IMPRESS-THE-BOSS KIT
B: Friends, does it seem like you're always being passed over at the office when the time comes for a promotion?
R: Do you just go on doing the same job year after year, always efficient, but never conspicuous?
B: Well, neighbors, it doesn't have to be that way. Quick success can be yours now, with the wonderful new Bob and Ray Impress-the-Boss Kit.
R: Here in one neat package is everything you need to convince your employer that you are the most diligent and valuable worker in the organization.
B: For example, the kit contains a generous three-ounce bottle of Bob and Ray eyedrops. These drops are guaranteed to make your eyes bloodshot, and lend credence to the story that you've been taking work home from the office and doing without sleep.
R: There's also a handy length of rubber tubing which can be run from your desk to the water cooler. Naturally, the boss will inquire about this...and a promotion is virtually insured when you inform him that you don't have time to leave your desk to get a drink of water!
B: Here, too, in this Impress-the-Boss Kit, is an ample jar of white make-up, guaranteed to give you a beautiful office pallor. After all, nobody's going to promote a healthy-looking specimen who appears to spend half his waking hours on the golf course.
R: And looking through the lower shelf of the kit, here I see that we have an atomizer filled with glycerine, which can be used to spray beads of sweat on your forehead. Every boss likes to see his employees sweating on the job.
B: A worried expression of concern can also go a long way toward winning you that much-wanted promotion-and the indelible make-up pencil included with each kit will enable you to have deeply etched furrows in your brow at all times.
R: Naturally, you'll want your employer to think that you don't have time to go out for lunch, and so each Bob and Ray Impress-the-Boss Kit contains an artificial plastic sandwich in your choice of either ham or cheese. You'll be proud to display this handsome lifelike sandwich on your desk at all times.
B: Yes, friends, there's just about everything in this kit to convince the boss that you are the eager beaver of the office staff.
R: We could read endless letters here from our files telling how our kit enabled shipping clerks to become steel company presidents, and garbage men to become sanitation officials. But I'm sure the value of the kit is obvious to you without these testimonials.
B: Certainly you'll want an Impress-the-Boss Kit for your very own, so why not act quickly and take advantage of our special bonus offer?
R: If your order is postmarked before midnight tonight, you'll receive at no additional charge, three simulated job-offer letters.
B: These letters, which can be left around where the boss will see them, supposedly offer you jobs from other companies for much more money than you are now making.
R: When the boss sees these letters, he'll realize that he must promote you quickly, in order to keep a valuable worker.
B: Or he may fire you for disloyalty to his firm, but in any event you'll want to get more information about this offer before midnight tonight.
R: Just address your inquiry to: "Gold Brick," in care of Bob and Ray, New York.
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