Ever wonder what some of the Dark Shadows characters did after the series?

Willie Becomes a Jedi Knight!

Barnabas and Julia Go Water Ballooning!

Carolyn and Willie Do a TV Commercial!
"Hey! Leggo my Eggo!"

Today on Dark Shadows...

Julia Breaks Her Mother's Back!

Maggie Becomes a Cover Ghoul!

Somebody On This Show Actually Eats Something!

Episode 1105

Starring Grayson Hall, Jonathan Frid, Nancy Barrett, Kathryn Leigh Scott, John Karlen
Original Script By Gordon Russell
Directed By Lela Swift
Caption Version by Graeme Cree

Read left to right, top to bottom

"My name is either Carolyn Stoddard or Leticia Faye (at this point it's kind of ambiguous). Collinwood, in either the Present Time (if I'm Carolyn), or the Future (if I'm Leticia). Sorry, this is starting to get a bit convoluted. Let me start over."

(Downstairs, Julia and Barnabas enter Collinwood)
"(Julia) Tell you what. Let's go upstairs to check on Maggie, and then we can go to the Old House to check on Daphne."
"(Barnabas) Daphne? She hasn't been attacked yet."
"(Julia) I know, but if YOU were a vampire, wouldn't she be on your list?"
"(Barnabas) IF I were a vampire?"
"(Julia) Sorry about that, Barnabas."

(Upstairs, hearing the call of the vampire, Maggie gets out of bed for what may be the final bloodletting she can take)
"(Maggie) I don't mind being somebody's dinner, but I'm starting to resent having to be my own delivery boy."

(Before leaving, Maggie dutifully puts on a wrap, in order that she not catch cold on the way to her own execution)

(Moments later, Julia and Barnabas burst into Maggie's room)
"(Julia) Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
"(Barnabas) You always say that when we burst into a room, Julia!! What does it MEAN??"

"(Barnabas) Look! Maggie's gone!"
"(Julia) But Mrs. Johnson isn't! Look!"
"(Barnabas) How can you tell who that is? She's hidden behind a chair?"
"(Julia) I know, but I'd recognize those support hose anywhere."

(Meanwhile in the North Woods, Maggie rendezvous' with The Other Vampire)
"(Maggie) We've got to stop meeting like this."
(fade to black)


"(Dan Curtis) What are you doing in those support hose?"
"(Bob Lloyd) With Clarice Blackburn out today, SOMEBODY had to double as Mrs. Johnson's body."

(Back in Maggie's Room)
"(Barnabas) Maggie!"
"(Julia) What are you doing calling, Barnabas? She won't answer you."
"(Barnabas) I know but I was hoping she'd try to fool us by saying that she wasn't there, and inadvertently give away her position."
"(Julia) Don't be ridiculous. That kind of thing only works with Willie."


"(Barnabas) I'll go search for Maggie. How’s Mrs. Johnson?"
"(Julia) She's got a knot on the back of her head the size of a walnut. If it's a concussion, she could be out for the season."
"(Barnabas) Well, we've got to have somebody to clean up the mess in here... You know, YOU served as a maid in Parallel Time. Any chance you could don the old uniform once more and pick up in here?"
"(Julia) Don't be silly, Barnabas. Yes, I worked as a maid when I was impersonating Hoffman, but I was never any good at it. I was the World's Worst Housekeeper."
"(Barnabas) That's right, you'd be the perfect replacement for Mrs. Johnson."
"(Julia) Good point.

"(Julia) The question is how did Maggie get out of here? The door and window were locked from the inside."
"(Barnabas) The Secret Passage!"
"(Julia) The Secret Passage?"
"(Barnabas) Yes, there's one behind this panel..."
(opens it)
"(Barnabas) ...That leads to a tunnel that goes down to the beach."
"(Julia) Interesting. How did you know about this?"
"(Barnabas) She used it to escape from me once. Er, that is... heh, heh..."

(Barnabas enters)
"(Julia) Any luck?"
"(Barnabas) Yes. Yes, I see the tunnel. I'll follow it while you take care of Mrs. Johnson."
"(Julia) Right."
(closes the panel)
"(Barnabas'Voice) Would you mind opening the panel again, Julia? I could do with a little light in here."


(After giving Mrs. Johnson a sedative and sending her to bed, Julia comes downstairs)
"(Julia) What's that??"
(Julia hear's Carolyn's voice from the Drawing Room)
"(Carolyn's Voice) Hailing frequencies open, Captain!"
"(Julia) Either she's gone crazi, or she's moonlighting on another show."


