oh, come now, Julia. What harm could they do in the nuthouse? Short-sheet somebody's straitjacket?"


"(Barnabas) That's most curious, in light of their recent behavior. They didn't argue or struggle, or try to escape?"
"(Julia) Not at all. I did have a little trouble with the Wyndcliffe staff, however."
"(Barnabas) What do you mean?"
"(Julia) They almost locked me up for impersonating a psychiatrist. I've got a feeling I haven't been in to work in far too long."


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(In Maggie's Room, the other vampire hovers outside her window in Bat's form, sending her telepathic messages)
"(Bat) Maggie... Maggie... Take off the cross you're wearing... And also, turn off the Bug Zapper out here!"


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(As Maggie gets up to admit her attacker, Barnabas and Julia enter)
"(Julia) Maggie! What are you doing out of bed??"
(the bat fweeps away)
"(Barnabas) We saw that! Who was that bat I saw you with tonight?"
"(Maggie) Do you two have any idea how ridiculous that sounds??"


(Barnabas opens the window, but the bat fweeps away)
"(Julia) Any sign of him, Barnabas?"
"(Barnabas) He flew away. Oh, but this is odd. I see his silhouette against the clouds in lights."
"(Julia) In lights??"
"(Barnabas) I'm sorry, my mistake. Commission Gordon is just summoning the caped crusader."


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"(Maggie) Let me go! Please! I'm late for an early grave!"
"(Barnabas) Maggie. Can you tell us who you want to see?"
"(Julia) Barnabas, she can't answer any questions now. She's in worse condition than she was last night."
"(Barnabas) That's impossible... Unless the vampire was in her room."
"(Julia) Maybe he was. The room was empty when we walked in."
"(Barnabas) Mrs. Johnson was supposed to be here guarding her!"
"(Julia) Oh dear, I just realized this is our fault, Barnabas."
"(Barnabas) Our fault?? What do you mean??"
"(Julia) Don't you see? Mrs. Johnson isn't in this episode. So, she can only guard the room as long as she does it offscreen! The minute we walked in, it was onscreen, and she couldn't be here! Do you understand?"
"(Barnabas) No."
"(Julia) D'oh!"


"(Maggie) Please! I’ve got to go! I must obey!"
"(Barnabas) Obey who! Where do you have to go?"
"(Julia) Barnabas, you know she won't be able to tell you that any more than your victims were able to finger you."
"(Maggie) What do you mean... his victims?"
"(Julia) Sorry about that, Barnabas. My bad. Maggie, watch the swinging medallion. See how it sparkles..."


(Later Julia goes down to the Drawing Room to get a fresh bottle of blood for Maggie)
"(Julia) Hmm, the only thing left is Type O, and Maggie is Type A... Oh well, this is no time for brand loyalty."


(As Julia goes back to the Foyer, she meets Carolyn coming downstairs)
"(Julia) Carolyn! You were supposed to be guarding Maggie. When we went in, we found her alone!"
"(Carolyn) Oh... Well, there was something urgent I had to do upstairs."
"(Julia) Nothing is more urgent than keeping Maggie out of danger."
"(Carolyn) Maybe not, but it would have been if I hadn't gotten to the bathroom in time!"


"(Julia) But Maggie..."
"(Carolyn) She's not in as much danger as you think. I feel that she's going to be all right. Now, I must be going. Please excuse me."
"(Julia) Oh? Where are you going?"
"(Carolyn) To Rose Cottage."
"(Julia) Rose Cottage???"
"(Carolyn) Uh... Did I say Rose Cottage? Sorry, I meant to the Rose Bowl."
"(Julia) But the Rose Bowl isn't for four months."
"(Carolyn) I want to be first in line for tickets."


