AN EVENING (WASTED) WITH TOM LEHRER

9. She's My Girl

And now to the love song... I'm sure you're familiar with love songs on the order of He's just my Bill, ... my man, ... my Joe, ... my Max, and so on, where the girl who sings them tells you that, although the man she loves is antisocial, alcoholic, physically repulsive, or just plain unsanitary, that, nevertheless, she is his because he is hers, and like that. But, as far as I know, there has never been a popular song from the analogous male point of view, that is to say, of a man who finds himself in love with, or, in this case, married to, a girl, who has nothing whatsoever to recommend her. I have attempted to fill this need. The song is called She's My Girl.

Sharks gotta swim, and bats gotta fly,
I gotta love one woman till I die.
To Ed or Dick or Bob,
She may be just a slob,
But to me, well,
She's my girl.

In winter, the bedroom is one large ice cube,
And she squeezes the toothpaste from the middle of the tube!
Her hairs in the sink
Have driven me to drink,
But she's my girl, she's my girl, she's my girl,
And I love her.

The girl that I lament for,
The girl my money's spent for,
The girl my back is bent for,
The girl I owe the rent for,
The girl I gave up Lent for
Is the girl that heaven meant for me.

So though for breakfast she makes coffee that tastes like cham...poo,
I come home for dinner and get peanut butter stew,
Or, if I'm in luck,
It's broiled hockey puck,
But, oh well, what the hell,
She's my girl,
And I love her.

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