(Carolyn bursts into the Drawing Room) *
"(Julia) Carolyn!? What are you doing in here??"
"(Carolyn) 'Oo's Carolyn, luv?"
"(Julia) Oh, hi Leticia."
* Foregoing the Spanish Inquisition riff this time.


"(Julia) 'Ooo... I mean who were you talking to just now?"
"(Carolyn) No one, luv."
"(Julia) I heard you. "(Carolyn) You must have imagined it!"
"(Julia) Imagined what?"
"(Carolyn) That you heard voices in here just now."
"(Julia) I never said that, you must have imagined it."
"(Carolyn) D'oh!"

"(Julia) I'm getting wise to you, Leticia. I know your tricks."
"(Carolyn) I don't know WHAT you're talking about."
"(Julia) I don't know what you're talking about either. What do you mean you don't know what I'm talking about?"
"(Carolyn) Boy, you are good... I'd say I'd created a monster if you hadn't been one already."
"(Julia) D'oh!"


"(Julia) As fun as this good-natured sparring is, are you ready to answer my questions yet?"
"(Carolyn) What question?"
"(Julia) Who you were talking to. It was Gerard, wasn't it?"
"(Carolyn) I don't even know any Gerard! But I'd like to ask YOU a question if you don't mind! Why didn't you..."
"(Julia) I don't have any idea what you're talking about!"
"(Carolyn) Wait for the question, willya??"

"(Julia) All right, what's your question? I can play nice."
"(Carolyn) All right. Exactly why didn’t you the family that the Devil Tots are missing?"
"(Julia) Er... Well, I was going to, but I thought I should phone the Police first."
"(Carolyn) That waren't really your decision to make, luv."
"(Julia) Au contraire, my dear. It was MY sanitarium they escaped from. I'm the one who has to bear the Insurance Liability. I'm the one whose reputation suffers."
"(Julia) Well, that's true."
"(Julia) I'm the one who loses out on the Loony Bin of the Year Award if we have even three more escapes!"


"(Julia) Hey, wait a minute! How did you know that the children were missing?"
"(Carolyn) None of yer beeswax, Luv."
"(Julia) A little bird told you, didn't he? And by "Bird", I mean Gerard."
"(Carolyn) You’re not making any sense at all. Who is this "Gerard" you keep blaming everything on?? And why do you keep acting like something terrible is going to happen??"
"(Julia) Will you look around you? You're possessed, David and Hallie are lost in the woods, Mrs. Johnson has a concussion, and Maggie is about three quarts low!"
"(Carolyn) There, like I said! Everything's perfectly normal!"

"(Julia) Carolyn, listen to me. Something terrible is about to happen here. You know about it. And can prevent it! Now, what has Gerard told you about it??"
"(Carolyn) I don’t know this Gerard you keep talking about."
"(Julia) You do, you’ve seen him! He is responsible for the way you’re behaving now!"
"(Carolyn) I refuse to listen to you any more!"
"(Julia) Any more??"
"(Carolyn) D'oh!"

"(Julia) You haven't listened to a word I've said, just shrugged it all off."
"(Carolyn) Never mind that now, just tell me where the children have skived off to!"
"(Julia) The children? I don't know where they are."
"(Carolyn) Oh, yes you do. And you’ll tell me, luv! Because if you don’t, I won’t help you and Barnabas find Maggie."
"(Julia) You know where Maggie is?"
"(Carolyn) I might be able to find out."
"(Julia) Then you've got to tell me!"
"(Carolyn) Ah, ah! Maggie for the children."
"(Julia) How about if you tell me where Maggie is, and I tell you nothing in return? That's the kind of deal I usually work out with Professor Stokes."

"(Carolyn) Not a word until I get the children."
"(Julia) Ha! You don't know where Maggie is."
"(Carolyn) I do so! I've got second sight!"
"(Julia) Then if you have second sight, how come you don't know where the children are?"
"(Carolyn) I tried use me powers to find them. All I got was Reply Hazy, Ask Again Later."

"(Julia) You'll probably fail with Maggie too."
"(Carolyn) No, I won't, smarty! Because I've already succeeded! I had a vision of her!"
"(Julia) Then you've got to tell."
"(Carolyn) But I can't! I can't!"
"(Julia) Come on, the whole fun of having a secret is blabbing it to everybody!"
"(Carolyn) That may have been true when I was a dopey teenager, but I'm in my 20's now!"
"(Julia) Well, blab it anyway! It'll be good practice for if you ever join Mrs. Johnson's Bridge Club!"