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"(Julia) You didn't say Rose Bowl, you said Rose Cottage!"
"(Carolyn) Well, what if I did? Going there isn't a crime."
"(Julia) I know, but why have you always claimed you didn't know what Rose Cottage was?"
"(Carolyn) I said that?? Wow, I must have temporarily flipped out, or something. (cackles insanely) Please let me know if you see me slipping again."


"(Julia) Well, if you know about it now, maybe you can tell me about it."
"(Carolyn) What do you want to know?"
"(Julia) Well, first of all, who lives there?"
"(Carolyn) Now you know that as well as I do, Julia!"
"(Julia) I'm asking you questions for you to tell me the answers, not to tell me I already know!"
"(Carolyn) You know that NO ONE has lived there since she died."
"(Julia) Since who died?"
"(Carolyn) Use your head for something besides a hat rack, Julia. What woman can you think of who's died recently?"
"(Julia) You in a couple of minutes if you don't start giving me some answers!"


"(Carolyn) Why are you suddenly so curious about Rose Cottage?"
"(Julia) Well... I guess I'm not, if you really don't want to discuss it. Erm... say, will you be passing the front gate on your way out?"
"(Carolyn) Certainly."
"(Julia) I wonder if you'd do me a favor and drop a letter in the box for me. Just give me a moment to go up and get it."
"(Carolyn) A letter to Wyndcliffe?"
"(Julia) No, to Publisher's Clearing House. They say I may already be a winner."


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"(Carolyn) I'm really in a hurry, Julia."
"(Julia) Oh, it won't take a minute! Please. Just let me go upstairs and get the letter."
"(Carolyn) But why can't you take it to the mailbox yourself?"
"(Julia) Are you kidding? With a vampire on the prowl out there? I'd rather have it taken by someone expendable."
"(Carolyn) Oh, well that makes sense."


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(Julia goes upstairs)
"(Carolyn) Wait a minute. What does "expendable" mean? I just heard "spend" and assumed it was something good."


(Up in Maggie's Room)
"(Barnabas) Maggie, look at me."
"(Maggie) I don't wanna."
"(Barnabas) All right, you don't have to, but please try to tell me who you were trying to see when Julia and I came into the room earlier."
"(Maggie) Sigh, I can't tell you who it was! You can't betray someone if you're in their power. It's obvious that you don't know much about vampires, Barnabas."
"(Barnabas) (to himself) D'oh! This is the final insult!"


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(Julia enters)
"(Julia) Barnabas, I’ve got to talk to you! It’s urgent!"
"(Barnabas) What's wrong?"
(Carolyn puts a piece of blank paper into an envelope and starts to seal and address it)
"(Julia) I need you to do something for me while I give Maggie another transfusion."
"(Barnabas) Transfusion? But you said you were out of blood."
"(Julia) I am. I had to take the last bottle out of your private stock."
"(Barnabas) Oh Julia, you KNOW I was saving that for the fights tonight!"


"(Julia) Never mind that. Carolyn’s about to go to Rose Cottage."
"(Barnabas) Rose Cottage! Where is it??"
"(Julia) She wouldn't say, but she's going there. I asked her to wait so she could take a letter to the mailbox for me. That'll give you a chance to follow her, while I give Maggie another transfusion."
(seals the envelope and hands it to him)
"(Julia) There. You follow her while I stay and attend to Maggie."
"(Barnabas) Well... couldn't I give Maggie the transfusion while you follow Carolyn?"
"(Julia) You give her the transfusion? Ha! That would be like trusting a monkey with the bananas."


(Barnabas leaves)
"(Julia) And how are we doing today, Maggie?"
"(Maggie) You, I don't know about. I'm doing lousy."
"(Julia) Well, you must do exactly as I say. Take one of these red pills and one of these white pills now, and then again at dinnertime."
"(Maggie) Two pills? What's the red one for?"
"(Julia) It's to restore your hemoglobin count."
"(Maggie) Well, what's the white one for?"
"(Julia) Just in case the red one is poison."