(At the Old House, Barnabas calls upstairs)
"(Barnabas) Willie! Willie, get it down here right now!"
"(Willie) Comin', Barnabas!"
(Willie bumbles downstairs)
"(Willie) Oh, I'm sorry. I made ya drop yer cane."
"(Barnabas) Don't worry about that now."
"(Willie) No worry, I'll get it."

"(Barnabas) Willie, will you hold still and listen to me? Now, where is Daphne?"
"(Willie) Up in her room reading a book."
"(Barnabas) Good..."
"(Willie) She's got the cutest look on her face as she reads. And when she turns a page, she wets her finger sensuously and almost caresses each page between her fingers as she turns it. And then when she..."
"(Barnabas) Willie, if she's in her room alone, how do you know all this???"
"(Willie) One of the portrait in her room has eyeholes in it."
"(Barnabas) D'oh!"

"(Barnabas) Never mind that now, just lock Daphne in her room and help me search the woods for Maggie."
"(Willie) What's happened to Maggie??"
"(Barnabas) She was lured away by the Vampire! Now, there's no time to explain!"
"(Willie) Well, I thought somebody was supposed to be guarding her!"
"(Barnabas) I'm telling you, there's no time for explanations!"
"(Willie) But if Maggie is out there in the woods, then The Other Vampire will get her!"
"(Barnabas) I know..."
"(Willie) And she's low on blood now! Another attack might finish her!"
"(Barnabas) I know, but..."
"(Willie) And nobody knows who The Other Vampire is, so after he attacks Maggie, there's no telling who he might go after next!"
"(Barnabas) Will you STOP telling me things I already know and go hunt for Maggie???"
"(Willie) Owie, owie, ow!!"

(In the Drawing Room)
"(Carolyn) I wanna dance wif yooooo, wanna dance your cares awayyyyyyyy! I'll do the hoochie-coooooo, and the ta-ra-boom-de-ayyyyyyyy."*
* Copies of this recording are on sale in the lobby. Small hammers are available for an extra charge.

(Willie enters the house and sees Carolyn giggling and singing)
"(Willie) Hey, what's goin' on? Somebody stranglin' a cat in here?"


"(Carolyn) Oh. Willie. You gave me a start."
"(Willie) What are you laughing about?"
"(Carolyn) I just can’t help being amused! "(Willie) Amused? Ain’t you heard what happened?"
"(Carolyn) What?"
"(Willie) Maggie Evans has disappeared into the woods!"
"(Carolyn) Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
"(Willie) What's so funny about that??"
"(Carolyn) I don't know, I guess it's just the way you tell it."

"(Carolyn) I guess the really funny thing is that for once I know more than Barnabas and Julia do about something."
"(Willie) What do you know??"
"(Carolyn) Wouldn't you like to know!!"
"(Willie) Yeah, of course I would. That's why I asked. Now, if you know something about Maggie, you're gonna tell me, ya hear??"
"(Carolyn) Why should I help you?? Who died and made you King?"
"(Willie) Barnabas!"
"(Carolyn) That was a rhetorical question, Willie."
"(Willie) Not around here it ain't!"


"(Willie) Do you know where Maggie is or don't ya?"
"(Carolyn) I do, but why should I help you or anyone else find Maggie Evans?"
"(Willie) Cause she's yer friend, that's why!"
"(Carolyn) She never did belong in this house. A hash-slinging waitress who got pressed into service only because Vicki went back into the past. Why, Maggie couldn't carry Vicki's water!"
"(Willie) Actually, back at the Coffee Shoppe, she usually did."
"(Carolyn) D'oh!"


"(Carolyn) Barnabas doesn't belong here either, you know."
"(Willie) Oh, and I suppose Leticia Faye knows whether or not a Collins belongs at Collinwood? I don't know why I'm listenin' to ya! You got a screw loose! Yer crazi!"
"(Carolyn) Oh boy, do I hate hearing that from Barnabas Collins' gopher! Do you know what you are, Willie Loomis? You're Stupid! Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!"
"(Willie) Oh yeah?? Well, I may be stupid, but I ain't lost!"
"(Carolyn) What's... that supposed to mean?"
"(Willie) I dunno, but I heard that in a joke once, and it was funny then."

"(Willie) I don’t even know why I’m here listening to ya?"
"(Carolyn) And I don't know why Barnabas sent you to find Maggie Evans! You couldn't find your head with both hands."
"(Willie) You keep callin' me stupid and it won't be the smartest thing YOU ever did, sister!"
"(Carolyn) Oh no? Well, I can prove it!"
"(Willie) Prove ya know where Maggie Evans is?"
"(Carolyn) No, prove you're stupid, Stupid!"
"(Willie) Okay, go ahead and prove it!"
"(Carolyn) All right..."
(picks up a newspaper)
"(Carolyn) what do you think about the new Trade Bill?"
"(Willie) I think that if we owe it, we oughta pay it!"


"(Carolyn) Should I keep going?"
"(Willie) Okay, well just cause I don't know a lot of politics don't prove I ain't smart!"
"(Carolyn) All right. All right, I'll give you something that will really tax your intelligence."
"(Willie) I SAID no politics!!"

"(Carolyn) Not that kind of tax, Willie! I'll tell you what. If you really want to find Maggie Evans, I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll play a little game with you."
"(Willie) I ain’t got no time for games!!"
"(Carolyn) Not even with Maggie as the prize?"
"(Willie) All right, let's play a game."
"(Carolyn) I'm going to ask you a riddle. If you solve it, it will lead you to Maggie. Fair enough?"
"(Willie) Fair enough, ask away. As long as it ain't that one about "What has it got in its pocketses"."
"(Carolyn) Let me see..."
"(Willie) Go on, ask away."
"(Carolyn) Give me a minute. I have to think…"
"(Willie) Oh, too dumb to think of a riddle, huh?"
"(Carolyn) D'oh!"

"(Carolyn) Okay, here it is: "Where the North Woods path is narrow… You’ll be at sixes and sevens. But look for the… H… and follow the Arrow. That points to Maggie… Evans!" Ha, ha, ha. Do you think you can figure that one out, Willie?"
"(Willie) I don’t even know where to begin."
"(Carolyn) In the North Woods, Stupid!"
"(Willie) Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Well, you'll see! When Old Willie Loomis comes back here with Maggie Evans in tow, you're gonna be eatin' those poorly chosen insults! Call Willie Loomis stupid, will ya? Them's fightin' words!"
(Willie starts to leave, then comes back)
"(Willie) Which way's North?"

(Later, in the North Woods)
"(Willie) Well, I must be doin' a good job. The clue said I'd be at sixes and sevens, and I've gotten lost 13 times already!"

(Willie studies the paper again)
"(Willie) Where the path is narrow. Well, the path is narrow here. Now what? Look for the H and follow the Arrow??? Where the H--- is the H???"

"(Willie) I must be Stupid even to have listened to her. This Clue don't mean nothing any more than the Clues she gave Barnabas and Julia did. Carolyn ain't got all her marbles... She ain't playin' with a full deck!... Her elevator don't go to the top floor!... She's two French Fries short of a Happy Meal!... She's got splinters in the windmill of her mind!..."
"(Willie) Boy, I wish I coulda thought of all these great zingers while she was there!"


(Willie looks around by flashlight)
"(Willie) What am I doin', wastin' my time like this? Maggie ain't within a hundred miles of this place..." *
* Um, since she disappeared from Collinwood, and we're still on the Estate, she almost certainly IS, Stupid!


"(Willie) I should go back there and tell Carolyn what she can do with her stupid riddle."
(checks the paper again)
"(Willie) Naw, I'm in the North Woods. I might as well look a little longer.... At least until I can figure out how to get back home again."

(Willie blunders into Eagle Hill Cemetery)
"(Willie) Look for the H and follow the Arrow..."
(Willie throws his hands up in despair)
"(Willie) What does it MEAN???? What was I thinkin', thinkin' I could solve this!? I can't even solve Blue's Clues!"
(Willie sits down in Disgust)
"(Willie) Why couldn't she have said to look for The Big W??? I've seen that movie, I'd have known what it meant!"

(Willie Stupidly gets up and walks away, not noticing that the name on the headstone right next to him is "Harrow") *
* If it was a snake, it would have bit him, and nobody would have minded... Except the snake.