(Barnabas goes out to the front porch)
"(Barnabas) Here's the letter Julia wanted you to mail. You just stick it in the box, and..."
"(Carolyn) Yes, I know how a mailbox works, Barnabas. Why did she send you down?"
"(Barnabas) Oh well, she's busy giving Maggie another transfusion. You know how it is."
"(Carolyn) Oh, certainly. Maggie doesn't want to be out of candy when the Trick or Treaters come by."
"(Barnabas) Well, something like that."


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"(Bob Lloyd) After Carolyn leaves, Barnabas quickly morphs into a bat and follows after her."
(pause)
"(Bob Lloyd) Er, that is, he's going to do it any time NOW!"
"(Barnabas) Well, get the cameras off me so I can do it! Those special effects don't grow on trees, you know!"


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(Up in Maggie's Room, her IV is hooked up, but the dogs begin howling again)
"(Maggie) Let me up! I've got to get out of here!"
"(Julia) Back in bed, bucko! My patients don't turn themselves into vampire take-out!"
"(Maggie) It's not that! I've got to go NOW!"


(Carolyn sneaks into Rose Cottage, and lights a single candle rather than cursing the darkness)
"(Carolyn) Maybe. But I'm still keeping that whole cursing the darkness option in reserve!"


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(Carolyn looks around)
"(Carolyn) Daphne? Daphne, are you here? Please answer me!"
(Barnabas enters)
"(Carolyn) Barnabas! You followed me here, you sneak!"
"(Barnabas) What, me? No! I come here to Rose Cottage all the time!"
"(Carolyn) How'd you know where it was, then?"
"(Barnabas) Julia told me... You know, I bet SHE's the one who followed you... some other time." *
* He can not only turn into a bat, but also into other things that rhyme with bat.


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"(Barnabas) I shall certainly give Julia a good talking-to when next I see her. But er, who were you talking to when I came in?"
"(Carolyn) Nobody! You can see we're alone here. Besides, if you were just outside the door, you should have been able to hear whose name I called out."
"(Barnabas) You'd think so, but the acoustics of television are a science unto themselves."


"(Barnabas) As long as we're here, what do you know about this fascinating house?"
"(Carolyn) I don't know why you and Julia are so fascinated BY this fascinating house."
"(Barnabas) I've told you before. One of the events that is to happen before the disaster that destroys Collinwood is The Destruction of Rose Cottage."
"(Carolyn) So?"
"(Barnabas) So I thought perhaps that if we could prevent Rose Cottage from being destroyed, it would... um, somehow... prevent Collinwood from being destroyed."
"(Carolyn) How?"
"(Barnabas) I don't know! They're your clues! I assumed they were useful."
"(Carolyn) What state of mind was I in when I wrote them?"
"(Barnabas) Oh.... Oh yeah..."


"(Barnabas) Can't you tell me even a little about this place? Like, why is a mansion called Rose Cottage? That's not too much to ask, is it?"
"(Carolyn) Oh, that happened a long time ago. When Carrie was just in nursery school."
"(Barnabas) (toadying) It sounds fascinating!"
"(Carolyn) You see, when Millicent Collins died, everyone said she'd gone to Rose Cottage. That's a euphemism for "kicked the bucket", you know."
"(Barnabas) I know."
"(Carolyn) But Carrie loved the name so much that she wanted a doll house named Rose Cottage. We couldn't bear to tell her what the phrase really meant, so we got her one."
"(Barnabas) Isn't that a little creepy?"
"(Carolyn) Not as creepy as what Tad wanted. He wanted a Marie Antoinette doll, complete with guillotine. Isn't that bizarre?"
"(Barnabas) Yes, imagine a boy playing with something like that."


"(Barnabas) But where did you find a doll house that looked just like this house?"
"(Carolyn) We didn't find it, we made it."
"(Barnabas) You made it?"
"(Carolyn) Well, Quentin did, anyway. He's very good with his hands. Didn't you know that?"
"(Barnabas) I had heard that from some of the doxies I'd fanged, but I guess I thought they were talking about something else."


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"(Barnabas) So, I'm confused. Is Rose Cottage the doll house, or is it this place?"
"(Carolyn) Both! Quentin built Carrie a replica of this house, and she went ahead and named it Rose Cottage, not realizing that it wasn't a cottage at all."
"(Barnabas) I see."
"(Carolyn) And so after that, everyone started call the real house Rose Cottage too, to emphasize how stupid the whole thing was."
"(Barnabas) Goodness, is that the time?"


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(Back in Maggie's Room, Julia takes her pulse)
"(Julia) I don't get it. It shows you're dead, and my watch IS running this time."
(pause)
"(Julia) Oh, I see, I took my own pulse. What a relief... Wait a minute..."


(Barnabas enters)
"(Julia) Well, how did it go?"
"(Barnabas) Excellent. I came. I saw Rose Cottage. I conquered."
"(Julia) So, what is it?"
"(Barnabas) The Old McGruder Place."
"(Julia) The McGruder Place?? That's not a cottage!"
"(Barnabas) Yes, well Rhode Island isn't an island, either. Life isn't always fair."


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"(Barnabas) Apparently Carrie give the place its name, and you know how kids are."
"(Julia) Always confusing mansions with cottages."
"(Barnabas) Right."
"(Dogs) Woof, woof, woof, wooooooww!"
"(Barnabas) Speaking of that, how's Maggie doing?"
"(Julia) Not good. If she takes another bite before I fill her up again, she's a goner."
"(Barnabas) I see."
"(Julia) And then she'd turn into a vampire herself, and the two of you could be together like you'd always wanted."
"(Barnabas) You want me to take the first turn guarding her?"
"(Julia) In a pig's eye!"


"(Barnabas) Well, if you won't let me guard her, I'm going to go out and scout the grounds. Perhaps if the vampire approaches, I'll be able to find out who he is."
"(Julia) All right, just make sure he doesn't try to bite YOU. That would be hard to explain. Come to think of it, I've always wondered. What happens if a vampire bites another vampire?"
"(Barnabas) The stronger willed one gains control of the weaker one."
"(Julia) I see."
"(Barnabas) If equal they go to Sudden Death."


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"My name is Leticia Faye. Night comes to the Great Estate of Collinwood..."
"(Bob Lloyd) Not yet! Not yet!"
"(Dan Curtis) I've told you before, don't use that shot in the middle of the show!"


(Later that night, Julia is reading)
"(Julia) People born under the sign of Virgo include Pop Singer Michael Jackson, Pop Singer Freddie Mercury, and Mom Singer Cass Elliott."


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(Julia starts to feel drowsy as a sinister figure appears in the shadows) *
* Probably supposed to be the vampire, but who looks more like Zorro.


"(Julia) Why do I feel so drowsy all of a sudden?? I haven't felt this way this early in the night, since Vicki was here telling her Foundling Home Stories..."


"(Julia) I must keep awake. I must keep awake. I... Zzzzzzzzz...."
(Julia conks out, exposing her neck) *
* Adding insult to injury, the vampire walks around bypasses this fresh bucket of blood in favor of the half empty Maggie.


(Seeing the vampire, Maggie sits up in bed, takes off the cross and tosses it across the room) *
(fade to black)
* You'd think they'd have padlocked it around her neck by this time.


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"(Ken McEwen) Barnabas' Bangs by Mr. Goodwrench of Hollywood..."


"(Bob Lloyd) Author of the hit comic strip, Blohm County."


"(Ken McEwen) Neither of these two understand a word the other one says."


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"(Bob Lloyd) Dan Curtis Productions, we'll leave the candles on for ya."


          Episode 1101:   Possessed by the psychic Leticia Faye, Carolyn senses danger and stops Gerard from burning Rose Cottage.