(A day late, but only 99¢ short for a change, Willie rushes back to the tombstone)
"(Willie) (frothing at the mouth) H!... Arrow!... (pause) What kinda name is H Arrow??... Never mind, this has gotta be it!... (reads) "Look for the H and follow the arrow, that points to Maggie Evans". But which way is it pointin'??? How does a tombstone point???"
(reads the back of the note)
"(Willie) If you have to ask which way it's pointing, look for an empty grave, stick your head in it, and fill it up with dirt... Oh, real funny!"

(Willie strikes off in a random direction)
"(Willie) (to a tombstone) Which way to Maggie Evans?"
"(Tombstone) Thattaway."
"(Willie) Thanks."
"(Tombstone) S'aright."


(Willie enters the Abandoned Mausoleum, and finds a coffin out in the open)
"(Willie) So, this must be where the Vampire stays during the day!" *
* THAT he infers at a glance, but he has to ask what kind of name H Arrow is. Willie has been at Collinwood too long.

(Willie opens the coffin)
"(Willie) Empty!"
(Willie finds a copy of Reader's Digest in the coffin)
"(Willie) Looks like the Vampire has a hard time gettin' to sleep in the morning."

(hearing a low moan, Willie spots Maggie on the floor behind the coffin, bleeding from the neck)
"(Willie) I did it! I found her! I ain't stupid! I ain't stupid!!"
(slams the coffin lid on his fingers)

(Later in Maggie's Room, Julia is setting up the IV Bottle again)
"(Julia) I'm getting really sick of this! Every time I make another deposit, he makes another withdrawal!"

(Barnabas hungrily watches Julia set up the bottle)
"(Barnabas) He just left her on the floor to die... Litterbug! And that’s exactly what would have happened to her if Willie hadn’t been there. Good work, Willie. Even Julia and I have been unable to solve any of Carolyn's Cryptic Clues."
"(Willie) Well, this one was easy. It led right to the crypt."

"(Barnabas) How is she, Julia? Will she pull through"
"(Julia) I hope so. She’s still pretty weak. She may need more than one transfusion this time."
"(Barnabas) Is that necessary? Couldn't you just use... You know, a bigger bottle?"
"(Julia) Barnabas, an IV is an IV! They don't come in Big Gulp size."

"(Willie) You’ve got to pull her through this night, Barnabas."
"(Barnabas) We're going to try to pull her through EVERY night, Willie. And we will, if you do your job properly."
"(Willie) Aww Barnabas, ya promised when I staked Megan Todd * that I'd never have to do this again!"
"(Barnabas) How was I to know that Yet Another Vampire would arrive in Collinsport? I swore to stake Maggie's attacker myself, but neglected to consider that I wouldn't be awake at that hour myself."
"(Willie) Well, that wasn't very bright."
"(Barnabas) Yes, there's no denying it. I pulled a Willie that time."
"(Willie) D'oh!"
* Episode 971.

"(Barnabas) I can promise you that if you'll do it one more time, you'll... probably never have to do it again."
"(Willie) But somebody'll probably be guarding him. Remember, Megan had Roger guarding her during the day?"
"(Barnabas) Then both of you must go. If necessary, one of you can overpower the guard, while the other does the deed. But if you're very, very quiet, you may be able to reach the vampire without being opposed. Now, do you understand?"
"(Willie) Yeah: Speak softly and carry a pointy stick."
"(Barnabas) Exactly."

"(Julia) If only Mrs. Johnson could have seen who attacked her."
"(Barnabas) Well, surely it was Maggie herself."
"(Julia) You're probably right. Maggie hit Mrs. Johnson so she could escape and go get drained again."
"(Willie) Julia, I gotta idea!"
"(Julia) What is it, she asked, with dread and foreboding."
"(Willie) Well, that other vampire wants Maggie's blood, right? So, how about if you stuff all Maggie's pockets with more of those blood bottles? Then maybe the vampire will go for the easy stuff instead of trying to suck it outta her."
"(Julia) Oh Willie! That is the most RIDICULOUS idea I've ever... You know, it's so ridiculous it just might work!"


(As Barnabas keeps vigil over Maggie, the dogs begin howling again)
"(Maggie) They're calling me! I've got to go! I have to go!"
"(Barnabas) Sit back and rest, Maggie... If you go again, that other vampire is going to need to go on a diet."


(Later at the Old House, Barnabas is pensive)
"(Barnabas) I wonder if there's a chance that Willie might.... No. No, it isn't possible. Julia will be with him. He couldn't possibly go to the wrong coffin!"

(Willie walks up, stake and hammer in hand)
"(Willie) Here they are, Barnabas. Ready to go."
"(Barnabas) Eeeeeeeew, take those things away, Willie!"
"(Willie) Gee, I never knew you to be squeamish, Barnabas."
"(Barnabas) Well... I'm not about blood and gore and bodies and things, but pointy sticks simply freak me out, that's all."

(Julia enters)
"(Julia) It’s almost dawn."
"(Barnabas) Yes, I know. You know what you have to do."
"(Julia) Yes, I know. Willie pounds the stake, I supervise."
"(Willie) Hey! I'm always the one who has to do the pounding!"
"(Julia) All right, we'll do it the other way around. You pound and I'll supervise."
"(Willie) That's better."

"(Willie) Hey! That's the same thing!"
"(Julia) All right, I want to be fair about this, Willie. Think of a number from 1 to 10."
"(Willie) Got it."
"(Julia) Now, is it Even or Odd?"
"(Willie) Even."
"(Julia) Is the number between 1 and 3?"
"(Willie) No."
"(Julia) Between 3 and 5?"
"(Willie) No."
"(Julia) Between 5 and 7?"
"(Willie) Yes."
"(Julia) Is it Number Six?"
"(Willie) Right."
"(Julia) You lose. Get your bag."
"(Willie) How did she DO that??"


(Meanwhile, in Doo Wah Diddy, Mississippi, nothing is happening. And now, back to our story)

(Early next morning in Eagle Hill, Willie and Julia approach the Abandoned Mausoleum)
"(Willie) It looks deserted."
"(Julia) Well, it's not. It's Abandoned. But don't let that deceive you. Vampires always have somebody guarding them during the day."
"(Willie) Uh... speaking of that, who's guarding Barnabas now?"
"(Julia) Er... I thought you were."


(Willie and Julia enter the Abandoned Mausoleum)
"(Willie) There’s nobody here guarding it. I don't like this."
"(Julia) Would you like it better if there was?"
"(Willie) No. I guess not. Who do you think is in there?"
"(Julia) I hope it's our paperboy. I've been wanting to do this to him for a long time anyway."

"(Willie) I still don't like havin' to be the one does this. There was something screwy about that game we played."
"(Julia) Now Willie, don't start that again. We've been over this. It was perfectly fair. Besides, even if I wanted to stake the vampire, I couldn't do it. I don't have the upper body strength you have."
"(Willie) Then how come you always beat me at arm wrestling?"

"(Julia) Come on, Willie. If you stake the vampire without grumbling, I'll treat you to breakfast at the Collinsport Inn afterwards."
"(Willie) I'll do it, Julia. But I ain't gonna be very hungry afterwards."
"(Julia) I know."
(Willie reaches into his bag for the stake and hammer)
"(Julia) Break a leg."
"(Willie) I thought you said to give it to him in the heart."

"(Julia) Besides, Willie, you're the one who always wants to impress Maggie. If you save her life, she might even go out with you."
"(Willie) I guess... So, who do you think is in there?"
"(Julia) I can't imagine."
"(Willie) Look Julia, will ya do me one favor? If you won't stake the vampire, will you at least open the lid?"
"(Julia) Why?"
"(Willie) Cause the first time I ever did this, Barnabas' hand reached out and grabbed me by the throat. Ever since then, I've been freaked out about opening coffins."
"(Julia) I see."
"(Willie) Of course it was no piece o' cake before then..."

(As Julia opens the lid with a squeak, a hand reaches out of the coffin and grabs her by the throat)
"(Julia) Gasp! Gack! No! No!! Please! Nooooooooooo!!!!"
"(Willie) What's happenin'?? What's happenin'?????"
"(Julia) (holding up a rubber hand) April Fool."
(fade to black)

"(Dan Curtis) All right, last call to get in those bets. Who does everybody think the Vampire is?"

"(Dan Curtis) No, no, it couldn't be him. We disposed of him long ago."

"(Willie) Heh, heh, it looks like Old Willie Loomis ain't as dumb as everyone says. Huh, Maggie?"
"(Julia) I'm Julia."
"(Willie) D'oh!"

"(Ken McEwen) Looks like we've got a partial eclipse of the credits tonight..."

"(Bob Lloyd) I am Harriet! Hear me Rohr!"
"(Dan Curtis) All right, all right, but remember our deal."
"(Bob Lloyd) I know, I know. I only get to do that joke once per storyline."


          Episode 1105:   In a crypt, Willie finds Maggie unconscious next to an empty coffin.